


I'm Just The Boy Who's Had Too Many Chances

by MCRmyGeneral



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Blow Jobs, Body Image, Child Abuse, Closeted Character, F/M, First Time, Frerard, Gay Sex, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Isolation, Loner, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Relationship(s), Social Anxiety, Strong Language, Suicide Attempt, Virginity, new kid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-26
Updated: 2015-10-24
Packaged: 2018-04-11 07:26:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 51
Words: 79,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4426571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MCRmyGeneral/pseuds/MCRmyGeneral
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gerard knows his town. He knows his school, his classmates. He knows his family, and his dark, isolated room. He knows he's an artist, he knows he loves metal and punk music, he knows he likes horror maybe a little too much. And he knows he's gay, though he's never even whispered it out loud, not with his parents. He knows where he stands, he's got life figured out. High school, then art school, then hopefully comic book writer.</p><p>Until the cute new neighbor boy, Frank is thrown into the mix. Frnak also knows just where he stands in life; he's an impulsive little bastard that doesn't care about consequences; he just wants to have fun. Frank is the exact opposite of Gerard; he's not afraid to stand up for himself, he's loud, he's unafraid, and he's openly gay.</p><p>Gerard <em>thought</em> he had life all figured out. Then he met Frank. It's safe to say that Belleville, Belleville High, and most importantly, Gerard, will never be the same.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on Mibba. Title is from Fall Out Boy's song Sugar, We're Going Down
> 
> EDIT: Title is actually from A Little Less Sixteen Candles and I'm an idiot because i honestly have no idea why i wrote Sugar, We're Going Down because I KNOW that's wrong and I'm a huge FOB fan so I'm actually a little disappointed in myself for making such a stupid mistake. AND I'M DISAPPOINTED IN ALL OF YOU FOR NOT CATCHING IT, EITHER! Thank you to SexxyShavedLlama for pointing it out! ^_^

Gerard heard the clack of three of his watercolor pencils roll off his desk. He widened his eyes as his bed shook.

"Mom?" He called. Then he remembered that both his parents were still at work. Only he and Mikey were home, and Mikey was probably lying in his bed with his headphones on, reading a comic book. That was two floors above him.

Instead of panicking, Gerard crawled to the end of his bed and looked out the window. Maybe half of him was expecting the ground to be splitting open and hellfire to be spewing from newly formed volcanoes in the Bradley's yard. After all, he'd never felt the ground vibrate like that.

The chill from the September air blew through his window, and for the thirty-ninth time that day, he wished it would be October already. He hated September; the month for the rest of his life would remind him of the beginning of a new school year, and even after he would graduate, he'd get nauseous on the first of September for years to come.

The ground rumbled again, and before Gerard could tear his eyes from the barely-oranging leaves, a moving truck entered the small neighborhood. It joined the first outside the house across the street. A moment after the drivers left their cabs and started unloading the tarp-covered furniture from the back, a blue SUV and a black pick-up truck turned onto the street, the SUV claiming the driveway of the house, and the truck parking on the curb.

A woman stepped out of the SUV. She was pretty, young, and dressed in jeans and a pale blue turtleneck. She opened the backseat door, and a large Great Dane hopped from the seat, immediately running toward the large oak in the yard to relieve himself. Gerard giggled in spite of himself. _Poor dog_.

The dog set to work digging a small hole, before a whistle from the pick-up drew his attention, as well as Gerard's.

From the passenger's seat climbed a kid, who looked not much younger than Gerard. He looked a lot shorter, however. Gerard couldn't see his face that well, but his hair looked unusual. It was bright red on the back and sides, and black on top, with something of a small devil's lock hanging in his face. Even from this distance, Gerard had a feeling he was really cute.

He slammed the car door with an icy look thrown toward what Gerard assumed was his father, who stepped out of the driver's seat. He grabbed a duffel bag from the bed of the pick-up.

"Do you wanna help, maybe?" He said, in a gravelly tone.

The kid scoffed as he pulled something from his pocket. "No," he replied, before Gerard saw him bring his hands to his mouth, and the distinct orange of flame.

He put the lighter back in his pocket, and blew out a large puff of smoke. Gerard was instantly jealous. If his parents ever saw him smoking, they'd thrash him.

Apparently, this boy's father had a similar mindset, because as soon as he saw the smoke billowing from his son, he dropped the bag, stomped his way over to him, ripped the cigarette from his mouth and threw it in the street. He set a firm hand on the boy's shoulder, and brought their faces close together. He was probably getting yelled at; Gerard couldn't hear.

The kid went to walk away, but the man grabbed him by the back of his pinstriped suspenders and yanked him back, giving him another, somewhat louder warning to 'mind his elders'. The boy didn't look like he cared. He let go of him, and the kid called for the dog, which was having a gay old time rolling around in the flower bed.

"Sinatra! C'mere, boy!" The kid met the dog halfway, and the two rolled around on the ground together, playing. Gerard smiled when he saw that the dog was bigger than the kid. He didn't know how long he spent watching this mysterious kid wrestle with the dog, but the parents caught his eye once again. They were standing near each other, both with their arms crossed, engaged in hushed, yet intense conversation. Gerard had a feeling it wasn't a nice one. After a moment, the woman walked away, yelling "Then go!"

The man got back in his truck without another word toward his son, and drove away.

Before the truck had even turned off the street, the kid had another cigarette lit. His mother walked over to him, pulling it quickly from his mouth. Gerard felt bad for the kid; his parents wasting two whole cigarettes? But his mother just took a long drag and gave it back to him.

The mother and her son, along with the dog, entered the house, and the movers kept bringing furniture in for the next three hours.

Gerard watched them the entire three hours, hoping to get another glimpse of that kid. He finally got it when he glanced at what he thought was the attic window. The kid had popped the screen out and was sitting on the sill, swinging his legs out the window. Gerard's heart skipped a beat, because with once wrong move, he could paralize himself or worse, end his life.

The kid leaned even farther out the window, reaching for a tree limb. Gerard squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting to see the kid break a leg, or possibly his neck, falling from a third-story window. But the kid grabbed the limb securely, pulling himself out of the window, his feet finding a nearby bough to walk on. He made his way to the center of the tree, and from there used the old wooden planks the previous neighbors had nailed to the trunk to make his way to the ground. As soon as his feet were on solid ground, he took off, running out of the neighborhood like he was being chased.

Gerard was already interested in this kid. What was he running from? Was he running to something? His mom seemed cool, but his father seemed like a first-class prick. Were his parents separated? Divorced? Why?

Gerard spent an hour staring out the window, waiting for the kid to come back. He didn't, and his mother didn't go looking for him, so either she didn't notice he was gone, or she didn't care.

~~~~

"We've got new neighbors," Gerard announced that night at dinner.

"Oh?" His mother said.

"A woman and her son, I think."

"How old is the son?" His father asked.

"I'm not sure. Maybe about Mikey's age. I just saw them from the window."

"Creep-ster!" Mikey sang, and Gerard threw a pea at him. Mikey laughed, and retaliated by ripping a piece of his roll off and throwing that at Gerard.

"Boys!" Their father said, just slightly raising his voice. Both Gerard and Mikey snapped to attention. "Please, no food fights."

"Sorry, Dad," They said at the same time, lowering their heads, then snickering at their tandem movements.

Donna just rolled her eyes.

~~~~

Gerard was woken up at midnight by a dog howling. He looked out his window, and saw the Great Dane from next door howling at the window, looking at the Oak in the front yard. When Gerard looked, too, he saw the kid climbing the makeshift ladder and crawling back through his window. He wasn't sure why, but knowing that the kid was back safe inside the house made him relax just a little.


	2. Chapter 2

Gerard scanned the school hallways every day, looking for the bright red hair from across the street. He usually preferred to keep his head down as he walked from his locker to his classes, but lately he started braving the masses to search for the mystery boy, and he always came up short.

He had been covertly staking out the house across the street, and he didn't see the kid sneak out again. For that matter, he hadn't seen him leave or enter the house at all since that first night. He hadn't even seen him look out a window.

It has been two weeks since the family had moved in, and the kid still wasn't in school. He was definitely young enough to still be enrolled, and this was the only high school in the area.

Gerard finally decided on the 9th day without finding him that he was probably home-schooled, which really sucked. Gerard had acute social anxiety, and was shit at meeting new people, so he didn't plan on bringing a plate of cookies over and introducing himself personally anytime soon.

He gave the pursuit up. He didn't count on ever meeting the mystery boy.

~~~~

He found him when he least expected it.

Gerard had been sitting for the past twenty minutes, head hung over his latest cartoon, ignoring his history teacher. He didn't hear the knock on the doorframe; he didn't even hear the teacher stop her lecture. He only looked up when he figured he'd been avoiding eye contact too long. That was the key to drawing in class (and one he'd perfected years ago); look up at the teacher every so often, and it looks like you're taking notes. How 98% of the student body didn't figure that out, he'd never understand.

He gasped quietly when he recognized the weird hair that was about a foot shorter than their teacher, Ms. Barrett. Thankfully, he was secluded in the back of the classroom, and nobody heard the gasp. His thoughts from weeks ago were absolutely correct; the kid was ridiculously gorgeous. The devil's lock curled slightly, framing his face beautifully. Gerard was certain he couldn't have drawn it better. He was short, but by no means scrawny. It looked like there were potential ass-kicking muscles beneath the Texas Chainsaw Massacre hoodie he was wearing. Gerard did a double take. Texas Chainsaw Massacre? He liked this kid already. Even from the back of the room, he saw that the boy's eyes were framed in bright red liner and shadow. Make-up on his first day? Gutsy. It took Gerard 2 years to work up the guts to wear eyeliner to school, and even then, he'd wash it off before his parents got home. Eventually he stopped hiding it. His parents didn't like it, but they knew they couldn't stop him. The kid raised his hand to pull his headphones from his ears, and Gerard saw that he had black fingerless gloves on, and his fingernails were black. Gerard's eyes traveled down his frame, noticing the tight blue jeans, ripped at both knees, and the worn black Etnies.

"Class, this is our new student, Frank I-Ee-Eir-" She stumbled.

Frank closed his eyes in exasperation and chuckled, and Gerard had a feeling he would've facepalmed if he wasn't afraid of offending the teacher.

"Iero," He offered, and Gerard was immediately taken aback by his voice. It was melodic and sweet and kind.

"Could you repeat that for me? Just so I don't mangle it again," Ms. Barrett asked.

"I-year-o," He enunciated. "Don't worry about mangling it; everybody does," He said with a smile.

"All righty. Well, most of the back two rows are free. Pick a seat. We'll get you a textbook next week."

"Alright," Frank said, walking down an aisle.

Mark Swan, a popular wrestler, and known asshole, noticed Frank's appearance, and 'coughed' "Fag!" just as Frank walked past him.

Frank stopped and backtracked his steps. He smiled at Mark, and did what Gerard regarded as the bravest, most amazing thing he'd ever seen. Frank grabbed Mark's shirt, pulled him to him, and planted a huge kiss right on Mark's lips. The whole classroom went silent. Even Ms. Barrett's jaw dropped. Frank let go of Mark, who fell back into his seat, almost catatonic in shock.

Frank leaned in close. "Who's the fag now?" He asked with a smile, before continuing his walk down the aisle to the back row.

Gerard chuckled, and started clapping. Frank glanced at him, half his mouth pulled in a smile. Soon most of the classroom had erupted in applause.

Frank walked to the center desk in the back row, just two away from where Gerard was seated in the corner, and took a very dramatic bow before he sat down, kicking his feet up on the empty desk in front of him and smacking his gum loudly.

This kid had to be the coolest kid Gerard had ever met.

Mark kept his head down for the rest of the hour.

When the bell rang, Frank was one of the first out of his seat and to the door. Just before he left, he turned and, in front of the whole class, blew a kiss to Mark, complete with a wink and a smile, which made everyone erupt in laughter again.

Gerard was in deep already. For the rest of his life, he'd recognize that that was the exact moment he'd fallen for Frank Iero.

~~~~

Gerard had lunch afterwards, but he had developed a habit of wandering the halls during his lunch periods, rather than sit alone in the corner of the lunchroom and risk an asshole noticing his miserable existence and fucking with him. He'd lost count of how many amazing drawing he'd lost to the bored jocks of Belleville High. They were like zoo animals; if they weren't constantly entertained, they'd get violent.

So instead, like he did every day, he bought an iced coffee from the student store, and drank it while he walked through the halls.

Gerard took all the classes he could; he may have hated the students, but he loved the teachers, and he loved to learn. He knew most of the teachers on a friendly basis, and the ones he didn't know him personally knew of him, so he wasn't bothered for a hall pass anymore. He passed Mrs. Carlisle's room, where he noticed a 'GSA lunch meeting today!' sign on the door.

He'd always wanted to go to the Gay-Straight Alliance meetings, but he was always afraid. He knew it was stupid, that GSA was all about acceptance and peace and alliance between all sexualities, but he still never had the guts to do anything more than read their paragraph in the monthly school newsletter. Plus, he'd never really acknowledged the fact that he was gay. He'd never have the guts to say it out loud, much less tell someone. He'd never even told Mikey, and Mikey was the closest thing to a best friend he'd ever had. He was sure his parents would disown him if they ever knew he was gay. His parents were so anti-gay, it was almost scary.

Still, he was curious, so he walked past, and was shocked at what he saw.

He'd only really seen him once, but there was no doubt that the kid sitting cross-legged in the blue plastic chair with the bag of sour gummi worms in his lap was Frank Iero. Gerard, like an idiot, skittered around the corner, trying to not be seen. Not that anyone was focusing on him in the hallway, anyway. From what he saw, everyone was focused on Frank and the story he was telling. He inched his head closer, trying to hear what Frank was saying.

"It was awesome. I didn't even have to tell my mom! She walked into my room without knocking one day and caught me with my tongue down my friend James' throat. James and I were freaking out, and I was like, 'I can explain?' and she just looked at me with this huge smile on her face and said, "I am _not_ telling your father!" And then she dropped my laundry on my bed and walked out."

Everyone in the room started laughing, as did Gerard. He bit his lip to keep the laughter as silent as possible.

"How'd you tell your father?" Gerard recognized the voice was Mallory Tyler. She was a supporter, and one of the sweetest girls Gerard had ever met.

He heard Frank chuckle. "That was fun," He said. "Dad's an army Sergeant. I walked up to him while he was reading the paper and just blurted out, 'Dad, I'm gay.' I expected rage or disappointment, but instead he just froze, looking at me with wide eyes. 'Don't ask, don't tell!' He yelled, and ran outta the room."

The group laughed even harder. Gerard let a snicker out from behind his clenched lips. He ran into a nearby empty classroom for fear of being discovered lurking outside the GSA meeting. _That_ wouldn't get him labeled a 'pervert' at all.

He thought about Frank's story of his coming out. Gerard was sure coming out to his parents wasn't gonna be that amusing.

So Frank was gay, too. For some reason, the thought made Gerard hopeful. Then he remembered that he was an 18 year old loser who'd never been in a relationship, hetero or otherwise, and that Frank was funny and attractive, and had at least one boyfriend, probably more.

He'd never have a shot with Frank.

He left the abandoned classroom, his head hung.


	3. Chapter 3

Gerard walked straight from the GSA meeting to his sixth hour, Art.

Gerard had used up all his electives Freshman and Sophomore year taking all the art classes this school had to offer, so Mr. Kaiser asked him to TA for his Art I class his Junior and Senior year. It was a pretty good gig.

Mostly, he just sat in Mr. Kaiser's fluffy chair sketching, but he ran papers to other teachers, organized Power Points for the class, and even drew most of the example pieces the class had to copy. Plus he liked helping the other kids. He was King in Art. People that would literally spit on him outside class would beg him to show them how to work their paintbrushes and palette knives. Part of it was liking having superiority, but he also genuinely enjoyed helping someone improve their skills. He knew the joy art gave him, and he loved showing other people how amazing art was.

He was early, like always, so he tossed his backpack behind the desk (pulling out his sketchbook, of course) and plopped down in Mr. Kaiser's fluffy chair. He leaned over his sketchbook, not bothering to watch the kids take their seats.

The bell rang, then rang again five minutes later, and Mr. Kaiser still wasn't there. Someone threw a wadded up piece of paper at Gerard, and only then did he tear his attention from his drawing. He looked out at the class, and saw 18 pairs of eyes staring at him. No, wait. 19.

His palms went sweaty, and he dropped his pencil. He crawled under the desk to retrieve it. When he crawled back out, he banged his head on the drawer. He swallowed the lump that was steadily growing bigger in his throat. The kids were looking at him like they were waiting for him to tell them what to do. They looked pissed. Well, most of them did. Frank sat at a table in the center, his head cocked, like he was studying Gerard.

The phone in the room rang, and Gerard answered.

"Mr. Kaiser's room."

"Gerard? You're there? Good."

"Mr. K?" Gerard asked.

"Yeah, I'm running late. Just pass out the sheets under my IN box. They're color wheels. I'll be there in about 15 minutes."

"Okay. Bye."

Gerard hung up, and now that he had a game plan, he felt slightly more confident.

"All righty. Mr. K's late, but I've got a fun little activity for you."

"Is it really gonna be fun?" Missy Stevens remarked snidely.

"Probably not. But as acting teacher, I can safely say that I don't care, so zip it, Missy."

A few people in class chuckled, and Gerard was relieved to see that Frank was one of them.

"In fact, Missy, why don't you come pass these out for me?" He said with a sarcastic smile, holding the papers out toward her.

She rolled her eyes and snatched the papers from him. He finished the instructions as she passed them out.

"OK, so this is a color wheel. All of you have seen one of these before, and if you haven't, you're probably in the wrong classroom. Mr. K wants one from each of you. He wants you to color in and label the all Primary, Secondary, and Tertiary colors. Underneath the wheel itself, there is a series of connected boxes, like a crossword. The one on the far left needs to stay white and the one on the far right needs to be black. The boxes in between are for you to show us how you would shade from pure white to jet black. Underneath those are two questions, "How do you make black with the colors from the color wheel?" and "How do you make brown?". Those need to be answered in complete sentences, and that is that. I'm sure he wants these in colored pencil or crayon, but as an artist myself, I hate having my creative juices stifled, so I'm extending your media options to oil pastels, watercolor and tempera paint. Have fun, keep it down to a dull roar, don't disturb me, and clean up your mess."

That was all the direction they needed, so the class broke out the paint and pastels. Gerard kept one eye on Frank, who remained seated when everyone went to pick their media. Gerard knew as a TA, he was in charge of showing Frank where everything was, but he was really nervous about speaking to him for the first time. Thankfully, Mallory Tyler was seated at the same table, and she showed him where to find the brushes and paint palettes.

When Mr. Kaiser finally walked in at fifteen minutes until the period ended, he threw his coat down and immediately went to help Gerard answer the kids' questions (It was a fucking color wheel! Everything starts with red, blue and yellow. What could you possibly need help with?).

Gerard was helping Missy when Frank caught his eye. He was on the very edge of his seat; his legs bent outwards, his hand in the air. He looked at Gerard, smiled, and raised his hand a little higher. Gerard just stared for a second, before turning away.

He had no idea why he was so afraid to speak to him. When he finally decided to stop being a puss, he turned back around, only to find that Mr. Kaiser was already helping Frank.

Gerard kept his nose in his sketchbook for the rest of the hour.

~~~~

Gerard waited until he was across the football field before he lit his cigarette, like always. He was scared to death of a teacher seeing, but his nicotine craving outweighed his fear. He stood for a moment, leaning against a light pole, blowing smoke rings, just savoring the rush the cigarette gave him after a long day.

"Hey," A voice came from right behind him. Gerard jumped, half from fear, and half from nervousness. He already recognized the voice.

"Sorry, dude!" Frank said, his eyes wide, "Didn't mean to scare you!"

"You didn't," Gerard said, trying to brush off the fact that he'd just jumped two feet in the air.

"Sure," Frank said, even though they both knew he didn't believe Gerard. "Do you have another one of those?" He asked, pointing at Gerard's cigarette.

"Yeah," Gerard answered as he pulled his pack from the side pocket of his backpack, the only pocket they don't get crushed in. He pulled one from the pack and handed it to Frank.

"You need a lighter?"

"I got one," Frank answered, pulling an orange Mini Bic from his pocket. He lit the cigarette and tucked it back into his jeans.

"Shouldn't you be in class?" Gerard asked, not realizing how rude it actually sounded.

"Do you have a problem with me?" Frank asked, getting ready to throw his cigarette away and put his fists up.

Gerard widened his eyes, laughing a little internally. Frank was a feisty little thing. "No. What makes you think I have a problem with you?"

"You ignored me in class when I needed help, and now you're talking to me like I'm a kid. I'm seven-fucking-teen, dude. Don't patronize me."

_Great, he already hates me,_ Gerard thought. "I didn't mean to ignore you. I just figured I'd give Mr. Kaiser a chance to introduce himself." Gerard was a little shocked at how good that lie was. And on the spot, too. "And I wasn't trying to patronize you. I just mean that school doesn't let out for another 45 minutes."

"Well, why aren't you in class?"

"I've got 8th hour off. Reward for being a Teacher's Assistant."

"My old school had a weird credit system. I've already got the required number needed to graduate, just not the exact classes. So they gave me 8th off, too."

They sat in silence for a moment, smoking their cigarettes, before Frank spoke.

"How old are you?"

"18."

"You don't look 18."

"I know," Gerard responded coolly. In reality, he knew he looked young for his age and he hated the fuck out of it. He'd be carded for cigarettes for the next 10 years.

"Where do you live?" Frank asked.

"Over on Valley, by Louisa's Pizza."

"No shit! I live over there!" Frank said, and he actually looked happy about being so close to Gerard.

"You going home?" Gerard asked, and Frank nodded. "Mind if I walk with you?"

Frank started walking, and Gerard joined him. A moment later, Frank looked at Gerard and smiled, and the sunlight gleamed off the metal in his face, something Gerard hadn't noticed until then.

"Hey, you have piercings?"

"Yeah. My mom took me when I was 14, to piss off my dad."

"That's awesome. I dig piercings and tattoos, but I'm afraid of needles."

"Pussy," Frank teased. "That's okay, I'm afraid of spiders."

"Pussy," Gerard said, smiling.

"Not the best fear to have when my new bedroom's in a dusty old attic."

"Funny, mine's in the basement."

"You strike me as a basement-y kinda guy," Frank said.

Gerard chuckled, then marveled at how easy it was to talk to Frank.

"Why don't you move rooms, then?"

"I like the attic. It's nice and cold, and it's soundproof. I've got a Great Dane, and those things can bark their asses off. And I like listening to music. Loud music. Plus, it's got an easy exit if I ever wanna sneak out, or sneak someone in."

"It's always nice to have an escape route. My basement is soundproof, too. It's got its own entrance, but my parents nailed it shut after we got robbed when I was a kid."

"Oh, my god!" Frank said, eyes wide.

Gerard chuckled. "It wasn't my bedroom at the time."

Frank blew out a breath. "Thank God. Was everyone ok?"

"Yeah. Just a computer and a camera were stolen. Except my brother, Mikey couldn't sleep in his own bed for three weeks afterward."

Frank chuckled. "You'd think growing up in Jersey, you'd be used to it by now."

"You'd think."

"You said you were an artist in class, earlier."

"Yeah."

"What kind of things do you draw?"

Gerard shrugged. "Cartoons, mostly. Comic book things. I like doing portraits, but I can never find anyone that'll let me. I've drawn my family too many times to count; I think I could draw Mikey in my sleep."

Gerard snuck a glance at Frank. His hair was so unique, and he had amazing facial structure, and Gerard thought that he'd never get sick of drawing Frank. His face was almost cherub-like, innocent, with a hint of fear. He had a frightened gleam in his eye that was almost constant. Gerard would love to draw Frank, but that's something you don't ask until your friendship is pretty strong.

"Y-" Frank started, then snapped his jaw shut before the rest of his words came out.

"What?" Gerard asked.

"Nothing," Frank said. He tried to inhale, but ended up doubled over coughing. Gerard slapped him on the back a few times, honestly worried he was gonna die.

"Are you okay?"

Frank stood back up, and his entire face was red. "I'm good."

They walked in silence for another moment, when Gerard blurted out, "What you did in history today was the coolest thing I've ever seen."

Frank laughed. "What was that kid's name?"

"Mark Swan."

"He seems like an ass."

"He is."

"I'm just so sick of people judging me. The way I dress doesn't define my personality. And no matter how many schools I've been to, it's always the same shit. Well, I'm not taking it this time. I'm done being a punching bag for the assholes that can't come to terms with their own deep-seeded homosexuality."

Gerard's jaw dropped. "That was quite a rant."

"Sorry."

"No, I completely understand. I get pushed around cuz of how I look, too."

"We're different," Frank said, with a meaningful glance at Gerard. "We're not lemmings. We're intelligent. We're not afraid to dress and act how we want, even though society thinks it's 'gay'." He sneered the word 'gay'. "My sexuality had nothing to do with the fact that my nails are painted black."

"How does your family feel about it?"

"My being gay, or the way I dress?"

"You're actually gay?" Gerard asked, though he already heard Frank confess it to GSA earlier.

"Yeah. Please don't tell me you have a problem with it," Frank pleaded, and Gerard thought he looked serious, like he really cared whether or not Gerard was okay with his homosexuality.

"Not at all. And to answer your question, either."

"Mom's cool. My mother is the shit. She supports every decision I make. She loves the fuck outta me. Dad's a different story. He's in the Army. I guess he was fine when I told him I was gay. Shortly after came the dressing like Jack Skellington. That, he didn't really notice. He was too busy fighting with Mom."

"Sorry."

"It's cool. Dad's a jackass, but I got one awesome parental unit, so I'm okay. What about your family?"

"They're pretty conservative. They don't like the makeup or the tight clothes, but they know they can't stop me. Mikey's better. He's really supportive."

Gerard looked up and realized that they were in the middle of their street. "Time to go," He said, walking toward his house. He waved at Frank feebly.

"Wait!" Frank said, just as Gerard had his key in the door.

"What?"

"What's your name?" He asked with a smile.

Gerard chuckled. "Gerard Way."

"Hi, Gerard. I'm Frank Iero."

"Hi, Frank."

"I'll see you tomorrow," Frank said, walking toward his own door.

"See you tomorrow, Frank," Gerard whispered to himself


	4. Chapter 4

"Gerard!"

Gerard jumped, hating the way his mother's screech gave him chills. He looked up from his magazine to find her standing in his doorway, looming over him even from fifteen feet away.

"Yeah, Ma?" He asked warily.

"Put something normal on."

His eyes widened. "Why?"

"Because we're gonna go welcome the new neighbors."

A cold sweat broke out across his forehead. _Meet_ the neighbors? Like formally? Like the freakin' Welcome Wagon? _Great,_ He thought, _Time to look like an idiot in front of Frank._ Gerard's mom was the biggest cockblock he'd ever met.

He slipped on his white Black Flag shirt, and a black pair of jeans that were slightly looser than the ones he had been wearing. He wasn't budging much. His parents were well aware that this was about as 'normal' as he got. Of course, his mother scowled at him when he emerged from the basement, but thankfully, she said nothing. Instead she just gave him dirty looks as she gathered the rest of the family, a huge platter of chocolate peanut butter cookies (Gerard was jealous. Those were his favorite) and together, they walked across the street to the Iero's.

Gerard was nauseous before they even hit the curb. If Frank didn't think he was a giant loser already, this would surely seal the deal. He wished he could see himself, because he was almost positive he'd be green with sickness.

What Gerard assumed was Frank's mother opened the door, and to his surprise, she was even prettier up close. Dark hair, though lighter than Frank's, which was obviously dyed jet black, with the same warm hazel eyes as her son, and a smile that lit up the porch. Gerard could feel the hospitality radiating off her, and he just knew immediately that she was the type of person that everyone could get along with.

"Hi!" She said cheerily to the strangers on her porch.

"Hello," Mrs. Way said formally, and Gerard groaned internally. "My name is Donna and this is my family. We live right across the street. We brought you a little housewarming gift," She said, raising the plate of cookies.

"Oh, how nice of you!" The woman exclaimed, taking the plate from Donna. "My name is Linda. Linda Iero. It's so nice to see a welcome face around here. We're not from the area," She admitted, and if Gerard didn't know any better, he'd say she sounded ashamed. 

"We?" Donna asked, though she already knew that Linda wasn't alone. Gerard could thank his creepy eavesdropping for that.

"Oh, my son. I'm sure he'd love to meet you all, especially your boys," Linda explained, smiling at Gerard and Mikey, and despite himself, Gerard found that he smiled back. "Please, come in," Linda insisted, beckoning the Ways into the front living room. Gerard looked around the house, almost gawking at it's size. He'd never been inside when the Fitzgeralds lived here. The house was big and to his surprise, sparsely decorated. They'd had more than enough time here to unpack, Gerard thought, though he didn't dwell on it.

"Let me get my son," She threw over her shoulder, walking to the staircase. "Frank!" She yelled up the stairs. Donna and Donald both jumped a little, and Gerard could see their impression of Linda change already.

Frank came sliding down the banister, hopping off it with a flourish, which made Gerard smile, and Mrs. Way grimace slightly. Gerard's parents were the type to never let their kids act like children.

"What's up?" He asked his mom before he saw the Ways.

"Meet our neighbors," Linda said almost warningly, and Gerard could almost understand it. Frank seemed like the kind of person you had to constantly tell to watch the mouth, or mind their manners.

Frank looked at the family then, and a huge grin broke out on his face. He bit his tongue to keep from laughing, Gerard could tell. He only imagined how ridiculous and domesticated they looked right now.

"Hello, Frank," Gerard's mother said. "I'm Donna, this is my husband, Donald, and our sons, Michael and Gerard."

"Hi, Frank. And it's Mikey, by the way," Mikey explained with a half-wave.

Gerard just grimaced, and Frank's chest started shaking with laughter he was barely concealing.

"Hi, Mikey," He squeaked out. Then he looked at Gerard. "Hello, _Gerard,_ " He said, almost tauntingly. Gerard gave him a dirty look, which only made Frank's smile widen. He looked down at Gerard's shirt. "You like Black Flag? Awesome!"

Gerard smiled and blushed fiercely.

"Mom, can I steal Gerard for a moment? That is, if the Ways don't mind."

"Not at all," Mr. Way offered.

Frank grinned, and grabbed Gerard's hand, practically dragging him toward the stairs. His heart started beating a little faster when Frank touched him, but Frank was oblivious. He just towed him up to the second story, before he doubled over laughing.

"Dude. Dude? Dude!" He gasped, laughing hysterically. Gerard just stood with his arms crossed and a sassy sneer on his face, waiting for Frank to recover.

"Are you done?" He asked.

Frank took a deep breath and stood up straight. "Do you have any idea how ridiculous that was? How archaic and old-fashioned? I don't think I've ever seen neighbors introduce themselves in person, only in old movies."

"It wasn't my choice. Trust me, I'd much rather be home reading comic books right now."

Frank gasped sarcastically, clutching his chest. "Gee, thanks. I value your friendship, too."

"You know what I mean," Gerard backtracked. "So did you drag me away from my family just to make fun of me?"

"Not completely," Frank shrugged. "Why? Would you rather be downstairs making what you can almost guarantee is awkward small talk with my mother right now?"

"Yikes," Gerard exclaimed with wide eyes. "No. No, I don't."

"That's what I thought. Come here," Frank said, turning away and walking down the hall. He stopped under a pull string hanging from the ceiling. He opened a hall closet and pulled out a small red stepstool. Gerard started giggling.

"I'm short, okay?" Frank snipped, climbing up two steps so he could reach the string. He pulled it down, and carefully opened it, unfolding the ladder. He then put the stepstool back.

"After you," He said, pointing up the ladder.

"Why do I feel like this is gonna end with 'His whereabouts are still unknown'?"

"Don't worry," Frank said, smiling. "I'll give you back to your parents when I'm finished."

"I don't know if that should scare me or excite me," Gerard muttered.

"A little bit of both," Frank said, following Gerard up the ladder. He closed the attic up after him, and suddenly Gerard was plunged into complete darkness.

"Frank?" He called.

"Relax, I'm here," Frank said, sliding his hand back into Gerard's, who gripped it tightly. Frank led him through a maze of boxes and other miscellaneous shit, until they reached a wall. Frank flipped a light switch, and Gerard felt his retinas sizzle.

"Warning, Frank?" He hissed, clamping his eyes closed.

"Sorry."

The attic was a lot smaller than Gerard would've figured, since the house wasn't small in the slightest. It was still pretty big in terms of bedroom size, or would've been, if it wasn't packed with boxes. Gerard looked around, noticing a makeshift bedroom in the corner. There was a large dresser, five laundry baskets full of neatly folded clothes (Gerard assumed it was Frank's mother's doing. He couldn't picture Frank taking the time to fold, or for that matter, even wash his clothes). There were about a dozen boxes full of CD's and vinyl albums. There was a rather large and professional looking stereo next to the dresser, and a small table holding a record player next to that. Gerard also noticed a white guitar on a stand, hooked up to a Mini Marshall Stack. There was a pretty big bed in the middle of everything, complete with a headboard that was wallpapered with poloroids, band and brand stickers. The bed was covered in black sheets and a black and red checkered comforter. Laying on the bed was a huge black dog.

"Sinatra!" Frank called, and the dog leapt from the bed, standing tall and wagging his tail enthusiastically. Frank knelt down, and the dog started licking his face.

"Gerard, meet Sinatra," Frank managed to say without getting the dog's tongue in his mouth.

"Hi, boy," Gerard, said, scratching the dog's ears. "Dude, this dog is taller than you."

"Bite me," Frank said, standing. "So," He said, throwing himself down on his bed. Sinatra laid on top of him, almost covering Frank's body with his own. "This is my room."

"Pretty cool," Gerard said, looking around and taking it all in. It looked like a record store. "It'd be better without all the boxes, though."

Frank cleared his throat, and looked away. Gerard got the feeling that saying that upset Frank.

"I, uh... I didn't-"

"No," Frank cut him off, nodding once, "It's cool."

"Right," Gerard muttered, sticking nhis hands in his back pockets and awkwardly shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

After what seemed like an eternity of awkward silence, the ladder fell, and Frank's mom popped her head through the hole.

"Gerard, your parents are leaving."

"Okay, I'll be there in a second."

Linda gave him a warn smile before she left.

"I better go."

"Yeah," Frank nodded. He pushed Sinatra gently off him, and stood. He kept a reasonable distance between Gerard and himself as he led him back downstairs.

Gerard's family was huddled by the front door. His mom and dad looked like they were getting ready to haul ass home, while Mikey looked bored as usual.

"Thanks for the cookies, Donna. And thanks for coming over. It's nice to meet you."

"It was nice you meet you, too," She said, and Gerard knew the fake smile on her face all too well.

He joined his family at the door.

"Bye, Frank," He said.

"Bye," Frank said, and Gerard thought he still sounded sad.

Gerard and his family left, and Linda closed the door behind them.

Thankfully, Gerard's mother and father kept their insults to themselves until they were back in their own house.

"How old do you think that woman is? 32 at the most. And that boy is at least 16," Donna said, pouring a cup of coffee.

" _That boy_ is named Frank," Gerard piped up, already annoyed, "And he's 17."

"Disgusting."

"What's disgusting?" Gerard asked, defensive.

"Teen mothers. No woman is emotionally or financially ready for a child until she's at least in her twenties. And being a teen mother shows that she's certainly not mature enough for a child if she can't even keep her legs closed."

"Having a kid when you're still a child yourself is immature, and asking for an unhappy marriage and divorce," Donald added.

"Which is obviously what happened. Can you imagine what the father's like?"

Donald shook his head. "I'm guessing a drunk, and probably a sex fiend."

"I wouldn't be surprised if he was a drug addict."

"That poor boy. Having an irresponsible mother and god knows what kind of horrible father."

"What makes you think Mrs. Iero's irresponsible?"

"All teen mothers are irresponsible, Gerard."

"Frank says she's a great mother. She's fun and really cool."

"It is not a mother's job to be cool, Gerard. It is a mother's job to teach their children how to be respectable."

Gerard rolled his eyes, and turned to walk away.

"Obviously she's not doing her job."

Gerard stopped, and walked back into the kitchen. "What's that supposed to mean?" He asked, angry that his parents were insulting Frank now.

"Did you see that boy?" Gerard's father said. "He's _got_ to know how ridiculous he looks with that hair. Not to mention the piercings. Nobody respectable defiles themselves with piercings and tattoos. And did you see that he was wearing nail polish?" He directed toward Donna, who nodded in disgust. "I wouldn't be surprised if he was a little faggot."

Gerard bit his tongue to keep his anger down. He hated when his parents gay-bashed.

"And if he is gay, that's just more evidence that his mother is a failure," Donna threw in.

"There's nothing wrong with being gay," Gerard said, and instantly regretted it. Both his parents stared at him like he'd just said he was the next Jeffrey Dahmer. They were horrified.

"Are you serious? There's everything wrong with being gay! Gays are setting themselves up for unhappy lives leading to a painful, AIDS-related death," Gerard's mother recited. He'd heard this before.

"Which is nothing more than those dirty faggots deserve," Donald added.

Gerard gasped. That was something he'd never heard.

He shook his head and went down to his room, closing the door behind him.

His parents were some of the worst homophobes he'd ever met.

How was he ever gonna come out to them?


	5. Chapter 5

Gerard overslept the next morning, which meant that he and Mikey needed to be driven to school. Which in turn meant that Gerard had no way to see Frank. He knew that he shouldn't have been as sad as he was over the fact, but he squashed both feelings down as he watched the lines on the road whiz past.

In History, like every other day, he was bent over his sketchbook, waiting for the final bell to ring. He didn't even notice Frank until he heard him cough.

Gerard jumped, and Frank giggled. Gerard thought he could get a high from that sound; it was beautiful.

"Hey, Gerard."

Gerard took a moment to catch his breath before his responded. "Hi."

"Mind if I sit over here today?" Frank asked, and his face looked vulnerable, like he was waiting for, or expecting Gerard to say no.

"Not at all," Was what he said instead, and Frank slid into the desk next to his.

"What are you drawing?" He asked, nodding at the sketchbook that Gerard had hastily thrown closed when Frank revealed himself.

"Nothing," Gerard answered, shaking his head.

Frank cocked an eyebrow suspiciously, but said nothing.

Ms. Barrett walked in then, pulling a TV cart behind her. She shut off the lights, put on a video about the battle at Wounded Knee, and told everyone she expected 3 things you learned from the video before the class left.

Naturally, everyone started talking as soon as the movie started.

Frank turned to face Gerard. "Would it offend you if I told you your brother was really hot?"

Gerard's stomach turned. Frank had a crush on Mikey? Of course, because everything in Gerard's life just had to be awkward, didn't it?

In an effort to seem like he wasn't about to vomit, he thought, _What would a straight guy say_?

"I'm gonna answer your question with a question. Would it offend you if I told you your mother was really hot?" Gerard asked, smiling. Linda was obviously beautiful, after all. Even a gay guy would notice. He worried for a moment that it actually was going to offend Frank, until Frank smiled, too.

"Not at all. I think my mother's gorgeous."

"I'm not offended, but you're barking up the wrong tree. Mikey's straight, and he has a girlfriend named Alicia."

"I didn't say I wanted to date him. I just said he was hot. And I think you should totally hook up with my mom. You'd be an awesome dad!"

"Then I get to yell at you about your grades and your bad attitude!"

They both started chuckling, which earned them a dirty look from Ms. Barrett, but neither of them cared.

"How old is your mom, anyway?" Gerard wondered aloud, thinking back to his parents' conversation the night before.

Frank widened his eyes. "You're not seriously gonna try to bed my mom, are you?"

"No!" Gerard shook his head with a half-laugh, "My parents were curious."

"She's 40."

"Really? She doesn't look a day over 30."

"Our family's like that. Once we hit a certain age, we stop getting older. She still gets carded sometimes."

"I bet it annoys her."

"Are you serious?" Frank asked with a roll of his eyes. "She _is_ a woman; she loves when people think she's younger than she is. It's the ultimate compliment."

"It pisses _me_ off."

"I can imagine."

"Does your mom buy you cigarettes, or do you just bum 'em off your friends?"

Frank smiled. "Sometimes Mom does. I used to make my friend James buy them for me, before we moved."

"Why'd you move?"

Frank's face went vacant, and his smile vanished, just like it had the day before.

"We just needed a new place," Frank said, feigning indifference, but Gerard saw right through it. "You never just needed new faces?"

Gerard shook his head. "I've lived in Belleville all my life. Same house and everything."

"Really? And you're not bored?"

He shrugged. "Not really. I don't really have friends, so I don't have people to get bored with."

"You have me," Frank offered, his voice sincere.

Gerard's palms went clammy. Frank probably had no idea how much that statement meant to him.

"I hope you don't get bored with me," Frank added, smiling softly.

Gerard smiled feebly. "I don't think that's possible."

The innocence and honesty behind Frank's eyes was too intense. Gerard looked away, and at that moment, the bell rang.

Frank stood. "I'll see you in the cafeteria?" He offered.

Gerard nodded. "Sure."

Frank left then, but snuck one last look back at Gerard before he left the room.

Gerard walked to his locker in a trance, thinking about what Frank said.

Frank called himself Gerard's friend. He had no idea of the severity of that statement.

Gerard knew he was weird. He got way too attached, and way too fast. He was clingy and always wanted to be around his friends, which ended nearly every friendship he'd ever had. He had no sense of moderation; how much time spent with someone was too much.

He broke out in a cold sweat, and his knees started shaking. He barely knew Frank, and already he was making himself sick over the thought of pushing him away.

~~~~

Gerard spent his lunch period as he usually did; wandering the halls. He'd totally forgotten about telling Frank he'd meet him in the lunchroom.

He ended up in Mr. Kaiser's room 10 minutes early.

"Hey, Gerard. How's school?" Mr. Kaiser asked, not taking his eyes off his computer screen.

"Fine. What are we working on today?"

That was when Mr. Kaiser finally looked at Gerard. "Actually, I have a meeting at 12:45, so I was wondering if you'd mind taking over again today."

"Sure. What are we doing?"

"Portraits. Pick someone to model for you, and do a quick sketch on the overhead, and then have them pair up and sketch each other. Show them techniques for shading and stuff. This isn't gonna be a quality grade, just participation."

Gerard shook his head. "I can handle that."

He set up the overhead while Mr. Kaiser got ready to leave.

The first bell rang, and the kids started pouring in. Mr. Kaiser left with a 'Thank you!' and the class was left to Gerard.

"OK, so Mr. Kaiser has a meeting, so I'll be teaching the class again today."

He was careful to not let his eyes rest on Frank for too long. He looked upset.

"I need a volunteer to come help me." He scanned the room, deliberately not picking Frank. "Mallory, will you come up here?"

She nodded, and stood, walking to the front of the room. She was actually the perfect model, standing perfectly still while Gerard did a crude, quick sketch. He noticed that she had very prominent cheekbones, and really full lips. She was actually really pretty.

He showed the class how to shade different parts of the face, and that was it. He signed the bottom of the overhead page, and handed it to Mallory. She smiled, because even though it was just a quick example, it was still pretty good.

"Now I want everyone to take out their sketchbooks and pair up. You can take turns modeling, or sketch each other at the same time."

Gerard sat down in Mr. Kaiser's seat, and took out his sketchbook, finishing some random vampire that popped into his head this morning.

Once again, he was so engrossed in his drawing that he didn't notice Frank looming over him until he cleared his throat. But thankfully, Gerard didn't jump this time. He just looked up to see Frank holding his sketchbook, and looking kinda nervous.

"Need some help?" Gerard offered.

Frank scratched a non-existent itch on the side of his head. "I, uh, need a model. Do you mind?" He asked timidly.

Gerard suddenly remembered that with Frank, there were now 19 kids in the class, which meant that there wasn't enough for even pairs.

"Not at all," Gerard said coolly, gesturing to the chair on the other side of the desk. He closed his book and set it aside. Frank sat down, crossed his legs, and propped his sketchbook up against them.

"Any specific position you want me in?" Gerard asked. He noticed the double meaning to his words, and tried to keep the smile from his face.

So did Frank, though he made no effort to hide the short, sly grin. "Actually, you looked really good while you were drawing," Frank said, looking to the ground, looking almost embarrassed. "Do you mind?" He repeated.

"Not at all," Gerard said again, grabbing his sketchbook and opening it to a new page in the back. Frank couldn't see the page from his position, so Gerard took advantage of the opportunity, and started drawing Frank. He looked up to study Frank every time Frank looked down at his own sketch. He was doing it discreetly, so he couldn't necessarily ask him to turn his head a little here, or look there, but Frank was in a pretty good position, and surprisingly, he was pretty still, moving his head every few minutes. Gerard was already used to Frank nearly buzzing at all times due to the natural amount of energy he radiated. But when he was focused, he was unnaturally calm. Well, calm for Frank. He made a great model, the metal in his face catching the light perfectly, though Gerard just assumed that he was one of those people that looked amazing in any light and at any time. He had these ridiculous cheekbones, and a jawline that could cut glass. Even if alternative wasn't your type, how anyone could think Frank wasn't gorgeous was a travesty. If he was this good-looking at only 17, God only knew how beatuiful he'd be in ten years. Gerard could make himself dizzy thinking on it. 

They both sat, sketching each other in silence for the entire period.

Frank cocked his head, looking back and forth between his sketch and Gerard. "I'm a shitty artist," He commented, laughing.

"It can't be that bad," Gerard argued.

"You look like a fish," Frank rebutted.

"Maybe I've got a subtle fishy appearance and you're the first to pick up on it."

"Shut up," Frank said with a smile as he stood and walked to the lockers, where the students kept their supplies.

"You're not even gonna show me?" Gerard asked after him.

"Nope!" Frank called over his shoulder as the bell rung. He was swept out the door with the other kids.

Gerard signed the bottom of his sketch, though he never planned on showing it to Frank. He gathered his things, locking the art room up before heading to his last class of the day.


	6. Chapter 6

Gerard didn't bother to wait after school. He just started his walk home. After lighting a cigarette, of course.

He stopped mid-step when he heard galloping footsteps behind him. He turned and saw Frank running after him.

"Hey!" Frank called. Gerard stopped walking, giving Frank time to catch up to him. "Why didn't you wait for me?" He asked, panting.

Gerard shrugged. He was trying to distance himself from Frank, not glom onto him so quickly and scare him like he'd done to so many other friends.

"You, uh, you weren't at lunch," Frank said softly, almost accusing.

"I forgot to tell you. I don't _do_ lunch."

"What does that mean?" Frank asked, lighting his own cigarette.

"I spend my lunch hour walking the halls and visiting with old teachers. Too many people in the cafeteria. Someone'll notice me, and that's never good."

"What's wrong with being noticed?" Frank chuckled.

"Not the good kind of noticed," Gerard explained, shaking his head. "Noticed by assholes that have nothing better to do than to fuck with me and make me regret my existence."

"If, uh," Frank said, kicking at rocks nervously. He very pointedly wasn't looking at Gerard. "If you were with me, I don't think they'd fuck with you."

"What makes you think that?"

Frank cracked a smile. "All the guys are afraid of me. They think I'm gonna kiss them."

Gerard chuckled.

"As cool as kissing Mark was, I think I've pretty much fucked myself in terms of a social life here. Everyone thinks I'm some weird kid that likes to make out with random dudes. They all pretty much avoid me," Frank confessed, still watching his shoes. He looked up and caught Gerard's eye then. "Everyone except you."

Gerard felt like a butterfly under a magnifying glass, being studied by Frank.

"Why aren't you afraid of me?" Frank asked thoughtfully.

"I understand you. I know why you kissed Mark, and even though it seemed like a good idea at the time, you regret it now. I get it. Plus," Gerard sighed heavily, not wanting to admit this to Frank, "I'm more or less what you would define as a loser. I don't have talk to many people, and I've never even been in a relationship. I'm in no position to turn down friends."

"Oh," Frank said sadly, his face falling. "So you're friends with me just because I was there?"

"No!" Gerard almost yelled, mentaly kicking himself. "Frank, I didn't mean it like that. I just meant that... Fuck, I don't know. You're different. You're not a dick, and you don't treat me like the outcast I am. You treat me like I'm normal, and you're just really easy to talk to."

"There's something about you, Gerard. I can't quite put my finger on it, but... You're safe. I feel like I've known you forever, and I just wanna apologize in advance for any freaking you out I might do in the future."

"What does that mean?" Gerard asked, flicking the ashes from his cigarette.

"I'm kinda... clingy. When I meet someone I like, I wanna be around them all the time. Constantly texting and like, hanging out every day and I wanna know everything about them. I've pushed a lot of people away like that. I freak them out."

Gerard felt like someone had inflated a balloon in his chest.

"I'm kinda the same way," Gerard threw out nonchalantly. Inside, he was dancing with joy.

He was momentarily hypnotized by the way Frank's eyes lit up. "Really?"

Gerard smiled slightly and nodded. "I've scared a lot of friends off, too. I never really had friends growing up, so when I make new ones, I get way too attached way too fast."

"Sucks, doesn't it?"

Gerard nodded.

"But me, I'm a hypocrite. It takes a while for me to trust people, and eventually they get tired of waiting to get to know me. There are some pretty fucking dark spots in my past, and it still hurts to think about it, let alone tell people. But like with you, I already feel like I can trust you."

"You can. I promise," Gerard said.

Frank looked up at him, his eyes wide.

"Thank you."

They finished their walk in silence, until they were standing outside Frank's house.

"You wanna... walk to school together tomorrow?" Frank asked timidly, still afraid that he was gonna scare Gerard away.

"Sure. Meet you here at 6:30?" He said, smiling. "Mikey might be here, too."

"Deal," Frank said. He walked over to his tree, but before he even started climbing the makeshift ladder, he quickly walked back over to Gerard. He hesitated for a moment, before throwing his arms around Gerard and hugging him tightly. Gerard blushed fiercely.

"Thanks. For everything," Frank whispered.

"Anytime," Gerard whispered back.

Frank stepped out of the hug and climbed up his tree and through his window without another look back. Gerard watched him shimmy through his window before crossing the street to his own house.

~~~~

"What's he like?" Mikey asked as he and Gerard crossed the street the next morning.

"He's funny."

"Is that it?"

"I don't know," Gerard shrugged. "He's really nice and brave and admittedly, kind of a spaz, but in a good way."

They leaned against the Oak in the Iero's front yard, waiting for Frank to climb down. Gerard was surprised when the front door opened, instead. It wasn't Frank that walked out, but Mrs. Iero.

"Hi, boys. Frank's not feeling well today, so he's gonna stay home with me. Gerard, he said he's really sorry."

Gerard's heart fell, but he tried hard to keep his face from following suit. "It's fine, Mrs. Iero."

"Oh, Gerard, honey, call me Linda. Mrs. Iero makes me sound old."

Gerard chuckled. "Tell Frank to feel better!" He called as he and Mikey started down the street to school.

"I will!" Linda called back.

Gerard was silent the entire way to school. He couldn't shake the nagging feeling that Frank wasn't really sick, just trying to avoid him.

~~~~

Gerard went through school in an almost catatonic state. Not having Frank there really depressed him, even though he knew he shouldn't be so attached so quickly.

The Art class was still working on their portraits, and since Frank was gone, Gerard didn't have anything to do.

He really wanted to sneak into Frank's art locker and look at his drawing of him. But Frank didn't wanna show him, so he wasn't gonna break his trust and look at it anyway.

He walked home alone, already missing Frank, who should've been there smoking with him.


	7. Chapter 7

Gerard stayed up late that night, sneakily watching Frank's house. Nobody went in, and nobody came out. He didn't even see Frank's face in any of the windows.

He woke up early the next morning, though he really just wanted to sleep in. Saturdays were his least favorite day of the week. He had read and reread every book and comic book he and Mikey had, there was never anything good on TV, there weren't enough songs on his iPod to keep him occupied, he could never concentrate long enough to finish a sketch, he always had all his homework done (usually before he left school on Friday), Mikey was always at Alicia's house, and both his parents worked all day Saturdays. There was never anything to do.

Gerard ended up blasting music and cleaning the entire house twice. That's how he usually spent his Saturdays. Mikey was the only one that ever noticed.

His father came home at 4, and immediately stretched out on the sofa with the newspaper and a beer. His mother came home about half an hour later.

She rushed through the door, frantic and frazzled.

"There's a man next door," She said excitedly, wide-eyed and giddy.

Gerard's father sprang up from the couch, joining his wife at the window.

"What are you doing?" Gerard asked.

"I wanna see what's going on," His mother answered, nose pressed against the glass. "I bet that's the boy's father."

"His parents are pretty tall. Wonder where he got so short."

"Who cares if that's Frank's father?" Gerard scolded his parents, "It's none of your business."

"So?" They answered in unison, not taking their eyes off the house across the street.

Gerard groaned and went down to his basement. This had absolutely nothing to do with them. Still, he heard raised voices through his open window, and snuck a look at Mr. and Mrs. Iero.

Linda was standing at the open front door, her arms crossed. She looked pissed.

"I have a right! I'm his father!" Frank's dad screamed. Gerard jumped even from across the street, but Linda didn't flinch. She was probably used to him yelling.

"Some kind of father you are!" She rebutted. Frank's father took a step forward, and Linda set her hand on the doorframe, blocking him from entering the house. Gerard saw her eyes flit to the tree in the yard, and naturally, his gaze followed. Frank was climbing down the tree. When he hit the ground, he took off running. As soon as he was out of the neighborhood, Linda removed her hand and stepped aside, allowing Frank's father entrance to the house, presumably to look for Frank.

Gerard waited for a moment, before he threw on a grey hoodie and his shoes. He ran upstairs.

"Ray called. I'm gonna go hang out with him," He said to his parents' backs. They were still looking out the window, even though it was pointless now that Mr. and Mrs. Iero had taken their shouting match inside.

"I've got my cell," He added.

"All right. Be careful," Donna said without looking away from the window.

Gerard rolled his eyes in disgust. He left the house, walking in the direction he'd seen Frank run off in.

"Frank?" He called. "Frank!"

Gerard spent half an hour wandering the suburbs of New Jersey looking for Frank. "Frank! Frank!" He yelled, hoping to find him before some deranged murderer did.

He made it all the way to the park with no sign of his friend anywhere. He was ready to give up and turn around when he heard sniffling from behind a large bush at the South end of the park.

"Frank?" He asked softly, approaching the bush carfeully. The sounds stopped.

Gerard breathed a huge sigh of relief. He walked around the bush and saw Frank curled into a tiny space, his legs pulled up to his chest, his arms wrapped around them, his face buried in his knees.

"Frank," Gerard said. But this time it wasn't a question.

Frank raised his head and Gerard saw that his face was soaked with tears.

Gerard knelt down next to him. "Are you okay?" He asked, setting a hand on his shoulder. Frank was in a thin T-shirt and fleece pajama pants, not much protection from the harsh Jersey wind.

"I'm fine," He said, though his voice was shaky.

"No, you're not," Gerard insisted, sitting down beside him.

Frank sniffled again, and wiped his face on his arm. "I fucking hate him, Gerard."

"I get it. I hate my parents sometimes, too."

"No. You don't understand. I _hate_ him. He's always fucking drinking."

Gerard didn't really see what the big deal was. Gerard's father drank sometimes, too.

Frank's eyes went glassy, vacant. "When he drinks, he gets..." He looked at Gerard, and Gerard saw the fear etched in every feature of his face, "Violent."

Gerard's mouth went dry.

Frank unwrapped his arms from his knees, and buried his face in his hands. "He broke my arm a few years back," Frank sobbed into his hands. "That's when Mom finally filed for divorce."

"Frank, I-I-" Gerard stuttered, not knowing what to say. What _do_ you say when your only friend tells you he's got an abusive father?

"We've moved 7 times because of him. We'll settle in a new place but he just won't leave us alone. We keep moving farther and farther from him, but he follows us. He drove three fucking hours today. We never reported the attacks, because he'd have gotten fired if we did. And now we can't, because we have no proof. But now, it’s like he's stalking us. That's why the boxes are still in the attic. We don't bother unpacking anymore, because we know we're just gonna move again. But I like it here. I don't wanna leave home. I don't wanna leave school." He looked at Gerard, his eyes wide and wet. "I don't wanna leave you."

"I don't want you to leave, Frank. I won't let you. We'll figure something out."

Frank smiled feebly and wiped his nose on his arm. "How did you know where I was?"

"I saw you run. I followed you. I wanted to make sure you were safe."

Frank chuckled sarcastically. "I can take care of myself."

"You don't have to," Gerard insisted, setting a hand on Frank's shoulder, "I'm here for you, Frank. You can trust me."

Frank launched himself at Gerard, hugging him tightly.

"Thank you, Gerard," He mumbled into Gerard's shoulder.

They sat like that, Gerard just holding Frank as he cried. It should've been awkward, because they barely knew each other, but it felt as natural as breathing to Gerard.

"It's getting dark," Gerard whispered after a while.

Frank sat back up, wiping off his face. "I guess we should go home." He wrapped his arms around himself and shivered. Gerard pulled off his hoodie, and draped it over Frank's shoulders. Frank looked up at him and smiled.

"You don't need it?"

Gerard shook his head, and Frank slipped his arms through the sleeves and zipped it up halfway.

Gerard held his hand out to help Frank up. Even when he was standing, Frank didn't let go of Gerard, he just twined their fingers together.

Suddenly, Frank bent over, hacking.

"Frank?" Gerard asked.

"I'm good," Frank said a moment later, when he was finished coughing. "I _am_ still sick. That wasn't just an excuse to play hooky."

Gerard chuckled, silently relieved. So Frank wasn't trying to avoid Gerard at all. It made him smile.

They walked home slowly, Gerard showing Frank the back way from the park that led straight to the Way's backyard. Just as they passed the basement door, Frank saw the black pick-up still sitting in front of his house. He U-turned, hiding in the stairwell to the Way's basement door, dragging Gerard with him.

"How long has it been?" Frank asked.

"An hour, at least."

Frank shook his head. "Something's wrong." He went to run, but Gerard still had a solid grip on him. He pulled him back.

"It's not safe."

"It's my mom, Gerard! Stay here," He commanded, finally taking his hand out of Gerard's, and sprinting across the street. Instead of climbing up his tree like he usually did, he burst through the front door, slamming it behind him.

Gerard waited a total of ten seconds before he ran after Frank. He knew it was dangerous and stupid, but he wasn't about to let Frank and Linda get hurt. He couldn't live with himself if something were to happen to one of them, something he could have prevented.

He opened the door and slipped through it, trying as hard as possible to keep silent. He heard yelling in the kitchen.

"I'm your father, you owe me some respect!"

"How can you be a father when you're not even a man?" Frank threw back.

Gerard peeked his head around the corner. Linda was on the floor in the corner, blood dripping from her nose. Frank's father had a handful of Gerard's hoodie, holding Frank next to him, and almost an inch off the floor.

"How dare you speak to me that way?" He threw Frank down next to Linda, and Gerard flinched at the sound when the back of his head collided with the cabinet. "Go get dressed. You're coming with me," He demanded.

"He's not going anywhere with you," Linda said.

Frank's father raised his hand like he was about to strike her again, but Frank stood up, although his knees were shaking.

"I'll go with you," He said. Gerard gasped. "Just don't touch her again."

"Frank..."

"It's ok, Mom."

Frank's father set a firm hand on the back of Frank's neck, leading him out of the room. Gerard had never seen such fear in someone's eyes before.

"You're not going anywhere with him, Frank," Gerard said, stepping into the kitchen, blocking Frank and his father. Frank's face lightened, like Gerard was a prophet who had just saved his life.

"Who the hell are you?" Frank's father asked, and Gerard heard the fear in his voice. Apparently, he didn't like having witnesses.

Down the block, a police siren wailed.

"You hear that?" Gerard asked smugly, though his legs were nearly jello.

Frank's father's eyes widened when he picked up the sirens.

"They're coming for you," Gerard managed to keep his voice strong and level, although he was terrified. He wasn't sure where he'd gotten this sudden courage, but he was afraid it wasn't gonna last long.

Frank's father let go of Frank and an to the front door, where Frank instead ran to his mother's side.

"I don't think you should come back," Gerard said, following Frank's father. "Belleville cops don't take too kindly to child abusers."

Linda and Frank walked over to where Gerard was standing in the doorway. Linda set a protective hand on Gerard's shoulder, and Frank grabbed his hand again.

"Frank?" Linda called, and Frank's father (who apparently was also named Frank) looked at her as he climbed into the cab of his truck. "Expect a subpoena in the mail in a few weeks. It'll be for the restraining order."

Frank gasped, a huge smile on his face.

"You're gonna take my only son from me?" Frank's father asked, angrily.

"When you learn to be a father, you can call me your son," Frank spat.

Frank's dad slammed the cab door, and peeled out of the driveway, speeding down the street.

Frank slammed the front door, and collapsed into Linda's arms.

"Are you serious, Mom?" He asked, tearing up again.

"I'm done with this shit, Frank. He'll never touch you again."

Frank squeezed his mother tightly, then flung himself at Gerard.

"You're an idiot! I told you to stay away!" He said, though Gerard could hear the smile in his voice.

Gerard hugged him back. "You're welcome," He said, smugly.

"Did you really call the cops, Gerard?" Linda asked.

"No. But this is Jersey. There's always police sirens in the distance," He said with a smile. In all actuality, it was almost a miracle.

Linda bent down and kissed Gerard's cheek. "Thank you."

"No problem."

Frank grabbed his mother's hand and led her down the hall and Gerard followed. Frank sat his mother on the tub, and cleaned off her bloody nose.

"I'm sorry you had to see that, Gerard," Linda said.

"Don't you dare apologize."

Gerard's phone beeped. He pulled it from his pocket, and read the message from his mother.

"I gotta go."

"I'll walk you home," Frank offered.

He and Gerard took their time, crossing the street slowly.

"You guys are gonna be ok?" Gerard asked.

"Yeah. Now we are. I don't know how to thank you."

"You don't need to thank me. I didn't do anything."

Frank rolled his eyes.

Gerard's phone beeped again, but before he could open the message, Frank pulled it from his hand. Gerard reached for it, but Frank held it away, pounding on the keys.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing," Frank said, sliding it closed and giving it back. Gerard looked through it thoroughly, but couldn't find anything that wasn't the way he'd left it.

"Bye, Gerard. Thanks for everything," He said, hugging him once more, and walking back home. Gerard stood on the front porch, watching Frank walk home.


	8. Chapter 8

Gerard's bed shook like a schooner, which jerked him awake. He assumed it was about 10, judging by the light filtering through his curtains.

"Your bed's comfy," Frank said.

Gerard sat upright, and found Frank stretched across the foot of his bed.

"How did you get in here?" Gerard asked.

"I came to return your mom's platter, and she let me in. I think we should take the nails out of the door. It'll make sneaking out slash in a lot more convenient."

"I don't sneak out slash in," Gerard said.

"Well, now you're friends with me, and I do. So you'll have to get used to it."

"Why are you here?" Gerard asked, running his fingers through what he assumed was a giant rat's nest on his head.

"My mom and I need help. So get dressed. I'm gonna wait upstairs."

"Wha-" Gerard said to himself after Frank left. Then he shook his head. _I'm not even gonna ask._

Gerard got dressed and walked upstairs, where he found Frank seated at the island in the kitchen, drowning a waffle in strawberry syrup.

"Morning, sunshine," He said when he noticed Gerard. He held his plate out to him. "Waffle?"

Gerard chuckled. "I'm good."

"So where are you taking my son?" Donna asked. And Gerard was shocked to see that the smile on her face was genuine. Apparently his parents had warmed up to Frank.

"Just to my place," Frank mumbled with a mouth full of waffle. "Some stuff needs to be moved around, and I don't think I'm strong enough."

"Not to mention not tall enough," Gerard said, and Frank ran his finger through the leftover syrup on his plate and smeared it on Gerard's cheek.

"Ew! Frank!"

Frank was laughing so hard, he almost fell off his stool. Donna grimaced, but faked a smile.

Gerard ran to the sink to wipe the syrup off his face with the wet dishrag, then whipped it at Frank. Frank looked down at the huge wet spot it left on his shirt, then whipped it back at Gerard. Gerard ducked, and it landed in Donna's coffee cup.

Frank and Gerard both widened their eyes, trying and totally failing to not look guilty.

Donna pursed her lips and turned her ice eyes on Gerard. That told him that play time was officially over.

"Come on, Frank!" Gerard said, grabbing his friend's sleeve and nearly pulling him off his stool and towards the door. Before they closed it behind them, Gerard popped his head back in. "By the way, Frank's mom is 40."

Donna's jaw dropped, and Gerard closed the door.

"I like your mom," Frank said. "She's nice. Your dad's kinda quiet, but I like him, too."

"They've got some fucked up views, and they're nosy, but all in all, they're pretty good parents."

"My mom loves the hell outta you," Frank commented with a smile. "She thinks you're brave and sweet and I quote, 'The kind of person I need in my life'."

"She barely knows me," Gerard dismissed Frank's compliment, blushing.

Frank shrugged. "I talk to her all the time. She's my best friend. I may or may not have told her about you. About how you TA for my Art class, and how you smoke, and how you're clingy likem me. She says we make a good match."

Gerard blushed. He was sure Linda meant that they'd make a good couple, and Gerard couldn't agree more. But he'd never even said that he was gay out loud in an empty room, let alone would ever tell someone. He was sure he'd never have to guts to tell Frank.

"I think we even each other out," Gerard said, slinging an arm around Frank's shoulder. "I play thing a little too safe, and am a little too cautious. You don't think before you act, and you're too impulsive. But together, we're the perfect combination of wuss and dumbass."

"I take it I'm the dumbass half?"

"Eh..." Gerard said, and Frank elbowed him in the side.

Frank let Gerard in through the front door, and he was surprised to see that there were boxes everywhere, and all the furniture was pushed up against the walls. Linda was shaking out a rug in the backyard. She walked in, and Gerard saw that she was in cut-off shorts and a hot pink tank top.

"Aren't you cold?"

"A little, but we're gonna work up a sweat. I don't assume Frank asked you to help instead of dragging you out of bed against your will?"

"Mom. Really? You think I care whether or not he _wanted_ to help?"

"You're so rude, Frankie," She smiled as she walked past, ruffling his hair. He swatted at her hands, and jumped on the arm of the sofa.

"Frankie?" Gerard repeated, smiling. "Your mom calls you Frankie?"

Frank blushed.

"That's adorable!"

"Bite me," Frank said, fixing his hair.

"We're finishing our unpacking," Linda said happily, her hands on her hips. Gerard knew what that meant.

"You're staying?" He asked Frank, hopefully.

"Yep," Frank said, beaming at Gerard.

"You can sit on the couch and supervise, if you don't wanna help," Linda said.

"I'm not just gonna watch. Of course I'll help."

Frank smiled. "Let's get to it," He said, leaping off the couch. "Ma, I'm plugging my iPod in," He told Linda, kneeling in front of the stereo and connecting his iPod to the speakers.

"Go ahead," She called as she walked in the kitchen. "I'll start in here."

"All right!" Frank pressed a button on the stereo, and the Misfits came blasting through the speakers. Gerard smiled when he recognized the song.

"Sinatra!" Frank called, and the dog came galloping down the stairs. "Watch this," Frank said to Gerard. He grabbed a plastic cup from a box, and held it out to the dog. "Take it to Mama!"

Sinatra grabbed the cup in his mouth, and ran it to the kitchen.

"Thank you, Frank!" Linda called from the other room.

"Ok, that's pretty cool."

"He can play soccer, too."

"Awesome," Gerard said as Frank started opening boxes marked 'Living/Dining'.

Gerard would've never imagined that unpacking could've been so much fun.

Linda had somewhat of a throw pillow collection, so at one point, Gerard and Frank took cover behind couches on opposite ends of the house and launched them at each other.

When they helped Linda unpack the china in the kitchen, Frank stuck an ice cube down the back of her shirt, so she soaked him with the sprayer from the sink. She turned the sprayer on Gerard when he laughed, but he deflected the water with a large serving platter. By the end of the water fight, the entire kitchen was soaked, but Linda didn't care. She just threw towels down, and all three of them shimmied across the floor on them, soaking up the water.

After the water fight, they decided it would be a good idea to ride mattresses down the stairs, which was ridiculous and unsafe, and Gerard practically fell in love with Linda when she suggested it.

They were all upstairs when Frank's iPod skipped to an ABBA song. Gerard laughed and Frank blushed, but Linda just jumped on the bathroom counter and sang 'Dancing Queen' into her hairbrush, like a 16 year old girl. Then, when Mambo No. 5 by Lou Bega came on, they all jumped on Linda's huge California King Bed and started dancing together.

"Mom, if we're gonna stay, can we paint the attic?"

"I don't see why not," Linda said as she vaulted off the bed. "It's barely 1. Wanna go get paint now?"

"Hell yeah!" Frank yelled, running downstairs to grab his shoes.

"Gerard, you coming?" Linda joked.

"If that's okay."

She set a hand on Gerard's shoulder. "Gerard, sweetie, you're special. There's something about you that Frank really loves. And as long as you're Frank's friend, consider yourself my adopted son. That means you're welcome in this house and with this family at any time. I think you're good for Frank. I'm glad he has a friend like you." Gerard blushed, and Linda hugged him.

"I'm starting the car!" Frank yelled from downstairs.

"Let's go," Linda laughed.

Frank made Gerard sit in back of the van with him and Sinatra. They cracked jokes (Linda kept telling sex jokes that would've made Gerard sick were they coming from his own mother, but Frank just laughed hysterically) and told stories all the way to and from the hardware store.

Frank decided he wanted three walls red, and one he wanted to cover in chalkboard paint. So naturally, they needed to buy chalk in every color of the rainbow, and Frank also wanted a 'Beware of Dog' sign.

Linda also picked up some glow-in-the-dark paint, two gallons of a cheap black paint, and three high-capacity squirt guns. When Frank saw them, he smiled like a kid on Christmas, but Linda told him he wasn't allowed to play with them until they finished his room. Then Frank decided that he wanted the paint fight to take place in that attic, because red walls splattered with black would look awesome.

Gerard and Frank cleared out the attic, and laid a few tarps down. It only took about three hours to finish the two coats of the red, and then they prepared their squirt guns.

Gerard was almost in shock. His parents would never let him and Mikey do this.

Since there was nothing to hide behind, they all got pretty soaked. Frank commented at one point that he swallowed almost a half gallon, and Linda replied with 'That's what she said!', which had Gerard literally on the floor laughing, and Frank in the corner gagging.

Gerard and Frank decided that they needed to commemorate the occasion, so they dipped their hands in the glow-in-the-dark paint, and found a spot on the wall to mark with their handprints. Afterwards, they decided to make paint angels on the tarps. But Frank turned his into a devil by painting horns, a pitchfork, and a red tail on his. The boys decided to hose off the paint in the backyard while Linda actually showered. By the time the paint was dry and all Frank's stuff was back in the attic, it was 7:30.

"Gerard, are you gonna stay the night?" Linda asked, toweling off her hair.

"Do you want me to?" He asked Frank.

"Of course!" Frank answered, rolling his eyes like it was so obvious.

"Is there anything you don't eat on pizza?"

Gerard shrugged. "Not really."

"What am I ordering?" Linda asked walking into the other room.

"Large mushroom and onion!" Frank called to her.

"I know what _you_ want. Gerard, anything in particular?"

"Not really," He repeated.

"We should go get you pajamas, unless you wanna sleep in wet clothes," Frank suggested.

"I really don't," Gerard said with a smile.

"Mom, we'll be back in a minute!"

"OK!"

~~~~

"Gerard, what happened to you?" Donna asked when they walked in.

"We painted Frank's room," Gerard answered sheepishly.

"Don't drip all over my floor!" Donna yelled after them.

While Gerard was gathering pajamas and clothes for school the next morning in a bag, Frank pulled a small hammer from his pocket.

Gerard turned around as he pulled the first nail from the door. "What are you doing? My mom and dad'll flip if they found out I took the nails out without asking them."

"So ask them," Frank said matter-of-factly.

"They'll say no."

"How often do they come down here?" Frank asked, rolling his eyes.

"They don't."

"So then they'll never know ," he said, smiling wickedly.

Gerard smiled, too, and helped Frank pull the rest of the nails from the basement door.

~~~~

"Frank, want some?" Linda asked, wiggling a slice of bacon and olive pizza in Frank's direction.

"Ew, no! Get that shit away from me," He said, cowering and giggling.

"Don't like olives?" Gerard asked.

"Don't eat meat," Frank corrected. "Not since I was 13."

"That's cool."

"Are you kidding me?" Linda asked. "It's a pain in my ass. I've gotta make separate everything!"

"I've got a lot of food allergies," Frank explained. "So cooking for me is a pain in the ass to begin with."

"And Epstein-Barr. I think we should pool our money and buy you a bubble to live in," Linda joked.

"What's Epstein-Barr?" Gerard asked.

"It's this sickness I've got. I'm susceptible to bouts of bronchitis. That's why I wasn't in school for two weeks after we got here, and why I wasn't there on Friday."

"That sucks."

"Yeah, but Mom takes good care of me, so I'm not complaining."

Gerard felt the friendship between Frank and Linda. Part of him wished he could have that kind of relationship with his parents.

~~~~

Frank forewent his bed that night to sleep on the floor with Gerard.

"I had fun today," Gerard said as Frank turned off the lights and fell into his makeshift sleeping bag on the floor.

"Me, too. It's weird having someone besides my mom to hang out with. Does that make me sound like a loser?"

"Yeah, kinda. But that's ok, cuz I'm a loser, too."

"We make an awesome team of losers," Frank said, yawning. "Gerard?"

"Yeah?"

"You'll still be here when I wake up, right?" He asked, and Gerard heard the sleep in his voice.

"Of course, Frank. I'm here for as long as you want me to be."

"Thank you," Frank said as he rolled over onto his side. "Good night, Gerard."

"Good night, Frank." Gerard rolled over, too, and fell asleep staring at his and Frank's handprints, glowing brightly side by side.


	9. Chapter 9

"What does your mom do?" Gerard asked while they walked to school the next morning.

"Mom's a nurse. She works the day shift Monday through Friday, and gets home about two hours after me. She gets Saturday and Sunday off, only working weekends when it's really necessary. We get to hang out a lot. Mom's pretty chill, so it's like hanging out with someone my own age. Mom's like one of my best friends. I can talk to her about anything."

"That's pretty sweet. My parents are always working. Mom manages a salon, and Dad's a CPA or some shit. I don't really know; it’s something really confusing."

Frank laughed. "At least you have Mikey."

Gerard grimaced. "I used to. We used to be super close, like best friends. I guess when I think about it, he's the only real friend I've ever had."

Gerard noticed the dejected look on Frank's face. "Besides you." Frank smiled. "But Mikey's been dating Alicia for a while, so he's always with her. Plus he works at a Barnes And Noble downtown. He's never home anymore. I think he misses me, though. He keeps trying to get me a job with him."

"Why don't you take it?"

"I've got social anxiety."

"What does that mean?"

Gerard looked at Frank and sighed. "I'm afraid of new people. Talking to them, introducing myself. If I'm alone in a huge crowd, I start panicking. I think that's why my parents never moved us. They know how I am around new people."

"You weren't weird around me."

"I was, I just hid it."

Frank cocked an eyebrow. "What does that mean?"

Gerard chuckled. "You remember how I kinda ignored you in Art your first day?"

"Yeah," Frank answered, raising half his mouth in a smile.

"I wasn't really giving Mr. Kaiser the chance to introduce himself. I was nervous about talking to you for the first time."

Frank laughed. "Why?"

"I don't know! I freak myself out around new people."

"Am I still a new person to you?" Frank asked, his face curiousl.

Gerard thought for a moment. "No, I guess not."

"Good."

~~~~

"What about your, uh... Dad?" Gerard asked later in History class. He wasn't sure if Frank was open to talking about him. But Frank's facial expression didn't change.

"My dad works at a Military base in Trenton. He's a Sergeant, I think. I don't really know exactly what he does, and I try not to ask. I guess that's why he was such a hard-ass. His dad stuck him in military school when he was a kid, and pretty much left him there. He grew up with corporal punishment." He sighed. "It wasn't bad in the beginning. Just a smack in the mouth when I was being a smartass or a swat on the ass when I did something I knew I wasn't supposed to do. Every kid gets a few of those in their lifetimes."

Gerard nodded. He personally hadn't, because he was always too scared to break the rules, but Mikey had gotten a fair amount in his youth.

"It got progressively worse and worse," Frank explained, and Gerard was more than a little surprised with how nonchalantly he was talking about his abuse.

"It got really bad when I was about 12, when I started getting an attitude and shit. There were times I'd have to stay home from school because of the bruises. I always figured it was my fault. I was kind of a little shit when I was a kid. And every time Dad hit me, I knew it was because of something I had done wrong. The first time I saw him put his hands on my mom, I realized that it wasn't us, it was him."

Gerard cleared his throat nervously. "How did he, uh..."

"Say what you wanna say, Gerard. I don't mind talking about it, especially now that I know it'll never happen again," Frank said with a smile.

"How did he break your arm?" Gerard asked softly, still not wanting to speak so openly about it.

"I think he pushed me down the stairs, but don't quote me on that. I was unconscious for a while afterward."

Gerard's jaw dropped, and Frank giggled. "Not like a whole flight! There were six in front of our house, and he pushed me aside, and I lost my footing and fell. It scared the shit out of him, and he swore that he didn't mean to and that he was sorry, but it was still enough to make Mom leave him."

"That's horrible."

Frank shrugged. "I hit my head and passed out. I don't really remember any pain."

Gerard rolled his eyes. "I didn't mean the pain. I meant the whole experience. I can't imagine how hard it was for you."

Frank shrugged again. "I have Mom, and my friend James, before we left. But I never even told James about the shit with my Dad. I've only ever told you."

That hit Gerard in the best way.

~~~~

"Tell me more about your family," Frank said as they walked the halls for lunch. "I feel like you're a part of mine, but I don't know anything about yours."

Gerard groaned internally.

"There's not much to tell. Mikey's like me, all nerdy and into music and comic books. But he's a bit more outgoing. He's actually pretty popular around school. And what's funny is that nobody believes we're related."

"That's mean."

Gerard shrugged. "I'd rather be invisible than in the spotlight. But unfortunately, the way I look catapults me into the limelight a bit more than I prefer. But I'm not gonna change to please the idiots at this school. If they're gonna fuck with me because of it, oh, well."

"I get that."

"Mom and Dad are normal. We used to be really close when I was a kid, but we just grew apart. They're kind of conservative, and I'm obviously not. I mean, they still love me, but we just have different beliefs. "

"Like what?" Frank asked, gnawing on the straw he had stuck in his Icee.

"They're pretty anti-gay," Gerard admitted, reluctantly. He looked at Frank, expecting anger or disappointment, but his face was neutral. "That doesn't piss you off?" Gerard asked.

"Why would it? I mean, as a gay person, obviously I'm all for gay rights, but just because someone thinks differently than me, doesn't mean I'm gonna hate them. Your parents are all right in my book. They've never ostracized me because of my homosexuality."

"They don't know about your homosexuality."

"If they did, would they treat me differently?"

"I don't know. They like you. But that's probably a yes to anyone else."

Frank shrugged again. "Sorry if it sounds rude, but I'm not gonna judge your parents solely based on what you tell me about them."

"It's not rude at all. In fact, I think it's pretty mature."

"Oh, yeah, that's me," Frank said sarcastically, "The poster boy for maturity!"

"Oh, shut up," Gerard said, elbowing him in the side.

"So what other things are you into besides art?"

Gerard shrugged. "Comic books. Music. Horror movies."

Frank smiled. "Horror?"

"Yeah. The classics like Romero movies, Texas Chainsaw, Frankenstein, Dracula and slasher movies, like Michael, Freddy and Jason."

"Awesome!" Frank said, grinning. "Frankenstein is my favorite movie!"

"It's one of mine, too. What about you? What else are you into?"

"I like animals. Dogs, in particular. I wanted to go to vet school for the longest time, but I don't think I have the heart to put anything down. I'm really into music, too. I go to a lot of shows. I love punk shows. I love the energy and the aggression and how you always leave with blood all over you, whether its yours or not. I play guitar. Have since I was about 13." 

"You any good?"

"I don't know. I guess," Frank ducked his head in embarrassment.

"I bet you are," Gerard insisted with a smile.

~~~~

Frank decided that he needed a cigarette, so they were both late to Art, and were met with accusatory stares when they walked in.

"Hey, Mr. K," Gerard said, trying not to sound too guilty.

"Gerard, since you're not technically my student, there's nothing I can do about your tardiness. Frank, if it happens again, it's an hour detention."

"Sorry, Mr. Kaiser," Frank said, looking at the floor. He was actually trying to keep the smile from his face.

"What are we working on?" Gerard asked.

"We're finishing up the portraits. I don't have anything specific for you today, so just... Whatever," Mr. Kaiser said, waving his hand and dismissing the duo.

Frank grabbed his sketchbook from his locker, and he and Gerard settled down in the corner to finish their respective drawings.

The room was noisy, save for their secluded corner. They worked mostly in silence, but every once in a while they fired off a question they didn't think to ask earlier.

"How old is Mikey? How long has he been with Alicia? What's Alicia like?" Frank asked, not taking his eyes from his pencil.

Gerard chuckled. "Slow down, spaz. Mikey just turned 16 at the beginning of the month. He's been going out with Alicia for about 7 months. Alicia's cool. She's kinda popular, just like Mikey. She's pretty, and she's really nice. nice. funny, and I guess she smokes a lot of pot. Sometimes Mikey comes home reeking of weed, and of course, my parents are totally unaware."

"Does Mikey smoke?"

"Weed or cigarettes?"

"Either."

"He doesn't smoke cigarettes. He says they give him headaches. He smokes pot once in a while, but he's nowhere near the chimney Alicia is."

"Have you ever smoked weed?" Frank asked. Gerard looked up, and noticed that Frank's arm had stopped, and he was peeking at Gerard through his hair.

"No. Mikey brought some home once, and wanted to get me high, but I was too afraid. What about you?"

Frank smirked. "Are you kidding me? I used to have dreads. And they smelled like pot."

Gerard laughed, because he could not imagine what Frank looked like with dreads.

"Ew."

"Yeah, my friend James had this really good hookup in Hoboken, and I started a few weeks after I turned 13."

"Dude! 13? I didn't even start cigarettes until I was 16."

"I was a rebel. But I stopped when James got busted. He only got a ticket, because he was still a minor at the time, but I realized that the high wasn't worth the money or the jail time."

"How smart."

"Yeah. Plus it makes you really hungry, and I was starting to get fat."

Gerard laughed so hard he snorted, and everyone in the room turned to stare at him.

Frank waved at them.


	10. Chapter 10

Frank didn't put his sketchbook in his locker when he left class that day, but instead stuffed it in his bag.

Gerard and Frank parted after Art for their respective 7th hour classes, with a promise to meet at the front doors when their classes let out.

They started their walk home after lighting their cigarettes.

"So is it just Mikey then? You've never really had any other friends?"

Gerard contemplated for a moment before speaking. "I've got a few. They all pretty much started as Mikey's friends, and I gradually got more and more comfortable around them. Plus, there's my grandmother."

"Tell me about her."

"Her name's Elena. She's amazing. She's warm and comforting and sweet. She's a traditional Italian grandmother."

"You're Italian?"

"Half Italian. Half Scottish. Anyway, Elena's always trying to feed people and she loves playing cards, and she's just the coolest woman. Sometimes I wish she was my mom. She's really easy to talk to and she can read me like a book. She's the one who taught me to sing and how to draw."

"You sing?" Frank asked, his eyes sparkling.

"Oh, no. Not gonna happen," Gerard said.

Frank's face fell in mock disappointment. He opened his front door and led Gerard through it, and up to his attic. They both plopped down on Frank's bed.

"Are you a bad artist?" Frank asked.

Gerard shrugged. "I don't think I'm horrible. The art teachers seem to like my work. I've never really shown my work to anyone I thought would tell it to me straight," He admitted.

"Just your family?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Is that why you won't show me? You're afraid I'll think it's bad?"

"No. But the things I draw are part of me. The deepest, darkest inner workings of my mind are only expressed through my drawings. When I show someone my drawings, it's like letting them stomp around in my mind. It makes me feel unprotected. Vulnerable," Gerard explained, bringing his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around them, feeling vulnerable even talking about it.

"Do _I_ make you feel vulnerable?" Frank whispered.

"A little, I guess," Gerard confessed, his voice soft. "It's weird, having so much to lose. One wrong word or comment, and I could lose your friendship forever. It's scary. Actually, now that I think about it, it's almost crippling fear," Gerard sighed, shivering softly.

"Crippling?"

"You don't understand, Frank. I've never had this before. A best friend. Someone I can be myself around. Someone that knew me as the weird, freaky, clingy, isolated art kid I am, and still wanted to be around me."

"You're wrong. I do understand. I've never had it, either. I told you, I never even told James about most of my past, and he was my best friend for half my life. I guess I've never really thought about losing you as a friend. You're right; it is scary."

"I don't think there's anything you could say or do to lose me as a friend."

"If it's any consolation, there's no way you could get rid of me now. Short of telling me to go away and never come back, there's nothing about you that could scare me off."

Gerard looked up from where his eyes were glued to Frank's bedspread. He looked at Frank and knew that he was telling the truth; that he'd stay with Gerard no matter what. Gerard sighed and reached down into his backpack. He knew the feel of his leather-bound sketchbook, and pulled it out without even looking. He held it securely in his lap.

"One condition," He said.

Frank perked up. "Anything," He agreed with a smile.

"I wanna see your drawing of me," Gerard said with a smirk, nodding toward Frank's backpack.

Frank grimaced, but plucked his sketchbook from his bag regardless. He flipped a few pages, and set it on the bed between Gerard and him.

"Wow," Gerard said softly.

"What?" Frank asked, hopeful.

"You were right; it does look like a fish."

"Shut up!" He said, laughing.

"It's actually not bad," Gerard said, picking it up and looking at it from different angles. He had done some really good shading, and textures. Gerard handed the book back to Frank, and scooted himself closer to him. Frank leaned over his shoulder eagerly, and Gerard opened his book.

He flipped through the doodles and comic panels one by one, explaining each drawing. He lost his concentration a few times, however, because he was focused on how close Frank was to him, and the points where their bodies touched, and Frank's cherry Icee-scented breath blowing gently over his neck. He stopped talking completely when he realized that if he turned his head only a fraction of an inch, he'd be kissing Frank. But Frank's laugh pulled him back into the present, and he continued his explanations.

"That's a half-eaten zombie; Mikey and I stayed up late one night watching old Romero films. That's a gothic Superman doppelganger. That's Mikey sleeping."

"You're really good, Gerard. These are awesome."

"Thanks. Elena and I are looking into art schools for next year." He flipped another page. "And speak of the devil, that's Elena."

Frank studied the picture for a moment. Gerard remembered the day he'd drawn this, and how he thought he'd captured Elena's carefree, kind spirit perfectly. She'd been smiling as she had kicked Mikey's butt at Blackjack, and Gerard managed to grab the laugh lines around her mouth, the smile in her eyes.

"She's beautiful."

Gerard nodded. "She is." He flipped another page, not realizing how close he was to the back. He'd left the book open for a few seconds when he realized that the face gracing the page was the one not an inch from his own. He slammed it shut, but he wasn't quick enough.

Frank scoffed, and smiled at Gerard, who looked away in utter embarrassment. Frank's face was almost glowing with wonder. He tugged gently on the book, and Gerard, figuring he was already in the hole, released it.

He didn't look back at Frank until Frank spoke, a dangerous minute and a half later.

"This is me in Art. Drawing you."

Gerard looked back at him, and was pleasantly surprised to see that his sketchbook was opened in Frank's lap, and Frank was ghosting his hands gently over the page.

"This can't be me. I'm nowhere near that beautiful. Gerard, this looks like a fuckin' Michelangelo painting. My eyes are too small, and my hair is never that perfect, and my lips are chapped, and-"

"Yes, you are," Gerard said softly, stopping Frank mid-sentence, "You _are_ that beautiful."

Frank raised his head just enough to look Gerard in the eye.

"I mean," Gerard said, shaking his head, "You're a perfect model. You're pretty much an artist's wet dream. I feel like I could always find something interesting about you, no matter how many times I draw you. You've got really interesting hair and awesome bone structure and your piercings just make for that much more details. You're like the most amazing muse anyone could ask for. It's not even the best I could've done. You kept moving."

"I... I can stay still, if you want me to," Frank said, almost embarrassed.

"You'd _let_ me draw you?" Gerard asked in disbelief.

Frank shrugged. "Sure. What are friends for? How should I sit?"

Gerard grabbed his pencils and blenders from his backpack, and positioned Frank sitting up straight, his hands twined in his lap, his head forward slightly, the devil's lock hanging in his face.

Gerard sat for an hour and a half, outlining and detailing every aspect of Frank's face. When he told Frank to smile, he didn't so much smile as he did smirk, half his mouth pulled up tauntingly. Gerard couldn't keep heterosexual thoughts in his head as he focused on the curl of Frank's hair, the dip of his lips. Frank was too gorgeous for anyone to stay straight around. He scooted closer at one point to closer examine Frank, and he never moved back.

Frank was, as Gerard assumed, an amazing model. For someone with limitless stamina and energy, he sat uncharacteristically still and let Gerard scope out his face.

After about two hours, Gerard signed the bottom of the paper, and flipped the book, showing Frank his new portrait.

Frank's jaw dropped, and a soundless laugh escaped the lips Gerard had just spent half an hour staring at.

"Gerard, that's amazing! It's like a photograph! Can I keep it?" He asked.

"Sure. I think I like the other one better, anyway," Gerard said, carefully ripping the page at its perforated edge.

Frank tucked it into the pages of his own sketchbook. "It's perfect. It's gorgeous," He said, smiling at Gerard.

"It's only as perfect as it's model," Gerard retorted.

Frank met Gerard's gaze. Gerard didn't realize that they were leaning in toward each other until he smelled Frank's fruity breath. Frank set a gentle hand on Gerard's neck, and brought him even closer.

Gerard's stomach was doing back flips. He was so nervous, he could hear his heart beating, and he was sure Frank could feel the thrum of blood through the vein under his wrist.

They both let their eyes slip closed. They were so close. Gerard just barely felt Frank's lips touch his. He wasn't even sure they had yet, when the door on the floor was thrown open, and Linda popped her head up. Frank ripped his hand from Gerard's neck so quickly, it almost hurt. They both sat up straight in an instant, like they'd been shocked.

"Frank, I'm home," Linda said. She walked into the attic, darting her eyes back and forth between the boys. "Gerard, staying the night again?" She asked, trying to play wingman.

Gerard chuckled nervously. "No. I actually should be heading home." He grabbed his bag from the floor and walked toward the trapdoor. He waved at Frank, noticing how red his face was. Gerard was sure his face matched. "I'll see you in the morning. I'll let myself out. Bye, Linda," He said as he climbed down the ladder. He snuck one last look at Frank, who had his head in his hands.

Frank sighed. "Great timing, Mom," He said, almost angrily.

"I'm sorry," Linda replied, remorse thick in her voice.

Gerard couldn't hear anything over the sound of his own heartbeat.


	11. Chapter 11

Gerard was woken up a few nights later when his phone chimed. He pulled it out from where he kept it stashed under his pillow, and slid it open. He was blinded by the brightness, but after he let his eyes adjust, he saw that there was a new text message. He didn't recognize the number.

**hey, what are you doing on Halloween?**

Gerard cocked an eyebrow in confusion. He yawned as he typed out his reply.

_that depends. whos texting me?_

**you're favoritest person in the world =D**

Gerard assumed it was Frank.

 _how did you get my number?_ He typed back with a smile.

**i may or may not have stolen it from your phone the night my dad stopped by. my bad**

He chuckled when he remembered how Frank had snatched his phone from his hand that night, and did god knows what to it. Sneaky bastard.

_its ok. i just dont randomly get strange texts asking for my holiday plans in the middle of the night. are you aware that its 3 in the morning?_

**YEP!**

Before Gerard could start a new message, another came in.

**and get used to it. now that youre friends with me, you better get used to strange things like early morning texts, paint fights and sneaking in/out**

Gerard smiled wistfully..

_duly noted. and to answer your question, ill probably lay in bed all night with a giant bowl of popcorn and a bigger bowl of candy watching cheesy b-horror movies like i do every year. why?_

**cuz moms got an overnight at the sick bay, and i got put on candy duty. itll be a lot less boring if i have someone there with me to, you know, keep me from eating all the candy before trick-or-treating even starts**

_i have that problem, too. i dont know how much help id be. last year, me and mikey ate a three pound bag in an hour, and spent the rest of the night hugging respective porcelain thrones =(_

**HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**

Gerard could almost hear the way Frank was no doubt cackling when he typed that.

_fuck you._

**later. plus, i kinda dont wanna spend my birthday alone**

_whens your birthday?_

**October 31st**

_youre shitting me_

**not at all**

_you were born on Halloween? o_O_

**yep =)**

_SO MUCH stuff just started making sense..._

**oh, bite me. so you wanna hand out candy with me? and also possibly stay the night, cuz you KNOW the freaks come out on Halloween and frankly, i dont think im very intimidating**

_sinatra is. but sure, ill come share candy duty with you_

**please. as much as i love sinatra, hes as big a pussy as i am**

_you may be small, but youre not a pussy._

**depends on the circumstances**

Gerard yawned again reading the message.

_as much as i enjoy talking to you, can i go back to sleep now?_

**SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK!**

Gerard rolled his eyes, because he was almost certain Frank was yawning right about now, too.

_good night, Frank._

**good night gerard**

The second Gerard rolled over, he was back asleep.

~~~~

Frank had to go visit with family the next day. As much as Gerard hated that they couldn't hang out, he needed a day away from Frank.

He knocked on Mikey's door early in the morning.

"Mikes?"

There was the clatter of a soda can falling on other soda cans, a loud thump and a 'Son of a bitch!', and then the door was thrown open. The smell of day old (or possibly longer, knowing Mikey) pizza hit him like a brick.

"What's up, Gee?" Mikey asked, leaning against the door and rubbing his eyes.

"Do you have plans for today?"

"No, not really," He yawned. He scratched the side of his head, making his already unruly hair stick up even more. "Why?"

Gerard smiled. "I need your help."

"Are you aware that the sun is barely up?"

"Are you aware that it's almost 9? The sun's been up for two and a half hours."

Mikey rolled his eyes. "What do you need?"

"A second opinion."

~~~~

Mikey and Gerard ended up scoping the mall for three hours looking for the perfect gift for Frank, and coming up (to Gerard's extreme annoyance) short.

"He's turning 18. Why don't you get him a carton of cigarettes and a skin mag?" Mikey asked sarcastically.

"His mom buys him cigarettes and he-" Gerard snapped his mouth shut before he said _and he's gay, so a Playboy won't interest him_. "I wanna get him something special, something that'll mean something."

"Gee, you've known this kid barely a month."

"I feel like I've known him forever. Do you remember how you felt when you first met Aly?"

Gerard took his eyes off the road for a moment to look at Mikey. He was smiling, with a glazed look in his eyes. He almost always looked like that when he thought of Alicia. Gerard knew that he was gonna end up marrying that girl.

"Yeah. We had known each other for like, two weeks and we were finishing each others' sentences. So?"

"So that's exactly how it feels with Frank."

"Gerard, Aly and I are _in love_. Frank's just your friend."

 _He's more than that, Mikey. You'll never understand_ , Gerard thought with a shake of his head and an eye roll.

Instead of saying anything, Gerard just focused on the yellow lines of the road.

It was by pure happenstance that he saw the sign. He'd looked up for three seconds, and the huge black Flying V caught his eye. He had to cut two people off to get to the exit in time, and made Mikey spill his soda.

"What are you doing, you idiot?" He yelled, wiping the root beer from his shirt.

"I'm on a mission, Mikey. Don't question me," He demanded as he pulled the car into a parking space right in front of the store's main entrance. He all but flew from the car and through the doors, his eyes scanning the room at a quickness he didn't know he possessed. The store was so awesome, he almost couldn't process it all. Guitars, basses, keyboards, drum kits, DJ equipment, microphones, smoke machines, strobe lights, strings, picks, pedals, straps and so much more. Gerard's head spun a bit.

"Why are we here?" Mikey asked when he walked up to Gerard. "Does Frank play an instrument?"

Gerard nodded excitedly. "Guitar."

A younger man with a long ponytail and stretched ears walked up to Gerard. "Welcome to Guitar Center. Anything specific you're looking for?"

"I've got a friend that plays guitar and his 18th birthday is in two days," Gerard said, hopeful that this was where he'd find the perfect gift. Mikey had wandered off to play with the tambourines.

"Halloween?" The man (whose nametag said Wil) asked, raising one eyebrow.

Gerard nodded. "I thought the same thing when I found out."

"Well," The kid said, walking toward a wall that was covered in guitars, "This is our guitar corner. Do you know what kind he has?"

Gerard scanned the wall, his eyes finding the same guitar he'd seen in Frank's room. He pointed to it. "That one, except it's white."

"An Epiphone Gibson Les Paul. Great choice. He must be a talented guitarist."

"I don't know," Gerard admitted sheepishly, "I've never heard him play. But I know he's got a nice amp and a stand and everything."

The kid sucked his teeth as he thought. "How about accessories?" He asked, motioning to a wall that was crowded with bags of tie-dye and metallic and neon picks and differently designed guitar straps and brightly colored pedals and cords of all different lengths, and packages of strings and these weird elongated ovals with silver dots on them that Gerard had never seen before.

"Excuse me?" A man called from the keyboards.

"One moment!" Wil called back. "Excuse me one second," He said to Gerard, walking over to the other customer.

Gerard was a little overwhelmed with everything. He started looking through the bags of picks absentmindedly, thinking things over. Picks came in different widths and all different designs. He didn't even know Frank's favorite color. He didn't wanna buy a cord or a pedal that Frank didn't need or wouldn't use. He was about to give up and go find Mikey when his eye was drawn to a tin of KISS picks. Frank had never said anything about liking KISS, but Gerard saw the design on the guitar strap next to them. His jaw dropped, and to this day, he'd swear he heard 'Hallelujah' playing in the background. The guitar strap was almost glowing, it was so perfect. Gerard had brought $150 of saved-up birthday money with him, but the strap was only $20. He thought momentarily about getting something additional, but the guitar strap was flawless in and of itself.

Mikey had found his way back to Gerard. He pointed to the strap Gerard was staring at. "That what you're gonna get him?"

Gerard smiled widely. "Yep."


	12. Chapter 12

Gerard stepped out into the afternoon air and took a deep breath, filling his lungs with the scent of Halloween. Don't ask him how Halloween had a smell; it just did.

He walked across the street quickly, his backpack bouncing lightly on his back. He approached the tree that served as a makeshift ladder to Frank's window, and looked up in anxiety. If he fell, he'd more than likely break something. But he'd seen Frank do it on several occasions since the first night, and he'd never fallen. Gerard thought. _What the hell_ , and grasped the first board firmly.

The climb was a lot easier than he thought it would be, the boards proving to be strangely stable even after the years of wind, rain, and rot.

Frank's window was open, his black curtains fluttering in the last of the October wind. Gerard tried to climb through as stealthily as possible, though he had about as much grace as a bull in a china shop. So instead of sneaking through Frank's window, he more kinda fell through it.

His head snapped in Frank's direction, but the kid hadn't moved; he was buried under two fluffy comforters. Gerard smirked as he got his opportunity for revenge.

Sinatra lifted his head from his bed, and Gerard was worried for a second that he was gonna start barking, but he just scratched the dog's ears as he walked past, and he laid his head back down.

He slipped his backpack to the floor and prepared himself to launch into Frank's bed, but before he could move, he was attacked by a mass of red and black comforters. He groaned as he hit the floor, his head and elbow ricocheting off the hardwood with incredible force. _What the hell just happened?_

Frank had Gerard pinned, straddling him and holding his wrists against the floor.

"Morning, sunshine!"

"Jesus, Frank!"

Frank just cackled.

"No fair, you were sleeping!"

"That doesn't matter. You tried to sneak up on me on my birthday, and you have to be punished."

Gerard's eyes widened. "Punished? How, exactly?"

Frank smirked his evil little smirk and leaned down, so close that his hair fell over Gerard's face, tickling his cheek.

"Frank?" Gerard asked cautiously, his heart racing. He could almost touch Frank's lips. It wouldn't take any effort...

Frank moved to the side, stuck his tongue out and licked Gerard's face all the way from his chin to his hairline.

" _EW_!" Gerard screamed, tossing Frank off his lap like he was a rag doll instead of an actual human. Frank sat rolled up in his blankets like a Frank burrito, laughing at Gerard, who'd ran over to Frank's bed and was wiping his face off onto Frank's pillow.

"That is _so_ not cool, Frank!"

"That's what you get for trying to sneak up on me on my birthday," Frank said smugly, standing and gathering his massive blankets.

"Well, fine, then. Maybe I just won't give you your present," Gerard threatened, sticking his nose in the air and crossing his arms.

Frank's face softened. "You didn't have to get me anything."

"I know, but I did, and it's non-refundable. But I might just keep it for myself, now."

"What'd you get me?" Frank asked giddily, hopping onto the bed next to Gerard. Gerard did his best to keep his eyes on Frank's, rather than on the expanse of chest and stomach that was revealed when Frank's blankets dropped around his waist. Gerard had no idea that Frank slept shirtless, but now that he knew, he had a feeling it'd be hard to forget.

"I don't know," He said, teasingly.

Frank sighed. "I'm sorry for attacking you."

"That's good, but not quite enough."

"I'm sorry for licking your face."

"Still seems a little light," Gerard fished.

Frank leaned over and set his lips against Gerard's cheek, kissing him softly.

Gerard blushed hotly, worried that Frank could feel the temperature flare.

"Am I forgiven now?" Frank asked sweetly.

"Hmm.... You're getting there."

"You little-" Frank sprang at Gerard again, but Gerard was a step ahead of him, hopping off the bed just a fraction of a second before Frank landed in the spot he'd just been occupying.

"Patience is a virtue. Now, get dressed. I wanna see Linda before she leaves."

Frank grumbled, but stood and walked over to his dresser to rummage through the drawers. Gerard got an even better surprise now that Frank was devoid of any blankets at all. Apparently, he didn't just sleep shirtless; he slept in nothing but his boxers. Though it took all his willpower, Gerard very conspicuously did not stare at Frank as he slid on a tattered Black Flag shirt and a pair of jeans with both knees ripped out. Gerard realized that he'd never actually seen Frank in a pair of jeans that were intact.

"How do I look?" Frank turned and asked Gerard.

"Like an asshole," Gerard said with a smile.

Frank nodded. "Good. That's what I was going for. Let's go," He said, grabbing Gerard's hand and leading him down the ladder to the second floor.

The two followed the sound of the hair dryer to find Linda.

"Morning, Mom."

"It's two in the afternoon, Frankie," Linda scolded the boy, not taking her eyes off the mirror, "Don't tell me you _just_ woke up."

"Actually, I was _woken_ up."

"By?"

"I tried to sneak up on him," Gerard confessed, and Linda jumped.

"Oh, Gerard, sweetheart. I didn't know you were here." She looked at the boy. "How did you get in?"

"He climbed through my window."

"Oh, okay. Be careful leaving that window open, Frankie. Anyone can get in; not just Gerard."

"Ha ha! My mom doesn't think you're a threat!" Frank teased as he and Gerard made their way down the stairs to the kitchen.

"I consider that to be a good thing. Unlike _some_ people, I don't think being a danger to the people around me is something to be proud of." 

"Whatever," Frank mumbled into his Lucky Charms. 

"Alright, Frank," Linda said as she came sweeping into the room, still-damp hair in a bun on top of her head, clad in a pair of pastel pink scrubs. She was searching through drawers and cabinets like a madman, on the hunt for something. "Trick-or-treating starts at 5 and ends at 10. At quarter after, I want you inside with the doors locked. After ten, the door _does not_ open for anyone. The candy is in here," She said, slapping a cabinet. 

Frank smiled evilly. 

" _Do not_ eat it all before trick-or-treating starts." 

Frank's smile fell. 

"Gerard, are you staying the night?" 

Gerard nodded. "Yeah, I think so." 

"Please moniter Frank's candy intake. If he eats too much sugar, you'll never get to sleep. There's $40 on the table for food. Please remember to tip the driver this time," She said sternly, and Frank smirked into his cereal bowl. "Also, remember to let Sinatra out. If there are any puddles on my floor when I get home, I'm wiping them up with your laundry. No leaving the bowl of candy on the porch and wandering the neighborhood, no TP-ing, no egging, no smashing jack-o-lanterns, no stealing candy from children." 

"Who are you talking to?" Frank asked, throwing his hands up, "When have I ever done any of that stuff? 

Gerard giggled. 

"Better safe than sorry," Linda shrugged. "You boys better be asleep by the time I get home. Where the hell are my keys?" 

Frank picked Linda's keys up from the counter right in front of her and held them out in front of her face. 

"You're my savior," She sighed.

"When exactly will you be home?" 

Linda smiled and kissed the top of Frank's head. "I'll see you in the morning." 

"Drat," Frank mumbled under his breath. He and Gerard followed Linda to the front door. 

"Happy birthday, babv. I'm sorry I can't be here," She apologized, kissing the top of Frank's head. 

"I understand. You'll just have to take me out to dinner to make up for it." 

Linda laughed, and gave Gerard a kiss on the head, too. "Bye, boys!" 

"Bye, Mom!" 

"Bye, Linda!" 

A second after the door closed, Linda popped her head back in. 

"By the way, there's a couple envelopes on the coffee table for you," She smirked before ducking back out the door.

Frank's eyes widened in joy. He dragged Gerard to the living room, hopping over the back of the couch to get to the four envelopes on the table. Gerard followed suit, bobbing on the cushion next to him. He looked on, slightly amused, yet slightly concerned at the way Frank was ripping through the envelopes. Money spilled from each one, which Frank scooped up and counted eagerly.

"$80 from Mom's mom, a hundred from Mom's Dad, and $150 from Aunt Karen and her four kids. I made bank this year!" He smiled.

"Anything from your dad?" Gerard asked softly.

Frank rolled his eyes. "Dad sends fifty bucks every year, and every year I donate it to a no-kill animal shelter. I don't want his money."

Gerard let out a silent chuckle.

"Come on," Frank said, grabbing Gerard once again, only this time, leading him upstairs to his bedroom.

The two sat on his bed, Gerard watching as Frank filed his money away in an inconspicuous Misfits album sleeve, and then pulled a large costume make-up kit from underneath his bed.

"What do you wanna be?" He asked, pulling out the paint crayons and fake blood capsules.

"Aren't we a little old for this?"

Frank gave Gerard a disbelieving look, then smiled his taunting, sadistic smile. "You're never too old to dress up for Halloween."

~~~~

"So you know that whole 'Freaks come out at night' thing? I think we're definitely freaks right now."

"Oh, don't be such a puss," Frank said with a roll of his eyes as he kicked his feet up on the banister to the front porch. "If you hate it that much, go wash it off, ya big baby."

"It's not that I don't like it," Gerard said, though it was only half true. Frank did an amazing job at turning Gerard into a skeleton and himself in a twisted clown. Gerard was astonished and a little annoyed that the kid excelled at everything he did (a little too well; Gerard had an acute fear of clowns). "I just think we might be scaring away the kids. We’ve had a dozen trick-or-treaters in three hours."

Frank shrugged and picked a Blow Pop out of the giant bowl of candy sitting on the railing. He shucked off the wrapper and tossed it on the already sizeable pile of wrappers underneath his chair. "Oh, well. More for us."

Gerard chuckled and fished out a Starburst.

"Oh, I almost forgot," He said, hauling his backpack into his lap, "I never gave you your present."

Frank’s eyes lit up, and they were momentarily mesmerizing. "You really got me something?"

"Of course I did. It’s your birthday."

"Yeah, but..." Frank grimaced. "I feel weird when people give me things."

"Too bad," Gerard smirked, thrusting the skull paper-wrapped box toward Frank.

When Frank saw the wrapping paper, a grin threatened to break his face in two. "This is awesome!"

Gerard smiled at Frank’s astonishment. Wrapping paper with skulls on it was surprisingly hard to find, given the time of year. He dragged Mikey through three Hobby Lobby's before he found it.

"Wow, I hope you get this excited about what’s _inside_ ," Gerard worried aloud.

Frank wasted no time, tearing into the paper and knocking the lid off the box. When he saw what was inside, his jaw dropped and the sucker fell out of his mouth.

"Oh, my God, Gerard, this is amazing!" He gushed, taking the guitar strap from the box and running his fingers over the embroidery.

"You like it?" Gerard asked, uncertain.

"Yes!" Frank laughed. "I’ve spent ages trying to find Frankenstein decals to slap on my guitar. But now that I've got him on my strap, I’m set!"

Gerard smiled. "Really?"

Frank set it back in the box gingerly and leaned over to hug Gerard. "It’s perfect, Gerard. Thank you."

~~~~

The sun was starting to creep up over the horizon when the boys finally decided it was bedtime. Like last time, Frank traded his bed for a nest of blankets on the floor with Gerard. The two boys wrapped themselves in warm down comforters to offset the chill of the drafty attic and settled in for bed.

"It sucks," Frank whispered as Gerard was just starting to doze.

"What does?"

"The fact that Halloween only lasts one day. It should be a week-long thing."

"You’re just saying that so you can to the whole ‘eight days of presents’ thing," Gerard accused lightly.

"Am not!" Frank chuckled. "It’s like... On Halloween, I’m finally normal, you know? I finally belong," He whispered.

Hearing Frank speak like that nearly broke Gerard’s heart. A boy this special shouldn’t ever feel alone. Frank was too amazing to feel so overlooked.

"I get it," Gerard said softly. "On Halloween, everyone wears make-up, everyone dresses like a freak," He chuckled, "Everyone loves witches and ghosts and vampires. And you finally feel like everyone else, if only for one day."

"Exactly," Frank whispered, and Gerard detected a hint of admiration in his voice.

"If it makes you feel any better, you’re not alone. You’ve got me," Gerard offered, his voice weak and vulnerable.

Frank breathed a chuckle. "It does."

Gerard felt his heart jump up into his throat. Hearing Frank say that made his pulse quicken, and he could feel it.

"Hey, Gerard? If I ask you a personal question, do you promise to not get offended?"

"Depends on the personal question, I guess," Gerard answered warily.

"Are you a virgin?"

Gerard couldn’t help that laugh that bubbled from his throat.

Frank blushed fiercely. "Okay, stupid question," He admitted.

"I’ve never been in a relationship, Frank."

"So? You don’t have to be in a relationship to have sex."

"Do I seem like the kind of guy that has one night stands?"

Frank paused for a moment. "No. No, you seem like the kind of person that would be caring and cautious. You’d never sleep with someone you didn’t love. You wouldn’t want to hurt them or break their heart. You seem like the kind of guy that would be careful and make sure she was comfortable the whole time. You’d make it all about her, to give her the best experience possible."

Gerard should’ve felt unconfortable with the knowledge that Frank had obviously thought a fair amount about what kind of lover he’d be, but he was actually just really flattered. Though the ‘she’s that Frank kept throwing in did make him feel a little guilty. With everything that Frank had told him, the least Gerard could do was come out to him. After all, he was his best friend. But he couldn’t form the words. Try as he might, he wasn’t ready. But despite everything Frank had revealed about himself, there was one thing Gerard was dying to know.

"Are _you_ a virgin?"

"Yeah," Frank answered softly, and Gerard could hear the rustling of his pillow as he nodded. "I came close twice, but never went through. The first time was with a girl named Tracy in ninth grade. She was beautiful, Gerard. Gorgeous blonde hair, shining blue eyes. She looked like a real life Barbie doll. We had been dating for two years and just as we were about to, I pushed her away. I came out to her, told her I was gay. She was really upset for a while, because she really loved me. But she realized in time that it was better that way. Better to suffer a little embarrassment now than regret it later. We’re still friends."

Gerard smiled. "And the second time?"

Frank sighed. "You know my friend James I told you about?"

"The one with the really good pot hookup?"

"Yeah, that's the one," Frank giggled. "Well, we were more than friends. Kinda... friends with benefits."

"Oh," Gerard whispered.

"He wanted to have sex. Said it would be better to do it with a friend first. Get the mechanics down, you know? But I told him I wanted to wait. I know it's old fashioned, but you're only a virgin once. I didn't wanna waste something so special on a fuck buddy. And no matter how much I love James, that's all he'll ever be to me. I want my first time to be with someone who cares about me."

 _I care about you_.

"I want it to be with someone I make laugh. Someone who makes me laugh."

 _You make me laugh. I make you laugh_.

"Someone that couldn't bear to go a day without me.

 _I couldn't go a day without you_.

"I want my first time to be with someone who loves me."

 _I love you_.

Gerard inhaled a sharp breath as that thought flitted through his mind. No. No, it couldn't be. Gerard didn't know how love felt. He couldn't be in love, let alone in love with his best friend.

But as he looked at the two glowing handprints on the wall, a calm washed over him. He was in love with Frank. And that thought scared him as much as it exhilirated him.

Frank yawned loudly. "I'm sugar crashing," He chuckled, his voice laced with sleep. "I'll see you in the morning, Gerard."

"Night, Frank."


	13. Chapter 13

Gerard was woken up in the morning by a large, wet tongue lapping at his face.

"Please, _please_ be Sinatra," He begged, not opening his eyes. When he finally did, he was relieved to see the huge black dog staring him down. He sat up and Sinatra laid down next to him. He scratched the dog's ears.

"Hi, boy."

He went to glance at the clock Frank had on his nightstand, but before he could, he saw that the pile of blankets next to him were flat; Frank wasn't under them.

He got out of bed, got dressed and walked downstairs, his nose following the scent of maple syrup and bacon. Sinatra was hot on his heels.

"Can I get a car?"

"No."

"Can I get a car?"

"No."

"Can I get a car?"

"No."

"Can I get a car?"

"No."

Gerard laughed as he entered the kitchen. Frank was kneeling on a stool at the kitchen counter, and he himself was stretched out across the counter on his stomach. Linda was at the stove frying up bacon and French toast. They were both smiling.

"Can I get a car?" Frank asked again, a huge grin on his face.

"No," Linda repeated, rolling her eyes. Gerard had a feeling they'd keep this up all day if he didn't intervene.

"Good morning," He said.

Frank quickly glanced at him, then back to his mother. "Morning. Can I get a car?"

"No."

"Can I get a car?"

"No."

"Can I get a car?"

"No."

"Can I get a car?"

"No."

"What, uh, what's going on?" Gerard asked, walking to the stove and helping Linda fry the bacon.

"Mom's been saying my whole life that when I turn 18, I can get a car. And I'm 18 now, so can I get a car?"

Linda giggled. "You haven't grasped the concept of 'Don't fuck with the people that handle your food', have you, Frankie?"

"That depends. Can I get a car?"

"Can you shut up for five seconds?"

"If I do, can I get a car?"

Gerard laughed, because the look on Frank's face was priceless.

Linda groaned. "I swear to god, Frankie, if you do not shut up..."

"I swear to god, mom, I will shut up if I can get a car."

Linda made three plates, sliding the one of just French toast in front of Frank, placing another in front of Gerard, who had taken a seat at the counter next to Frank. Linda stood in the middle of the kitchen and ate.

"How was work, Linda?" Gerard asked as Frank got up to pour three glasses of orange juice, setting two on the counter. He grabbed a rose from the vase on the kitchen table and stuck it in the last glass before he handed it to Linda.

"For you, my darling mother."

Linda raised an eyebrow, threw the rose in the sink and replaced it with a straw.

"Work was fine, Gerard. Thank you for asking. It's nice to have a polite kid in this house for once," She threw at Frank.

"Hey! I just gave you a be-rosed glass of juice! I'm trying, here!"

"The only thing you're trying to do is suck up. Anyway, it was pretty slow. No razor blades in any apples, so that was good. I helped with an appendectomy on a clown and a broken arm on a schoolgirl, and drew blood from a vampire, the irony of which is not lost on me."

Frank and Gerard giggled.

"Why did you boys sleep so late?" Linda asked. "Especially you, Gerard. It's normal for Frank to sleep past one, but you don't seem like the 'sleep in' kind of guy."

"I'm usually not."

"I kept him up kinda late last night," Frank said.

"Oh? Doing what?"

Gerard was about to answer with 'Horror movies', when Frank, being Frank, opened his big mouth.

"We had sex," He said, rather nonchalantly.

"What?" Gerard almost screamed, and Linda spit her orange juice out. Frank fell off his stool, and rolled around on the floor laughing.

"I'm sorry, you _what_?" Linda asked. Frank was still laughing, and Gerard was beet red.

Frank stood up, and wiped the tears from his eyes. "Oh, my god! You should've seen your faces! Gerard, you look-" He couldn't finish his sentence, because he was laughing again.

"You're hysterical, Frank," Gerard said through clenched teeth, "Now tell your mother the truth before she throws her glass at me!"

Frank leaned against the counter, still shaking with silent laughter. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry... It's just... You guys, your faces were... It was worth it. I don't need a car anymore. That was the best birthday present I could've ever asked for," He said walking out of the room, still chuckling.

Linda glared at Gerard, and he chuckled nervously.

"Heh. He's kidding. I would never... We didn't... We just watched scary movies. There was no sex. At least none while I was awake."

That made Linda laugh. She cleared the plates as she spoke. "You might wanna have a talk with him and make sure there was no sex while you were asleep."

Gerard widened his eyes. "Frank!" He yelled, running up the stairs after him. "Frank!"

He heard Linda laughing from the kitchen all the way in the attic. Frank was sitting on his bed behind a pretty sizeable pile of money.

"What the fuck, Frank?"

"I'm sorry. I just wanted to freak out Mom. She knows we didn't do anything. Mainly because if we had, I would've told her as soon as I woke up. I was just messing around. You're not upset, are you?" He asked, concern etched on his face.

Gerard shook his head. "No. But I do owe you one now. A huge one."

"That's what she said!" Frank yelled, and collapsed in a fit of giggles again.

Gerard rolled his eyes. When Frank recovered, he scooped up all the money, straightening it and tucking it in his pocket.

"Do you have plans today?" He asked.

"No. Why, where are you going?"

" _We_ are going to do something I've been wanting to do for years. Mom!" He yelled down the stairs. "Get dressed! We're still going, right?"

"Of course, Frankie!"

"And Gerard can come?"

"No. We're gonna leave him here tied to a stake in the backyard with Sinatra!" Linda yelled back.

"She's such a smartass," Frank said to Gerard.

" _She’s_ a smartass?" Gerard asked, and Frank stuck his tongue out at him.

They walked downstairs together and waited for Linda to get dressed.

The whole hour-long car ride, Gerard kept asking where they were going, and Frank kept shushing him. Gerard finally realized where they were when he saw the neon sign in the window.

"Tattoo parlor? You're getting a tattoo?" He asked nervously as they walked in. The place smelled like artifical clean, lemon and latex. Frank took a deep breath.

"I love the smell of latex. Reminds me of when I got pierced."

A large man with a shaved head, stretched ears and a tattooed sleeve of fire walked into the front studio.

"Hey, there. Who's getting inked today?"

Frank grabbed Gerard's hand and brought him to the counter with him while Linda looked through portfolios.

"Me. I just turned 18 yesterday."

"Ah, the day-after-18 tattoo. Almost everyone gets one. Do you know what you want? Cuz more often than not, they're ill-thought-out and end up as regrets. I got one and got it covered two years later."

"I know what I want, and I'm sure of it. Since my birthday is on Halloween, I want an evil-looking jack-o-lantern in the middle of my upper back."

Gerard stood dutifully next to Frank, silently squirming while he and the artist hammered out details. Frank wanted a gnarled stem, an twisted grin, and the whole thing to be in black and grey. The artist sketched it out, and Gerard was surprised to see that he drew it exactly as he would have with Frank's directions. He told Frank to have a seat while he made a stencil, and Frank sat down, pulling Gerard into the chair next to him, their hands still connected.

"Are you nervous?" Linda asked.

"Not really," Frank answered, and Gerard knew he was, but only a little. He, on the other hand, was sweating bullets.

"Gerard?"

Gerard swallowed the lump in his throat. "Yeah?"

"I know this is kinda... lame of me, but will you... hold my hand while he does the tattoo?" Frank asked, his voice a little embarrassed, and Gerard heard a small amount of fear and nervousness in it.

"Of course I will, Frank," Gerard assured him, his own voice significantly stronger than he felt. He was getting dizzy already with just the mental picture of the tattoo gun.

"Oh, my god! Thank you so much!" Frank almost yelled as he hugged Gerard. The smile on his face was beautiful, and Gerard was willing to undergo a tattoo himself to keep that smile in place. It was so worth it. He saw a little of Linda's smile from behind the magazine she wasn't reading.

Frank slipped his hand into Gerard's again, not waiting until the actual tattoo process started.

"Why is your hand so clammy?" Frank asked, finally taking notice of Gerard's face. It was sweaty and pale, and he was chewing mercilessly on his bottom lip. In one of the rooms in the back, a machine started buzzing, and Gerard jumped at the sound.

Frank's jaw dropped, his eyes widened and a soundless gasp escaped his lips. "Oh, my god. I am _so_ sorry!" He said, and Gerard knew from the look on his face the guilt he was feeling right about now.

"It's okay."

"No, it's not. I feel terrible."

"What's wrong?" Linda asked, tossing her magazine aside.

"Frank, don't worry. I'm fine."

"Oh," Frank whimpered. "I'm such an ass. We shouldn't have brought you. I didn't even think about it. I mean, I knew you were afraid of needles, but I didn't know you'd freak out like this."

"Frank, I'll be okay," Gerard said, and was really trying to be. He didn't wanna make Frank feel guilty or do anything but smile the way he was a moment ago.

"No," Frank said, shaking his head. "You can stay out here with Mom if you want."

"Frank, I'm not gonna let you sit there alone. As long as nothing sharp comes near me, I'll be okay." He actually didn't know that. Even the sight of needles in a sewing kit made him nervous. He had no idea how he was gonna sit there and watch dozens of them being pushed into Frank's skin over and over.

"Are you sure?"

Gerard smiled and nodded, and Frank hugged him again. "You are literally the most amazing friend anyone could ask for."

~~~~

Since the parlor had a policy of only one bystander in the room at a time, Linda left to go 'do some stuff' when the man was ready for Frank.

Frank followed him slowly to the studio, gripping Gerard's hand tightly. Although Gerard didn't know if it was for his own benefit or Frank's.

As the artist set up his station, Gerard tried his best to keep from looking at the gun, already fitted with one thin, sharp detailing needle.

Frank stripped off his shirt, and the man applied the stencil to his back. Gerard had to admit, it looked really awesome. If he wasn't so afraid of needles, he'd cover himself in tattoos of his own.

The tattooist sat Frank down backwards in a chair, and started in on outlining the pumpkin. Before the machine even touched his skin, both of Frank's hands were in Gerard's. Gerard was pale and dizzy, and the buzzing of the machine was giving him a headache, but he sat still, letting Frank squeeze his hand when the needle bit into him, and he didn't complain once.

However, that may have been because Frank was one hell of a distraction. He had his head down, looking at the floor, so Gerard was free to scope out every detail he'd missed about him thus far. As usual, his jeans had holes in the knees, his nail polish was chipped, and his hair was greasy. Gerard spent most of the time looking at Frank's bare skin. It was pale, but almost glowing. As small as Frank was, he wasn't toned, and though he was skinny, he was fleshy. He didn't have a hard, chiseled body like a jock, but he wasn't sickly skinny like Mikey. He was soft, which Gerard assumed, was the perfect kind of body to cuddle with.

Then Gerard started thinking about cuddling with Frank, which was another perfect distraction. He imagined how it would be, the two of them in Frank's huge bed, legs twined together, chest to chest, hands wrapped in hair and around waists.

After two and a half hours, the tattoo was finished, and Gerard was damn proud of himself for not passing out. For that matter, he was proud of Frank for not passing out, either.

Frank thanked the artist over and over, saying that it was perfect and even better than he imagined. Linda walked in just as Frank took the money from his pocket to pay for the three hundred dollar tattoo, tipping the artist $75 due to how amazing the end product was.

"Well, Gerard, you look like Hell. You okay, honey?" Linda asked, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. Gerard was grateful, because his knees were a little weak.

"I'm fine, thanks."

"Let's get you into the fresh air," Linda said, grabbing one of Frank's and one of Gerard's hands and leading them out the door.

Frank didn't even notice that there were two cars in the parking lot, though they were the only customers there, until he walked past the sleek, black Honda Civic. Gerard, on the other hand, noticed it immediately.

Frank did a double take when he finally saw the car next to the van. He looked at Linda with wide eyes. "Are you serious? Mom, are you serious?"

Linda just smiled and threw him the keys. Frank laughed and threw himself into her arms.

"Happy birthday, baby," She said, smiling widely.

"Oh, my god! Thank you!"

Linda slid into her van. "I'm going home. I'm assuming you wanna check out your new birthday present. Be home by 9."

As she went to pull out of the parking lot, she stopped. "And when you do get home, we will be having a very long and extensive talk about how much responsibility this is and how you will be paying for insurance and gas and how you will obey all posted speed signs and you will remember your Driver’s Ed, and I'm just letting you know now; the first ticket I hear about or scratch I see or decline in grades I notice and I will lock that thing in the garage."

"Understood. Thanks again, Mom!"

Linda left and Gerard and Frank got into the car. The first thing Frank did was plug his iPod into the stereo. He started the car and sat for a moment, listening to how amazing it sounded.

Gerard wondered how long Frank had had his license for and what kind of driver he was. He imagined Frank probably had a bit of a lead foot.

He was correct.

~~~~

Since Frank is, well, Frank, he wasn’t home until almost 11:30. Gerard wasn’t exactly happy about missing his curfew, but spending the day roaming the mall and hanging with Frank was well worth it.

By the time they’d gotten to Frank’s house and Gerard had gathered his things, it was 15 minutes to midnight. Of course, both his parents were waiting up.

"Gerard, where have you been?" Donald asked from his recliner in the living room.

Gerard shrugged. "Frank got a new car for his birthday. We were out celebrating."

"You should have called!"

"I did, Mom! Neither of you answered." Actually, he’d left his phone at Frank’s the entire day. The fact that Frank was rubbing off on him so much that he was now lying to his parents almost made him smile.

His parents shared a guilty look. Apparently the issue of Gerard being out past his curfew (he was livid about the fact that even at 18, he still had a curfew, but he’d never have the guts to stand up to his parents) was dropped.

"What did you do yesterday?" Donna asked.

"Handed out candy. Watched horror movies." _I recognized the fact that I’m in love, not only with my best and only friend, but a male._

"What’d you do today?"

"We went out for Frank’s birthday." _I held his hand for three hours while he got a tattoo, something you guys frown upon, then we drove around Jersey at ridiculously high speeds blaring socially unaccepted music with angsty lyrics and angry vocals._

"That’s nice. I want you straight home from school tomorrow. Elena’s coming over."

Gerard’s eyes were no doubt sparkling. "Really? Awesome! I guess I should get to bed. Good night, Mom," He said, kissing his mother’s cheek. "Good night, Dad!"

When he was in his room, he quickly slipped into his pajamas and into bed, letting his mind wander back to cuddling with Frank. He wrapped his arms around one of his pillows, wishing it was the short, pale, hyper body he’d become so accustomed to.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would just like to thank you for all the support and compliments on this! It's definitely one of my favorite stories I've ever written!
> 
> And I'd just like to have it noted that it's extremely difficult for me to write the little homophobic bits, which is why they're written really poorly. I just can't wrap my head around that kind of thinking, even hypothetically.

Gerard met Frank by the front doors after school, like he always did. But now, instead of walking past the football field, they walked to the student parking lot.

"Hey," Gerard asked nervously as Frank pulled the car into his garage.

"Hey, what?"

"Hey as in, ‘Hey, do you have plans tonight’?"

"Not that I know of. Why?"

"Because Elena’s coming over today. She’s probably already sitting at my kitchen table, actually. I want you to meet her."

"I’d love to," Frank said with a smile.

They walked across the street together, and as Gerard predicted, Elena was sitting at the kitchen table with Donna, drinking coffee and playing Rummy 500.

"There’s my favorite grandson!" She pretty much shrieked as Gerard walked through the door. She hopped up and gave him a huge hug and a kiss on his forehead. "Just don’t tell Mikey I said that."

When Gerard turned to introduce Frank, Frank laughed.

"Dude," He said, wiping Elena’s leftover lipstick from his skin. Gerard blushed.

"Elena, this is my best friend and neighbor, Frank. Frank, this is my grandmother, Elena."

"But there’s not a damn thing grandmotherly about me, and don’t you forget it, sweetheart."

Frank smiled a huge smile. "Hi. It’s great to finally meet you. Gerard’s told me so much about you."

"He’s a good boy," Elena said, giving Frank a rather large hug, also. "You have a great taste in friends. I like you already."

Gerard and Frank both giggled, and took seats at the table. They spent half an hour getting their asses kicked at cards before Mikey walked in. He headed straight for Elena.

"Elena!" He yelled, hugging her.

"There’s my favorite grandson!" She winked at Frank and Gerard, who barely managed to keep from smiling.

Mikey joined them for an hour of getting schooled at poker before Elena got up and started criticizing Donna’s spaghetti sauce.

"I can’t taste any garlic!"

"I didn’t put any garlic in it."

Elena gasped melodramatically. "And you call yourself Italian."

She hip-checked Donna out of the kitchen, and called Frank and Gerard to come chop garlic for her.

"Frank, honey, are you gonna stay for dinner?" She asked, not caring that she was offering up someone else’s home.

"I, uh, I can’t. I’m sorry."

"Why not?" Elena and Gerard asked at the same time. Frank looked at Mikey, who nodded.

"They do that all the time. You’ll get used to it."

"I’m a vegetarian," Frank said, and Gerard felt like an idiot. He hadn’t even thought of Frank when his mother started browning the ground beef to put in the sauce.

"Are you? That’s interesting. Gerard, find me paper!"

Gerard gave her a pen and paper, and she wrote out a list, and gave him her credit card. She waved her hand toward the door. "Go on. Hurry up!"

"Come on," Gerard said, pulling Frank toward the door.

"Oh, no! You don’t have to-"

"There’s no point in arguing. She’s as stubborn as a mule," Gerard whispered to Frank.

20 minutes later, Elena was popping her special-made eggplant parmesan in the oven. Frank said over and over that it wasn’t a big deal; arguing so much that Elena finally had to whack him in the back of the head with a wooden spoon.

The afternoon was spent laughing and reveling in the smell of garlic, telling stories and jokes and Elena making fun of everyone’s horrible poker skills. She made a crack about playing for the deed to Frank’s pretty new car, and Frank finally decided to stop holding back, beating her three hands in a row.

"How the hell…" She asked, scratching her head.

"Dad spent his entire educational career in military school. I’ve been playing poker since before I could walk."

Elena laughed, and Gerard smiled at Frank in admiration. The fact that he held back initially and let Elena win was incredibly cool.

Dinner would’ve been quiet, were it not for Frank’s near-constant thanks and exclamations of how amazing Elena’s eggplant parmesan was. Elena grudgingly agreed to write down the recipe, and Frank assured her that his mother probably couldn’t make it as well as she could.

"Of course not, honey!" Elena replied modestly.

Around 9, Frank finally decided he had to go home. Elena being Elena, made him take the rest of the eggplant parmesan with him, and gave him a kiss on the forehead before he left.

Afterwards, she decided to walk around the neighborhood, and demanded that Gerard escort her. He had planned on it, anyway.

When they got three houses away, Elena lit two cigarettes; one for her, and one for Gerard. She knew Gerard smoked, and allowed him, whereas his parents would’ve murdered him if they knew.

"So Frank… He’s nice. Tell me about him."

Gerard sighed, trying not to do it dreamily. "You have to promise me that whatever I tell you stays between us."

Elena shot him a look that said ‘look who you’re talking to. I don’t blab’, and Gerard knew it was true.

"He’s like, broken. I mean, he tries to be all tough and strong and act like nothing can touch him or bother him, but I can see so much fear in his eyes sometimes. His dad used to beat him and his mom."

Elena gasped.

"I know. His dad broke his arm a few years ago, so his mother finally divorced him. And since then, he’s been stalking them, and following them around the East Coast. I don’t even know how to explain it, Elena. He’s so amazing. He’s gone through all this shit in his past, and he’s still strong enough to smile. I could only imagine what he’s been through. And he’s just like me. He’s clingy and way too attached and we spend way too much time together, but neither of us mind at all. It’s like we’re totally content with having just each other. And his birthday was on Halloween, so yesterday I went with him to get tattooed. You know how I am about needles, but I was fine. He held my hand and we both made it through like, three hours. He’s the most amazing person I’ve ever met. I’m lucky to have him as a friend."

Elena nodded gently. "And when did your little crush start?"

Gerard’s eyes widened, and he shook his head vehemently. "No, no, no, no. I don’t- I’m not-"

"Honey. Yes, you do, and yes, you are. I can see it. The way you look at him, and the way you talk about him. It’s exactly the way Mikey acts around Alicia."

"Elena, I…"

She rolled her eyes. "Who knows you better than me?"

Gerard lowered his eyes to the ground. "Nobody," He whispered.

Elena smiled smugly. "Now do you want to keep lying to me? Or are you gonna tell me the truth?"

"Elena, I… I haven’t told anybody. Like, anyone. At all. Not even Mikey or Frank. You know what Mom and Dad would say if they knew I was… You know," He said, still reluctant to say it out loud.

But Elena wasn’t letting him off that easily. "Say it, Gerard. There’s nothing to be ashamed of, no matter what your parents tell you."

"I’m gay," Gerard muttered under his breath. He couldn’t even hear himself.

"I’m sorry? What was that?" Elena asked with a smile.

Gerard cracked a smile, also. "Elena," He said softly, "I’m gay."

"Gerard, that’s okay. I love your parents to death, but they’re idiots. They should love you no matter who you love, and I know they would."

"Elena, you don’t hear the things they say. I’m so afraid to tell them. They’d disown me."

"Honey, they wouldn’t."

"I honestly think they would. They’d rather me be a sadistic homicidal pedophile than a homosexual."

"Well, I repeat, they’re idiots. You know there’s nothing wrong with it, don’t you?"

"Of course."

"Good. Now then," She said, slinging her arm around Gerard’s shoulders, "Tell me what I really wanna know about Frank."

Gerard sighed with a smile.

"I’ve pretty much liked him since I first saw him moving in across the street in the beginning of September. I mean, he’s obviously gorgeous. And he’s smart and funny and he’s just like me. I... I'm in love with him, Elena."

"He’s such a sweet boy. He’s polite and smart and courteous. There’s nobody I’d rather you be with."

"Oh, no," Gerard said sadly, shaking his head, "Frank’s gay, too, but he doesn’t like me like that. We’re just really good friends."

"I don’t think he knows what he’s missing. Do Donna and your father know Frank’s gay?"

Gerard scoffed. "No. Do you think they’d let him through the door if they did?"

"So what? Are you just planning on hiding the real you until you move out? Never telling your parents who you really are?"

"Yeah. That’s pretty much the plan."

Elena tsk-ed. "Gerard, hiding yourself is no way to go through life. You’re 18 now; you should be able to be who you want."

Gerard shook his head. "Not in this family. You know that." He threw his cigarette on the ground and stepped on it. "We should be getting back."

Elena sighed, but followed him.

~~~~

Shortly after they got home, Elena left. The rest of the family sat back down at the table to finish dessert. Gerard couldn’t stop stewing about what Elena had said. She had believed in him and loved him enough to tell him to be who he really was. Elena’s words had given him a small spark of confidence.

"So how was school, boys?" Donald had asked.

Mikey just shrugged. "Same as every other day."

Gerard took a deep breath, mentally preparing himself. "Our Gay-Straight Alliance club is doing a fund-raiser next weekend. It sounds pretty cool. I think I might go."

He looked up from his plate, and both his parents were staring at him with wide eyes. That was expected. What twisted Gerard’s stomach was that Mikey was staring at him, too. The confidence was gone.

"What?" He squeaked out.

"Gerard, you can’t be serious. A gay fundraiser? That’s disgusting!" Donna exclaimed.

"Horrific. I’m upset that there’s even a gay support group at your school. I’ll be calling your principal about this."

"Dad, don’t! Why? Just because they’re not heterosexual doesn’t mean that they don’t have rights, too."

"It sure as hell should!"

"What’s so wrong with being gay? I don’t see anything bad about it."

"Gerard Arthur Way!" Donna scolded, "How dare you! What _isn’t_ wrong with being gay? It’s disgusting and immoral! Humans were made to mate a man with a woman. That’s the way more humans are made, therefore, it’s the way all humans should be."

"That’s an ignorant thought, Mom! Don’t you believe that other races should have the same basic human rights as us? Don’t you believe that woman and men are equal? Then why are gays different?"

"It’s a choice, Gerard, and it’s unnatural."

"It’s not a choice! You don’t choose who you’re attracted to!"

"No, but you choose what you act on."

"Well, let’s say Toro, one of Mikey and my best friends, told you he was gay?"

"Then you two would stop seeing Ray. I don’t want either of you interacting with someone so sickening and disgusting."

"Dad, how could you say that?"

Donald crossed his arms. "Homosexuals are disgusting and dirty and they deserve to be ostracized and ridiculed by the straight community."

Gerard huffed and retreated to his room, where he threw himself face down on his bed and screamed into his pillow.

~~~~

"Gerard?"

Something poked him in the side.

"Gerard?"

Gerard rolled over and blinked his sleep away.

"Mikes?"

Mikey smiled sheepishly. "Are you awake?"

He sat up. "Yeah. What’s up?"

"I need to talk to you."

Gerard slid over, and Mikey sat down next to him.

"What’s wrong?"

Mikey shrugged. "We never talk anymore. You’re always with Frank, and I’m always with Aly. I just wanted to talk."

"So talk."

"What, uh… What was that whole thing at dessert about?"

"It was just a comment, and Mom and Dad blew it up."

"It wasn’t just a comment," Mikey said, shaking his head. "What’s up with you?"

 _This is it,_ Gerard thought. _This is your chance to tell him. Don’t be a pussy. Tell him!_

He sighed. "Mikes, if I tell you a secret, can you keep it a secret?"

Mikey nodded vehemently.

"I… I think… I mean, I’m _positive_ that…" He squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath, "Mikey, I’m gay."

He felt Mikey freeze next to him. His entire body went rigid. Gerard felt it best that he kept his eyes closed.

"How long?" Mikey whispered, "How long have you known?"

"A while. Years."

"Why do you still have your eyes closed?"

Gerard inhaled a shuddering breath. "Because I’m scared," He breathed.

"Of what?"

"I’m just… scared," He said, opening his eyes slowly. Mikey was right there in his face.

"Don’t be scared, Gee. There’s no reason to be scared."

Gerard smiled shakily. "You mean, you don’t care?"

Mikey scoffed and shook his head. "Of course not. We don’t think the same way Mom and Dad do. I have no problem with gays, though I’d never announce that to them willingly. You know how hard-headed they are."

Gerard grabbed Mikey’s arms. "Are you saying that even though you know I’m gay, you still love me?"

"Gerard, I don’t care if you’re into beastiality. You’re my brother, and I love you. Nothing will ever change that."

Gerard flung his arms around Mikey’s neck, gripping him tightly. "Thank you, thank you, thank you! Oh, Mikey, you have no idea how happy that makes me!"

Mikey squeezed Gerard back. "We’re brothers for life. No matter what."


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's kinda short, because it was originally two chapters. But I split it up because suspense.

For a few days afterward, Gerard smiled a little wider. He walked a little taller, and breathed a little easier. He got a huge boost of confidence knowing that Mikey was accepting him for who he was.

If Mikey did, maybe his parents could, too.

 

~~~~

He was woken up earlier than usual that Saturday morning by Donald. He’d come down to the basement to shake Gerard awake, and that fact alone made Gerard break out in a nervous sweat. Why wasn't he at work? Donald just shook him, said ‘Wake up’, and left.

He dressed quickly, and just as he was walking up the stairs, his phone rang out with Henry Rollins' voice; Frank’s ringtone.

"Yello?" He said into the receiver.

"Hey, Gerard. Why are you up so early?"

"I think the question here is why are you?"

"Sinatra was barking his dick off at my window. There was a plastic bag stuck in the tree, and evidently it was a threat to the family."

"Good ol' Sinatra. Anyway, Dad woke me up. So, wait, you called even though you thought I’d be sleeping? You asshole."

"You love me. What are your plans today?"

Gerard opened the door and stepped into the living room. "Nothing. Why?"

"Come over."

"Okay," He said, turning to walk out the door.

"Gerard?" Donald called. "We need to talk."

Gerard glanced at his father, and noticed that both he and Donna were seated very stiffly at the kitchen table. Something was wrong.

"Frank wants me to come over," He said. He was hoping they’d accept the excuse.

"You can see him tomorrow. This is important," Donna added.

Gerard lost his breath, and fought to repress the shudder that was threatening to shake his body. "Frank, I can’t come over."

Frank heard the terror in his voice. "What’s going on, Gerard?"

"I gotta go." He hung up the phone and stuck it back in his pocket.

Donna pulled out a chair and motioned for Gerard to sit down. He did, and as he looked around, he saw Mikey looming in the hallway. He was looking nervously at Gerard, and Gerard knew that that wasn’t a good sign.

"What’s up, Dad?"

"We heard some unsettling news."

Gerard’s mouth went dry. He stood up to pour himself a cup of coffee. "What news?" He asked, his back to his parents.

He closed his eyes, and waited for what he was almost sure was gonna come out of his father’s mouth next.

"Gerard, we love you. You know that, right?" Donna asked.

Gerard opened his eyes and started walking back to the table, gulping the coffee to hydrate his mouth, though it was burning his throat. "I know, Mom." He stood behind his chair.

Mikey had taken a step closer, and was now almost hiding in the shadows in the hall.

"Gerard, are you gay?"

Gerard hadn’t realized he’d loosened his grip on the coffee cup until it slid out of his hands and shattered against the tile. It made Donna jump.

He took a few deep breaths, trying to will himself to breathe again. He panicked and pointed a finger at Mikey, who had crept out of the shadows.

"You told them? How could you?" He shrieked.

"I’m sorry! I was scared!" Mikey yelled back, and tears dripped down his cheeks.

"So it’s true?" Donald asked angrily. He shook his head in disgust at Gerard. "My own son, a fucking homo."

"Dad! It’s not true."

"You told Mikey it was!" Donna yelled.

"It’s not!" He screamed. This was not happening. His head was spinning. "I was lying. I don’t know why. I’m not gay, Mom! Please believe me!"

"You’re a shit liar," Donna accused. "Gerard, please. If you love me, if you’ve ever loved me, you’ll answer this question. Have you ever been attracted to another man?"

Gerard exhaled forcefully, closing and opening his eyes slowly before he answered the question. "Yes."

Donna gasped and Donald almost growled.

"What have I done? Why are you trying to punish me?"

"I’m not, Mom. I’m not trying to hurt you. I’m sorry."

"No," Donald said. "You’re not sorry. If you love this family, you will _never_ touch another man."

"Don’t say that, Dad. I can’t help it. It’s who I am. I’m sorry that I’m attracted to guys. If I could change it, I would, but I can’t."

"Yes, you can, Gerard. If you never have sexual contact with another man, than you’re not gay."

"Mom, it doesn’t work like that."

"You have a choice to make, Gerard," Donald said.

"What choice?" Gerard asked, and he was surprised that he’d lasted this long without crying, though he was starting to feel the wetness on his cheeks.

"Whether or not you still wanna be a part of this family."

Gerard gasped. "What does that mean?"

"You can keep being gay. You can be attracted to men. Or you can be a part of this family."

"Dad, please, don’t," Gerard sobbed.

"I will not stand by and share a house with a homosexual. If you wanna be gay, be gay somewhere else."

"How could you do that, Dad?"

"I’m sorry, Gerard. But that’s how it is. Mikey, your mother and I are leaving now. We’re gonna spend the day out. You have a lot to think about."

Without another word, Donald grabbed Donna’s hand and led her out the door. Mikey walked over to Gerard, who had fallen into a chair.

"I’m sorry, Gerard. I was scared. I didn’t mean to."

He went to wrap his arms around Gerard, but Gerard pushed him away.

"Don’t touch me," He whispered, not looking at Mikey.

"I love you, Gerard."

With that, he walked out the door, closing it after him.

~~~~

Gerard sat in an almost catatonic state for at least an hour. He was vaguely aware that his phone kept ringing over and over again. Eventually, he took it out of his pocket and whipped it against the wall, which thankfully shut it up.

His father had given him an ultimatum; either choose to be straight, or leave.

_I can’t. I can’t be straight. It’s not who I am. They won’t love me, anyway. If they loved me, they wouldn’t make me change._

He stood on shaky legs, and wobbled his way to the bathroom.

He rummaged through the medicine cabinet. They were there, he knew they were. He sighed in relief when his hand closed around the small orange bottle. It rattled in his hand like a maraca.

Gerard struggled with the lid for a good two minutes before he managed to get it open. He spilled the contents of the bottle into his palm, staring at the brightly colored capsules. He was surprised more children didn’t get sick from pills. They looked like candy. At that moment, he thought they looked enticing.

"This is it," He whispered as he slowly brought the handful of painkillers to his mouth.


	16. Chapter 16

"Gerard!"

Gerard jumped and looked at the doorway to the bathroom, surprised to see Frank standing there, his eyes wide with shock and worry.

"Go away, Frank."

"No," Frank shook his head vehemently.

"You don’t need to see this," Gerard said, bringing the pills back to his mouth.

Frank ran to him and slapped the back of his hand, sending the pills flying all over the bathroom. He grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him close.

"What the fuck were you thinking?" He screamed in Gerard’s face.

Gerard pushed Frank away forcefully, in that moment not caring if he hurt him or not. Frank flew against the wall, and Gerard sank to the floor, hiding his head in his knees. Frank rubbed at the back of his head where it had collided with the wall.

"I can’t, Frank. I can’t live like this," He whimpered, grabbing handfuls of his hair. He didn't bother to look up.

"What happened? Tell me; we can work it out. This isn’t the answer," Frank pleaded.

"I can’t be straight, and they won’t love me if I’m gay. Mom and Dad _can’t_ love me if I’m gay," Gerard said, the tears starting again.

"So your parents are assholes. I get it. My dad pretty much wrote the book on how to be a shitty parent. That doesn’t mean you need to kill yourself."

"I don’t wanna live if my parents don’t love me."

"So then, what?" Frank screamed. "You’re just gonna hurt everyone else that loves you? What about Mikey?"

Gerard shook his head. "Mikey was the one that told them."

"That doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you! What about Elena, huh? What about my mom? _For fuck’s sake, what about me?_ "

Gerard broke his stare with the tile on the floor, finally looking up at Frank. "What _about_ you?"

"You can’t leave me," Frank whimpered, and now he was crying, too. "I don’t..." He struggled for words between his deep breaths, his lips quivering, "I love you too much."

Gerard gasped, then shook his head. "Frank, you…"

"I’m not saying that just to stop you, so don’t even fucking suggest it!"

He dropped to his knees, and crawled the short distance to Gerard. "Please don’t leave me, Gerard. You’re too important to me. Please, I know I’m not much, but tell me I’m enough. Just please... Tell me I'm enough," He shuddered.

Gerard looked deep into Frank’s wet eyes. There wasn’t an ounce of insincerity in them. Frank was telling the truth. Maybe his parents wouldn’t love him, but Frank would. And Frank’s love made life worth living. Gerard shook his head gently. "You're enough. I’m sorry, Frank."

Frank crawled even closer. He wrapped one hand in Gerard’s hair. With the other, he grabbed one of Gerard’s hands, and placed it over his heart.

"Don’t leave me," He whispered.

Gerard shook his head. "I’m not gonna."

Gerard leaned up and met Frank in a long, soft kiss.

Frank’s lips were cold and wet, as were Gerard’s own. When Gerard pulled away, he licked his lips gently, and he could taste the tears on them.

"I love you, Gerard," Frank whispered. He kept their faces close.

"I love you, Frank. You’re enough. You’re more than enough. I’m sorry I scared you. I’m never gonna try and hurt myself again."

"You better not. Mom would kill you."

Gerard kissed Frank again, and smiled at the fact that he could do this whenever he wanted now.

"Why didn’t you tell me you were gay?"

"I was scared. I’d never told anyone. Elena guessed it. She said she could tell by the way I acted around you."

"Wanna hear a secret?"

Gerard nodded.

"So could Mom. She’s been telling me for two weeks that you liked me. I didn’t believe her."

"Not just weeks. Since the very first day I met you."

"Jesus, Gerard," Frank said, sitting down next to him. He linked their fingers together and leaned his head on Gerard’s shoulder. "You should’ve said something. We could’ve been together this whole time."

Gerard smiled. "The _whole_ time?"

Frank chuckled. "Yeah, pretty much. I liked you from the second I first saw you. You were so gorgeous. I’d never seen anybody as beautiful as you."

Gerard blushed.

"But I think when you saved me and Mom from my dad, that was when I realized that I..." He sighed. "Have you ever been in love before?"

Gerard shook his head gently. "No. And I’m glad, because nobody could ever compare to you. I’m happy that I don’t have bittersweet memories of someone else. You’re the only person I’ve ever wanted this way."

"Well, don’t you know how to flatter a guy?"

They shared a laugh, and another soft kiss.

"So what now?" Frank whispered as they parted.

"I think we should probably clean up the pills."

Frank giggled again. "I meant us," He said, laughing.

"Oh," Gerard chuckled. "I guess we're like, together now."

"I guess," Frank nodded. "Are you okay with that?"

Gerard leaned in and kissed Frank once more. "I am ecstatic."

"You know, we probably _should_ clean up the pills."

Frank and Gerard both got on all fours, scouring the bathroom floor for the painkillers.

"So, if we’re like, boyfriends," Gerard said, blushing, "Can I call you ‘Frankie’?"

Frank rolled his eyes. "Do you have a fucking deathwish?"

Gerard giggled. "You wouldn’t hurt me. You love me."

"I do. God, it’s nice to actually say that."

"I know."

"Can I ask you something?" Frank asked as they walked back to the kitchen, and Gerard cleaned up the shattered mug off the floor.

"Sure," Gerard shrugged.

"What did your parents say to you?"

Gerard sighed. "Basically to either choose to be straight or to leave."

Frank hissed. "Ouch. What are you gonna do?"

Gerard sat back on his heels and thought for a moment while Frank got him a towel to wipe up the coffee. "I was planning on moving out after graduation, anyway. I guess I’ll just tell them what they want to hear for now. Just lie." Gerard saw the saddened look on Frank’s face. "I mean, we can still be together, if you want."

"Of course," Frank said, like it was so obvious.

"We’ll just have to do it in secret."

"Aw!" Frank said. "It’ll be like Romeo and Juliet!"

"Well, technically it’ll be like Romeo and Romeo."

Frank laughed so hard that he snorted, which made Gerard giggle.

"We gotta go tell Mom," Frank said as his laughter subsided.

"I should call my dad and tell him I’ve seen the light."

"Oh? Do you want me to leave while you do?"

Gerard shook his head. "No. I want you right here with me."

"Don’t get all gooey on me now," Frank teased. Gerard stuck his tongue out at him.

Gerard picked his phone up from where he’d thrown it against the wall, and put the battery back in, dialing his father’s cell phone number. It rang only once before it picked up.

"Hello?"

"Dad?"

Gerard heard his father clear his throat. "Gerard. How are you?"

Gerard rolled his eyes. ‘Watch this’, he mouthed to Frank. "A lot better now," He said, making his voice childlike and innocent. "I've done a lot of thinking, Dad, and I'm so sorry. I was so confused, but I understand now. I never wanted to hurt you or Mom. I love you guys more than anything. I was wrong, and I see that it was all a misunderstanding. Nothing is worth losing you guys. I'm so sorry. I know now that I was wrong. I promise you, Dad, that I will never look at another man in a lustful way again. It’s wrong, and not who I am. My family is the most important thing to me, and I’d never do anything to anger you. Please forgive me. I was confused, but you and Mom have set me straight, in every definition of the word."

Frank gave him an impressed look, and he smiled.

"Oh, thank god. Your mother and I love you, Gerard. We just want what’s best for you. Don’t you see? It’s better this way."

"It is. Thank you, Dad."

"Anytime, son. Here," He said.

"What?"

"Hey, Gee."

Gerard ground his teeth when he recognized Mikey’s voice.

"Mikey," He said tersely.

"I’m so sorry, Gerard. I didn’t mean to tell Dad. I wasn’t trying to get you in trouble. I fed him some bull story about a friend of mine, and when I was explaining, your name popped out. I’ve never felt so shitty before. Please forgive me."

Gerard softened. Mikey did sound remorseful. "I do, Mikes. I’m not mad at you."

"You promise?" Mikey asked, and he sounded genuinely upset.

"I promise, Mikes. I love you."

"I love you, too, Gerard. I gotta go."

"All right. Tell Dad I’m going over to Frank’s."

"Can do. Bye, Gee."

"Bye."

He hung up the phone, and Frank started clapping. Gerard took a very dramatic bow.

"Thank you, thank you!"

"How did you manage that?" Frank asked, almost in awe.

"I never told you. I’ve been acting since the third grade."

"I’ve never heard a lie that convincing before. For a second, I thought you were serious. But then I remembered the way you kissed me in the bathroom, and I knew you couldn’t be straight."

Gerard walked over to Frank, shaking his head. "Nope. I am gay, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it."

"Absolutely not," Frank said, pecking Gerard on the lips quickly. "Let’s go break the news to Mom. She’ll probably set a wedding date."


	17. Chapter 17

"Ma?" Frank called up the stairs.

"What’s up, honey?" Linda yelled back.

"Could you come down here? I need to talk to you."

"One minute!"

Frank led Gerard to the couch and they sat down next to each other, still holding hands.

"Are you nervous?" Frank asked with a squeeze.

Gerard shrugged. "A little."

"Why? You already know Mom loves you like another son."

"Yeah, but It’ll be weird having someone else know I’m gay."

"You think she’s gonna judge you or something?"

"No. It’s just..." He squirmed, "I’m new to the whole thing, okay? Cut me some slack."

"Aw. Newly outed gays are so cute."

"Oh, shut up," Gerard said, knocking Frank's shoulder with his own.

"Frank, are you okay?" Linda asked worriedly as she practically skipped down the stairs.

Frank smiled slyly at Gerard. "I’m fine, but Gerard has something he wants to tell you."

"Okay," Linda replied, a little confused. She sat in the chair across the coffee table from where Gerard and Frank were seated on the sofa. Frank had made sure that his and Gerard’s linked hands were hidden behind one of Linda’s numerous throw pillows.

"I’m all ears, Gerard."

Gerard took a deep breath, and Frank squeezed his hand reassuringly.

"Well, Linda, this is really hard for me to say, but since you’re like a surrogate mother to me, here goes. I’m gay."

Linda smiled warmly at the boy. "Gerard, that’s fantastic. I’m glad that you felt close enough to share that with me."

"Oh, there’s more where that came from," He teased.

Linda cocked an eyebrow. "Go on."

Gerard took another deep breath, and Frank took pity on him and took over the conversation, for which Gerard was incredibly thankful.

"There’s something else we need to tell you."

"We?"

Frank pulled his and Gerard’s hands out from behind the pillow. Linda smiled.

"I knew it! I told you! Did I not tell you, Frankie?"

Frank rolled his eyes. "Yes, Mom, you told me."

She sighed happily. "I’m so glad you two are finally together. You make such a cute couple."

Gerard blushed, and Frank rolled his eyes.

"Here’s the thing, Ma. Gerard’s parents are a tad bit homophobic." He looked at Gerard for permission to tell the whole story, and Gerard nodded. "They basically gave him an ultimatum of either be straight or you’re no longer a part of this family."

Linda gasped in horror. "Oh, my god. I’m so sorry, Gerard. Who would do that to their own son?"

"My parents aren’t bad parents," Gerard threw in. He felt that he had to defend them, "They’re good parents and good people, they just reject things they don’t understand. I still love them."

"Of course you do."

"So, Mom, we kinda have to keep our relationship a secret from Gerard’s family. You won’t have a problem with that, will you?" He asked, hopeful.

"Of course not. You’re both family to me, and you should be happy and love whoever you want, regardless of their gender."

Frank sighed in relief. "Thanks, Mom."

"Thank you so much, Linda."

"Oh, it’s not a problem, sweetie."

"On that note," Frank said, standing and pulling Gerard up with him, "We’re going up to my room."

"Ah, ah, ah," Linda said, stopping Frank dead in his tracks, "Before you two scuttle off to live happily ever after, there are some things we need to discuss."

Frank groaned, and he and Gerard sat back down. "Shoot."

"First, I’d still like you see you both. I know you already spent too much time together, and I can’t imagine how much worse it’ll be now. I don’t want you two hanging out in the attic every waking moment."

"Can do."

"And no matter who it is, Gerard or otherwise, your love life will not supersede your academics. When you graduate, you can make Gerard the most important thing in your life, but until you have your diploma, your schooling will be the most important thing in your life."

"Duh."

"Don’t take that tone with me, Frankie. And lastly, and I know you don’t wanna hear this, but deal with it. I understand that you’re both young, and teens are teens. I understand how it is to be 18 and filled with raging hormones and to have urges."

Gerard giggled, and Frank groaned again. "Please don’t use the word ‘urges’!"

"I’m going to be very blunt right now. I would appreciate if there was no sex in my house."

"Please, God, kill me now," Frank said, throwing his head back and shutting his eyes.

"Especially not when I’m home."

"Really, Mom? You really think we’re gonna fuck with you two floors away?"

Linda held up her hands defensively. "Just covering the subject."

"Are you done? Please tell me you’re done."

"I’m done. You two are free to leave."

Frank almost ran up the two flights of stairs to his attic.

As soon as the Gerard closed the trapdoor after him, Frank pulled Gerard into his arms, kissing him softly and wrapping his arms around his neck.

"I don’t even know how to put into words how amazing I feel right now."

"Me, too," Gerard smiled, locking his hands together behind Frank’s back.

"Do you feel that?" Frank asked softly.

"Feel what?"

"That," Frank said, flattening himself against Gerard. "The way we fit together. Like you’re meant to be here."

"I think I am. I know now what I’ve been feeling these past three months."

"What?"

"Belonging. Love. That’s why no other friends really worked out for me. Because the whole time, it was supposed to be you."

Frank sighed and set his head against Gerard’s chest. "You’ve got the heart of a poet, Gerard."

"You bring it out in me."

Keeping their bodies intertwined, Gerard walked over to Frank’s bed, and the two lay down on the large mattress. But instead of lying on opposite sides, Frank wiggled his way over to Gerard, once again setting his head on Gerard’s chest, and grabbing at his hand.

"Can... Can we…"

"Just say it, Frank."

"Can we just lie down for a while? I just, and I know this sounds gooey and cliché and lame, but I just wanna lay here with you, now that I can."

Gerard smiled, though Frank wasn’t looking at his face. "Of course, Frank."

He kissed the top of Frank’s head.


	18. Chapter 18

Gerard was cold. He shivered softly. He didn’t remember being cold when he fell asleep.

"Gerard. Gerard, wake up."

"Frank?" He asked, keeping his eyes closed.

"No, Michael Jackson. Of course, Frank!"

Gerard rolled his still-closed eyes and then opened them. Frank was sitting next to him on his giant bed. His hair was mussed, and there were red lines crosshatching his face.

"Oh, shit," He said, sitting up and running a hand through his own knotted hair. He didn’t even remember falling asleep.

"When did I fall asleep?"

Frank smirked. "About four minutes before I did."

"What time is it?"

"Like, 8. You better get home."

"Fuck," He said laughing. "I didn’t mean to sleep that long."

"Me, neither," Frank said with a smile, "But I certainly didn’t mind it. You make a good pillow."

"You make a good blanket."

"We’ll have to do it again sometime."

Gerard looked away and blushed, and Frank gently brushed his hand over Gerard’s cheek.

"You’re beautiful when you blush. Does that sound gooey?"

Gerard giggled. "Yeah, but I like it. It’s nice, being able to say what I feel."

"Yeah? And how do you feel?"

Gerard sighed, pulling Frank close and kissing him softly. "I feel like everything is right with the world."

"You should go. But I don’t want you to."

"I don’t want to either," Gerard said, grimacing. He crawled off Frank’s bed and walked over to his window, dragging Frank along with him.

"I’ll be back tomorrow."

"You better."

Gerard ran his fingernails through Frank’s buzzed hair, and kissed him again, long and slow. All their kisses so far were soft and chaste and closed-mouthed. Gerard had the urge to part his lips slightly, but he didn’t know how Frank would respond. Plus, he’d just woken up, and he didn’t know if he had morning breath or not.

They parted slowly, Frank leaning in for a couple more quick kisses before Gerard finally had to push him away.

"I gotta go," He said sternly.

Frank frowned, and Gerard kissed him again.

Gerard climbed out the window, landing safely on the bough.

"Hey," Frank called.

Gerard looked back when he got to the ladder on the tree trunk.

"I love you," Frank said, trying to keep from hiding his huge smile.

"I love you, too," Gerard responded.

He climbed down the tree and walked across the street to his house. When he looked back, Frank was still watching him.

~~~~

Gerard paused outside the front door and took a few deep breaths, preparing himself for a shitstorm when he walked in.

Instead, he was greeted with a huge hug from his mother, a handshake from his father, and later when his parents were asleep, a tearful apology from Mikey. He’d made his way down to Gerard’s room in the middle of the night again.

"I’m really sorry, Gee."

"It’s ok," He said frostily.

Mikey wiped a tear from his face, and sniffled. Gerard noticed how vulnerable he looked, like he was six years old again and hiding one of Gerard's broken action figures behind his back.

"You’re lying. You’re still pissed, aren’t you?"

Gerard sighed, scooting over and letting Mikey crawl into bed with him. Gerard fit himself against Mikey’s back, wrapping an arm around him.

"Yeah, a little. I understand you’re sorry and that you didn’t do it on purpose, but you still, and I hate to sound like an after-school special, but you still betrayed my trust. I told you a secret, something personal that scared me, and you let it slip to Dad. You know I would never hurt you like that."

"I know. But I was scared, I guess. You know how Mom and Dad are about homosexuality. I asked Dad about how he’d react if I told him a friend of mine was gay. He said he didn’t want me around someone like that, and that if he was gay, he was a bad person. He started yelling, and when I went to say he’s a good person, I accidently said ‘Gee’s a good person’. The way he looked at me... I’m so sorry. Can you ever forgive me?"

Gerard listened to the story, Mikey pausing occasionally to sniffle or wipe his eyes.

"Of course, Mikes. You’re my brother. And even if you fucked up, I can forgive you. We’re brothers for life. No matter what."

Mikey laughed when he recognized the same words he’d said days ago to Gerard.

"I love you, Gerard."

"I love you, too, Mikes."

~~~~

The next morning, Gerard woke up early. Instead of calling or texting Frank, he just walked over unannounced, creeping through Frank’s window. He tried to do it as stealthily as possible. He managed to pull it off, because as his feet found stable ground, he still heard a soft, steady snoring. Frank was still asleep.

Gerard tiptoed over to Frank’s bed, and right as he prepared to leap on Frank, he rolled over.

Gerard gasped when he recognized the grey fabric that Frank was half using as a pillow, half hugging. He couldn’t stop the smile that crept across his face, or the warmth he felt in his stomach.

"Frank," He whispered, shaking Frank softly. Frank rolled back over and groaned, but didn’t wake up. Gerard shook him harder. "Frank!" He almost yelled. Frank still didn’t wake up, so Gerard took drastic measures. He started poking him in the side, which woke up him quickly.

After about 4 pokes, he sat up and slapped Gerard’s hand away.

"All right! I’m up! Knock it off!"

Gerard giggled. "Sorry, Frank. I was trying to do it nicely."

"My ass," Frank whined as he threw his blankets off him and swung his legs over the side of the bed. Gerard saw that, as usual, he was shirtless, wearing only flannel pajama pants.

"I’m sorry," Gerard said, and he really was. He felt bad for waking up Frank now.

Just then, Frank realized that it was Gerard sitting on his bed, not his mother.

"It’s you," He smiled. "Don’t worry about waking me up. I don’t mind. C’mere," He said, pulling Gerard close and giving him a quick kiss.

"How’d you sleep?" Gerard asked.

Frank shrugged. "As good as I normally do. Why?"

Gerard fished his hoodie out from under the blankets. Frank’s entire face and chest turned the shade of a tomato, and he buried his face in his hands in embarrassment.

Gerard laughed, and pried Frank’s hands away from his face. "This is the hoodie I gave you that day your father came to see you."

"True," Frank mumbled, staring at the floor.

"You still have it."

"Also true."

"You _sleep_ with it," Gerard said, smiling.

Frank ripped the hoodie from his hands and stuffed it under his pillow. "Yeah. So?" He said, standing and crossing his arms. "It reminds me of you. And... and it smells like you. I sleep with it every night. It keeps nightmares away."

"Really?" Gerard asked, and now he was blushing, too.

Frank nodded, and Gerard kissed the tip of his nose. "That’s the most adorable thing I’ve ever heard."

Frank shrugged again. "It’s true."

"Doesn’t make it any less cute."

Frank turned up half his mouth in a smirk. "I suppose I should get dressed," He said, wrapping his arms around Gerard’s neck. Gerard wrapped his arms around Frank’s waist.

"If you must."

"You know, in order for me to get dressed, you need to let me go."

"No deal!" Gerard said, and jumped into Frank’s bed, pulling him with him.

"What do you wanna do today?" Frank asked.

Gerard shrugged. "I actually should probably be home. I’m pretty sure I have homework."

"Fuck!" Frank yelled as he almost jumped off the bed. Gerard sat up as he started digging through his backpack.

"Big assignment?" Gerard guessed.

"You have no idea! I’ve got this whole huge essay I need to write about fucking _Hamlet_ , and I haven’t even finished the play."

"Relax. I read it twice last year. I’ll help you."

Frank stood. "Why _on Earth_ would you read it _twice_?"

"British Literature and Creative Writing. It’s one of those things that if you’re not into it, you won’t understand it. I take it you’re not really into Shakespeare?" He asked, raising an eyebrow and smiling.

Frank rolled his eyes.

~~~~

"To be, or not to be, that is the question:

Whether 'tis Nobler in the mind to suffer

The Slings and Arrows of outrageous Fortune,

Or to take Arms against a Sea of troubles,

And by opposing end them: to die, to sleep

No more; and by a sleep, to say we end

The Heart-ache, and the thousand Natural shocks

That Flesh is heir to? 'Tis a consummation

Devoutl–"

"Wait, wait, wait!"

Gerard groaned and threw his head back. "You can’t just stop me in the middle of Hamlet’s soliloquy! This is one of the most famous monologues ever written!"

"I’m confused," Frank said, pouting.

Gerard hopped off the coffee table, where he was performing, and sat down next to Frank.

"Ok, so in this monologue, Hamlet’s talking to himself. The ‘To be, or not to be,is really ‘To live or not to live. Hamlet’s talking to himself about whether he wants to commit suicide or not. So the whole monologue is the pros and cons of both."

"Why does he wanna commit suicide again?" Frank mumbled around the pen he was gnawing on.

"Because he doesn’t know if the ghost of his father is his actual father, and if it is, he’s got all this responsibility. He’s first gotta find out if his Claudius is guilty, and if he is, he’s gotta kill him. He’s not sure it’s worth it, so part of him wants to end his life."

Frank smirked. "Maybe he should confess his love to the neighbor boy, and he won’t wanna commit suicide anymore," He said with a sly smile to Gerard.

Gerard smiled and nuzzled his nose into Frank’s neck.

"Worked for me," He whispered in Frank’s ear.

Frank turned his head and captured Gerard’s lips in a quick kiss.

Linda walked in the door as they separated. "Hello, boys."

"Hi, Mom," Frank said.

Gerard waved and smiled, trying not to squirm. He didn’t know how she was gonna react to them kissing or holding hands. He was almost sure she wouldn’t care, but he was still apprehensive about it.

"Whatcha doing?" Linda asked as she walked into the living room, looming over the notes Frank had been taking on Gerard’s performances.

"Gerard’s acting out _Hamlet_ for me cuz I’ve got an essay due tomorrow."

"That’s nice of him."

Frank snuck a look at Gerard, and noticed that he was stiff. Gerard didn’t notice he was leaning in until suddenly Frank’s lips were against his own. He felt Frank’s lips turn up in a smile, and he parted. Linda was still standing next to them, but her face was unchanged. She was completely unfazed by them kissing in front of her. Gerard relaxed a bit.

"What’s for dinner?" Frank asked nonchalantly.

"Chili," She said as she made her way back towards the kitchen.

"Can I make it?"

"Finish your homework!"

"Damn," Frank muttered, picking up his pen again.

~~~~

Five hours, a six-pack of Dr. Pepper, two bowls of vegetarian chili each, a quick clean-up when Frank chewed all the way through a pen, and six pee breaks (one for Gerard, two for Frank and three for Sinatra) later, Frank had a Gerard-approved essay about Hamlet and his changing relationship dynamics throughout the course of the play.

"It’s okay?" Frank asked, chewing on a new pen nervously.

"It’s really good," Gerard said, feeling like a college professor. He had read through and proofreaded Frank’s essay twice, and he was almost certain he couldn’t have written it better himself.

"You were a huge help. Thanks," Frank said as he crawled over to the chair Gerard was sitting in. He leaned up just enough so that his lips could reach Gerard’s.

"You’re welcome," Gerard said against Frank’s lips.

Frank crawled even closer until he was kneeling between Gerard’s legs. He set a hand on Gerard’s neck, keeping him close. He just started to part his lips when Gerard pulled away.

"I should go."

Frank looked a little upset, but backed away. "All right. I’ll see you in the morning."

Gerard slipped his shoes on, and kissed Frank once more before he walked out the door. He didn’t look back, but he had a feeling that Frank was watching him.

Gerard hoped that his hasty leaving didn’t give Frank the wrong idea. He loved Frank, he really did. But he was scared to death of taking the relationship any farther. Frank had experience. He’d made out with god only knows how many people, and almost had sex twice. The most Gerard had done was what he'd done with Frank. He sighed as he walked through the front door and down to his basement. It wasn’t like Frank was gonna dump him because he was inexperienced, but still. Gerard was afraid of getting intimate with Frank and looking like a fool because he didn’t know how to French.

He buried his face in his pillow and groaned.


	19. Chapter 19

"We have lunch plans today."

Gerard cocked an eyebrow. "Do we?"

Frank smiled and popped his gum, which made Ms. Barrett give him a dirty look. He’d already been given three dirty looks, but he just kept popping his gum.

"Why do you do that?" Gerard whispered.

"Do what?"

"Antagonize. Annoy."

Frank shrugged and smirked. "It’s fun to piss people off. You should try it sometime."

Gerard rolled his eyes.

~~~

"You’re kidding," Gerard said as he read the bright green paper on the classroom door. He reread the words, but he was still flabbergasted.

"Absolutely not. What’s wrong?"

"I can’t go in there!"

"Of course you can. That’s kinda the whole point."

"No. Sorry. But no," He shook his head, turning to walk away. Frank grabbed his hand and pulled him back to him.

"Gerard, come on. Don’t you trust me?"

"Yeah, but... You know how I am. I don’t want anyone to know about-"

"Gerard. The whole point of GSA is to have a safe place to express your thoughts and feelings. They’re not gonna judge you. I think this’ll be really good for you."

Gerard huffed, because they both knew Frank was right.

Frank smiled and stood on his tiptoes to peck Gerard on the cheek.

"Thank you. You ready?"

Gerard glared at him, and he grabbed his hand and pulled him through the door.

"Frank!" Mallory Tyler said when she saw him. She ran up to him and hugged him. "You weren’t at the last meeting."

"His fault," He said, pointing at Gerard.

"Oh, hi, Gerard. What are you doing here?"

Gerard grimaced and Frank smiled. "He’s here with me," He said, linking their fingers together, making sure Mallory saw.

"That’s nice. Take a seat. We’re starting in a minute." She walked away, and Gerard noticed that she was so peppy, she practically bounced.

Frank dragged Gerard over to two empty chairs.

"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you," Gerard chanted as he walked after Frank and sat down next to him.

"You do not, you do not, you do not, you do not," Frank smirked.

Gerard tried to sit and pout during the whole meeting, but it was almost impossible. Everyone was so nice and they told funny stories, and Gerard found himself cracking a smile more often than he thought he would, and even laughing a few times. However, he turned to stone again when someone asked him to introduce himself.

Frank reached over and grabbed his hand, squeezing it to reassure him that he was okay.

"Well, uh, my name is Gerard. I’m a senior."

"When did you know you weren’t straight?" Someone asked, and Gerard shuddered.

"Uh, I, uh, am not really comfortable talking about this."

"He’s newly ‘outed’," Frank spoke up. Gerard felt like he was about to pass out.

"Congratulations!"

"Thanks," Gerard said, uncertainly.

"He’s not really comfortable with being out. He hasn’t had the best support system. He’s a little scared."

"Well, Gerard," Mrs. Carlisle said, "You know GSA is all about creating a safe environment for you to express yourself."

"I know. But still... I’m not used to speaking so openly about this."

"Is Frank your boyfriend?"

Frank giggled. "Yeah. We’ve been together for about a week and a half."

"You must be extremely close. You’re lucky to have such a great boyfriend."

That did make Gerard smile. "Yeah," he said with a squeeze to Frank's hand, "I am."

~~~~

Gerard was sitting cross-legged on his bed, his Lit book in his lap when Henry Rollins started singing from his pocket.

"What’s up, Frank?"

"Mom’s got another overnight tomorrow. You know I don’t like being alone."

"That’s cute," Gerard said, cocking half his mouth in a smile.

"Bite me. Will you stay the night with me?"

"I gotta ask Mom and Dad."

"Tell them we’re having girls over. They’ll say yes."

"How does that not bother you?" Gerard asked, shaking his head.

"What?"

"Pretending to be straight. I did it for years and it killed."

"Because the only people I pretend to be straight around are your family. I’m gay around everyone else. Wait, that didn’t sound right," Frank said with a laugh.

Gerard giggled, too. "No, it did not."

"Gerard! Dinner!" Donna yelled from the kitchen.

"I gotta go. I’ll talk to you later."

"I love you."

Gerard smiled. "I love you, too."

Gerard galloped up the stairs and immediately started helping Mikey set the table.

"Hey, Ma?"

"Yeah?" She said, her nose still stuck in her soup pot.

"Linda has to work an overnight at the hospital tomorrow night. Frank’s kind of afraid to stay alone. You know he’s not very intimidating. So he was wondering if I could stay the night with him."

"He could stay over here," Mikey suggested.

Gerard jumped when the spoons he was holding clattered to the floor. Frank staying the night at his house? With his parents only feet away? The thought made his stomach knot, and not in a good way.

"I’d rather you stay over there," Donald said from behind his newspaper. "It’s dangerous to leave houses empty in Jersey. Plus, you’ll have that big-ass dog to protect you."

Gerard breathed a silent sigh of relief.

"I don’t know. It’s a school night."

"Would it make you feel better if I told you I got a B+ on my last Math test?"

"That has nothing to do with anything," Donna said.

Gerard shrugged. "Yeah, but it didn’t hurt, did it?"

Donna smiled. "Fine. But don’t stay up too late."

Gerard ran to his mother’s side and kissed her cheek. "Thanks, Mom."

~~~~

"Hi, Mom," Frank said as he and Gerard walked through the front door the next day.

"Hi," Linda said as she slipped on her shoes and a sweatshirt. She walked past them toward the door.

"Bye, Mom."

"Bye," She answered as she closed the door behind her. Frank chuckled and locked it after her.

"Sinatra!" He called, and the huge dog came running down the stairs. Frank and Gerard hooked him up to the line in the backyard, and sat down on the back porch while Sinatra had much needed bathroom time.

"So what do you wanna do tonight?" Frank asked.

"Arson," Gerard joked.

"I’m down for arson! You know I like to play with fire!"

"Calm down, Spaz. I was kidding."

Frank’s face fell in mock disappointment, which made Gerard smile.

"Since I’m the responsible one, homework first."

"I don’t have any homework."

"You’re a fucking liar!" Gerard chuckled, and Frank blushed, knowing he’d been caught in his lie. "We have two worksheets in history, and I bet you’ve got math homework."

"I’ve always got fucking math homework," Frank grumbled.

~~~~

Frank threw on an Abbott and Costello movie while he and Gerard sat at the coffee table in the living room and finished their homework. Gerard was amused to find that, contrary to his previous thoughts, Frank _wasn't_ good at everything. He was beyond horrible at any kind of math beyond elementary arithmetic. Gerard teased him for 45 minutes as he tried and failed repeatedly to find the slope of a certain dastardly right triangle. Frank laughed as Gerard cracked horrible jokes, but Gerard finally apologized with a quick kiss and a rather lengthy lecture about slope-intercept form. Frank played catch with Sinatra through the entire speech, but he finished the last 20 problems in the time it had taken him to do the first ten, so Gerard assumed he’d subconsciously soaked up something.

After homework, Frank decided that he was bored with his flame-hued hair, so he and Gerard made an emergency stop to the nearest salon.

"I’m gonna miss it," Gerard said sadly as he and Frank walked hand-in-hand into the salon.

"Do you want me to leave it?"

Gerard shook his head. "No, not if you want it gone. Although I would’ve liked another chance to draw it. I’m actually surprised you’re changing it. I thought you loved your hair?"

"I do," Frank shrugged. "But I get bored easily. I’m changeable."

Gerard chuckled.

"How about this? I’ll let you draw me later with my new hair. Deal?"

"Deal."

"Hi. Can I help you?" The older woman said from behind the counter.

"I hope so. I’m looking to change my hair color."

"Well, we have some of the best colorists in the state. What color were you thinking of?"

"Blonde. White, if you can get it."

"I’m not sure. Lemme go grab a colorist. I’ll be back in two seconds."

"All right," Frank said, dismissing the woman. She walked away briskly.

"Blonde, Frank?" Gerard asked, cocking an eyebrow.

Frank shrugged. "Why not?"

Another girl walked up to them, and Gerard noticed she was really pretty. She was tall and thin, and had dirty blonde hair tied in low pigtails.

"Hi. Are you our color client?"

"I am!" Frank said, cheerily.

"Awesome. My name is Melanie, and I am the best colorist in this place, so you’re very lucky."

Frank smiled.

"What were you wanting to change?"

"I wanted to get rid of the red. I wanna bleach it."

The girl hissed. "Red is a really hard color to bleach. It almost always turns out pink."

"There you go, Frankie!" Gerard teased, "Pink hair!"

"Shut up, Gerard," Frank threw at him, swatting his arm, "Is it possible to bleach it enough to make it white from the red?" Frank asked, hopeful.

"Well, there is, but it’ll fry your hair pretty bad, and it's kind of a lengthy, slightly expensive process."

"I got nothing but time," Frank said with a smirk, which the girl returned.

"Okay. Follow me."


	20. Chapter 20

Frank and Gerard didn’t make it home until a little after 9, because Frank decided he wanted Chinese food, and the only acceptable Chinese place around was an hour away. But they had the best spring rolls Gerard had ever had, so he didn’t mind the drive.

By the time Frank and Gerard had both showered, it was quarter after 10. They let Sinatra out once more, and then they climbed the two flights of stairs to Frank’s attic.

Frank sat down on his bed, and ran his fingers through his newly-bleached hair nervously.

"Do you wanna sleep on the floor like we usually do?"

"I don’t care."

"Or you," Frank cleared his throat, "You can sleep in the bed with me."

Gerard blushed, and hoped to God that Frank couldn’t see it. "Do you want me to?"

Frank smiled guiltily. "Sure. Only if you don’t mind. I kinda move around a lot."

Gerard took a step closer to Frank. "It’s a big bed. I don’t think it would bother me."

Frank reached up to wrap his arms around Gerard’s neck. He pulled him close, and kissed him softly.

Just as Frank parted his lips slightly, Gerard pulled away, standing up straight.

"You still smell like bleach," He said, smiling.

"Sorry."

Gerard climbed into Frank’s bed, settling in under the large checkered blanket. Frank joined him, shutting off his lamp before wiggling his way next to Gerard.

"Those things are fucking bright," Gerard said, looking at the glowing handprints on the wall.

"I know," Frank whispered, throwing his arm around Gerard's chest, "Sometimes they keep me up at night."

"Then why don’t you paint over them?"

He felt Frank shrug. "It’s not that bad. Plus, I don’t wanna. As inconvenient as they may be sometimes, I like them. They remind me of you."

Gerard chuckled. "Speaking of reminding you of me, why aren’t you sleeping with my hoodie tonight?"

Frank scoffed. "I’ve got you here. I only sleep with your hoodie when you’re otherwise inaccessible."

"Thanks," Gerard said, pressing another kiss to Frank’s lips. Frank didn’t want the kiss to end so soon, so he chased Gerard’s lips. Again, as Frank parted his lips, Gerard ended the kiss. But Frank just kissed him again, but to his annoyance, when he parted his lips once more, Gerard pulled away.

Frank sat up quickly, flipping the light back on. "Why do you do that?" He asked, and Gerard thought he sounded annoyed and angry.

"Do what?" He asked, also sitting up, and pulling his knees to his chest.

"Pull away."

"I don’t do it on purpose," Gerard said.

"You’re lying. Every time! Every single time I try to… What’s the matter? What am I doing wrong?"

"Nothing! I just-" He sighed. He hated the fact that he had made Frank feel like this was his fault. "I’m not… nothing. Can we just drop it?"

"No," Frank said, shaking his head vehemently. "What’s the problem? Tell me." He reached out and grabbed one of Gerard’s hands. "Please."

Gerard sighed again. "It’s embarrassing."

Frank scoffed. "Really? You’re not gonna tell me because it’s _embarrassing_? Don’t you think we’re past that?"

"Yeah, I guess. I just, I feel like… Like I’m," He took a deep breath, "Inexperienced."

"Explain, please."

Gerard shrugged. "You have experience. You’ve been, and I hate to use this word, but, _intimate_ with people. I haven’t. I don’t know how to do anything. I’ve never done any of it before. I’m nervous. I don’t wanna embarrass myself." He noticed that Frank was smiling softly.

"Is that it? Why you won’t let me go any further?"

Gerard nodded slowly.

"I get it. James was more experienced than I was. I was scared with him. It’s okay for you to be scared, or nervous. But you need to trust me. _Do_ you trust me?"

"Of course."

"Then trust me when I say that I would be happy to help you get over any insecurity you have when it comes to… intimacy."

Gerard giggled, because Frank saying ‘intimacy’ was amusing in a sick kind of way.

"That being said, come here," Frank said softly, pulling Gerard over to him.

Frank placed one hand on Gerard’s neck, and the other on his arm. Gerard braced one hand on the bed, and set the other on the back of Frank’s head.

"You trust me, right?" Frank whispered.

"Yes."

"Stop me if I go too fast."

Gerard nodded, and Frank leaned in. Even though this was far from the first time they’d kissed, Gerard had never been more nervous. Frank paused for a second just before their lips touched, and then tilted his head and kissed Gerard.

It was just like any other kiss they’d ever shared, but Gerard knew it wasn’t gonna stay that way for long.

Frank pulled away for just a second, and kissed him again, this time capturing Gerard’s bottom lip between his. Slowly, very slowly, Frank parted his lips. Gerard wanted to pull away like he’d become accustomed to, but Frank gripped him tightly.

Gerard accidently moaned gently when Frank ran the very tip of his tongue over his lip. Frank broke to kiss to laugh softly.

"I’m sorry," Gerard said, blushing.

"Don’t be sorry. It’s normal."

"Do you feel like a Sex Ed teacher?"

"Kinda. Are you okay?"

Gerard nodded. "I’m good. You can keep going."

"Okay."

Frank leaned in again, and kissed Gerard again, this time opening his mouth a little wider, and licking gently at Gerard’s lip. Gerard took the hint, and parted his lips, too. He was a little surprised when Frank crept his tongue slowly into Gerard’s mouth, but he didn’t pull away. He followed after Frank, moving his tongue like Frank was. He was shocked with how amazing it felt, and how fantastic of a kisser Frank was.

Gerard finally broke the kiss reluctantly when he needed to breathe.

"You okay?" Frank asked, breathless.

Gerard chuckled. "More than okay. You are ridiculously good at that."

Frank smirked. "I know. Thanks. You know, for a beginner, you’re not so bad yourself. Now that I’ve successful taught you the finer points of making out, do you wanna go to sleep?"

Gerard smiled. "Hell no," He said, grabbing Frank firmly and kissing him again.

He didn’t pull away this time.


	21. Chapter 21

"Why is this bed so fucking comfortable?" Gerard groaned into the pillow. Frank laughed beside him.

"I know. It’s like sleeping on a cloud, right? Now get up; it’s time for school."

"I don’t wanna go to school!" Gerard lifted his head from when his face was smashed into the pillow. "Let’s ditch."

Frank scoffed. "Are you serious? _You?_ Wanna skip school?"

Gerard nodded, and grabbed Frank’s hand, pulling him next to him. "Are you saying you’d rather go to school, spend hours in boring classes surrounded by assholes than lay in bed with me all day?" He leaned forward and teasingly kissed Frank’s lips.

"You know, for someone who was afraid to French me 8 hours ago, you got really brave really fast," Frank teased, climbing on top of Gerard and fitting their bodies together.

"You’re like a fucking drug, Frank," Gerard said, setting one hand on his face and pulling him in for another heated kiss. "I just want more and more. So much that I’m willing to skip school."

"Won’t you get yelled at?" Frank whispered against Gerard’s lips.

"What would you say if I told you I don’t care?"

"I’d say that we’re spending way too much time together. I’m starting to rub off on you."

"I don’t care."

"Is that gonna be your new motto?"

"Sure. Why not? Are you gonna skip with me or not?"

Frank leaned down and kissed the tip of Gerard’s nose. "I don’t know. Mom won’t be very happy."

Gerard pouted.

"We’ll skip tomorrow. Now get dressed," He added, rolling off Gerard and rummaging through his drawers.

Gerard grudgingly got up and gathered his clothes for school. He walked down the stairs to the second-floor bathroom to change and brush his teeth.

Part of him felt foolish for deliberately leaving the room to change. Frank would’ve stripped down right in front of Gerard. In fact, he had before. But every inch of Frank was gorgeous. Gerard still saw himself as the chubby eighth grader that couldn’t get a date to save his life. He’d lost a lot of weight the summer before freshman year, but he still had the self-esteem and the confidence he had when he was 13. Last night, he and Frank had resolved Gerard’s kissing issues, but now came an issue that scared Gerard even more; the fear of Frank seeing him shirtless or even naked. Gerard shuddered at the thought of being unclothed around Frank.

To make Gerard's nervousness even worse, when he made his way back upstairs to get his shoes, Frank was in only his boxers, stepping into a pair of jeans. He zipped and buttoned them before looking up and noticing Gerard.

"I’ll be ready in one minute. Maybe if I speed, we won’t be late."

"You’re gonna speed anyway."

"Probably," He admitted, holding up two shirts. "Red or black?" He asked Gerard.

"Hmm... Red. It’ll be nice to see a color besides black or white on you. You’re a very monochromatic person."

"Oh, hardy har har!" Frank mocked as he unfolded the red shirt and slipped it on. The hem hung a bit above Frank’s jeans, a small sliver of pale skin showing. Gerard saw that handwriting on the front that read ‘HoMoPHoBiA is GAY’.

"Homemade?" Gerard asked, raising an eyebrow.

Frank blushed. "I was 15, gimme a break."

"Whatever. Are you ready?"

"One second," Frank said, trying to balance putting his shoes while standing. He succeeded in putting on one shoe, but while he tried to pull the other on, he fell into his dresser. Gerard helped him up, and kept him steady as he finished putting on his shoes. Gerard threw on his black sweatshirt, Frank threw on his Thrice sweatshirt, and they left, to Gerard’s relief, through the front door. He still wasn’t a huge fan of using the ladder.

As Gerard predicted, Frank sped to school.

They were working on scratch art in Art class, which meant that Gerard couldn’t necessarily seclude himself with Frank like he preferred. Instead, he put his feet on the table, propped his sketchbook up on his knees, and started drawing Frank from across the room. But every time Frank raised his hand, Gerard jumped out of his seat to answer his question.

"Can I help you, Frank?" Gerard asked, leaning over his shoulder, their faces dangerously close.

"Yeah, why is this part not scratching off?"

"That’s what the extra paper is for," He said, lifting Frank’s hand and sliding the paper underneath it. "If the oils in your skin come in contact with the paper, the black stuff won’t scratch off." Gerard stealthily pressed his cheek to Frank’s, and he made sure he kept his hand on Frank’s wrist for as long as possible. He blew a light breath down the back of Frank’s shirt.

Frank shivered. "Oh. Thanks."

Gerard leaned even closer, and whispered seductively in Frank’s ear. "Now don’t you wish we were still lying in bed together?" He turned and walked away, not giving Frank the opportunity to respond, but when he looked behind him, he saw that Frank was watching him walk away, with hungry eyes.

~~~~

As usual, Gerard made it to Frank’s car before Frank did. But when Frank walked out of the building, the second he saw Gerard leaning against his car, he took off at a sprint, flinging himself at Gerard, and pulling him in for a long, heated, hard kiss. Gerard took half a second to notice that there were no windows in this wall, which meant nobody could accidently see them, then gave himself over to Frank’s persistent lips.

"Jesus, Frank," Gerard chuckled between fast kisses. Frank curled his fingers in Gerard’s hair, and Gerard wrapped his arms around Frank’s waist, pulling him as close as he could.

"You’re an asshole," Frank breathed, as he took his lips off Gerard’s and trailed them down his neck.

Gerard gasped when Frank bit down on his neck. Thank god he was more or less pushed against the car, because Frank sucking and biting on his neck made his knees buckle.

"Why am I an asshole?"

Frank pulled back just enough to speak clearly. "You think you’re funny? Teasing me like that? I’ve been sitting for an hour and a half thinking about your lips, your hands, your tongue."

"You’re not the only one," Gerard said. He gasped again when Frank reattached himself to his neck. "Is this really the right place to do this?"

"I honestly don’t know if I can wait."

Gerard laughed, and pushed Frank away gently. "We have to at least make it home."

Frank pouted and whimpered, but Gerard just kissed him once more, quickly, and got in the car. Frank crossed his arms and stood defiantly outside the passenger door.

Gerard rolled his window down. "The quicker we get home, the quicker we’ll be in your bedroom."

Frank smiled and ran to the driver’s side, jumping in the seat and starting the car quickly. Gerard covered Frank’s hand on the steering wheel before they even left the parking spot.

"Don’t speed. I know you’re eager, but it kinda scares me."

Frank smirked. "Fear can be a powerful aphrodisiac."

Gerard chuckled weakly. Aphrodisiac meant sex; sex meant nakedness. Even though Gerard was sure Frank wasn’t talking about sex right now, the thought still made Gerard nervous.

~~~~

Frank was kept waiting even longer when Gerard pointed out that they needed to let Sinatra out when they got home. But thankfully, Sinatra was quick, and Frank and Gerard were upstairs in less than 2 minutes.

As soon as they had their trapdoor shut, Frank ripped off his hoodie, and was once again connected to Gerard. He unzipped Gerard’s hoodie, and slid it to the floor, and then they were on the bed, kissing furiously like they had been in the parking lot not 10 minutes ago.

Frank found the same spot on Gerard's neck he’d been attacking earlier, and attacked it with even more fire than before. Gerard was a little embarrassed with the noises he was making, but Frank was still sucking and kissing his neck, so he didn’t care that much.

"Fuck, Frank, why are you so good at that?"

Frank smirked against Gerard’s neck.

Gerard rolled them over so that he was on top of Frank, and returned the favor, sucking and biting a large purple bruise into Frank’s neck.

"You know," Frank moaned, "You’re not so bad at that yourself."

"God, I can’t believe I’ve been missing out on this for 18 years."

"You don’t have to miss out on anything anymore," Frank whispered. But it wasn’t sexual; it sounded like he was nervous.

Slowly, he dragged his fingernails down Gerard’s chest, resting them lightly on the hem of his jeans. He gently tapped the button once.

Gerard’s mouth went dry. He swallowed and licked his lips. His eyes slipped closed, and he took a deep breath.

Frank set a slightly clammy hand on Gerard’s neck, and he opened his eyes again. Frank was chewing on his lip; he was just as nervous as Gerard was.

"You don’t have to. If you’re scared, we can just-"

"No," Gerard cut him off. "I’m okay."

"I’m not trying to pressure you. I don’t wanna rush you. But I can tell. When you touch me, when you kiss me. You want this, don’t you?"

Gerard smiled softly and nodded. "I do. I want you in every way you’re willing to give yourself to me."

Frank kissed Gerard once more, and softly pushed him back enough so that he could sit up. He grabbed Gerard's hands and brought them to the hem of his shirt. Together, they pulled Frank’s shirt off, and Frank tossed it on the floor. Gerard leaned forward and kissed him, his hands starting on Frank’s face, and then slowly tracing every available part of Frank’s body they could access. They slid over his shoulders, down his arms, up his chest and down his back. Frank shivered as Gerard left trails of goose bumps on his skin. He nipped gently at Gerard's bottom lip. Gerard trailed his fingers over Frank’s stomach once more, before he started unbuckling Frank’s belt. He kissed a line down him throat, before he found a spot on Frank’s collarbone that, when bitten, made Frank make the most amazing noises. He kissed and bit Frank’s collarbone as he finished unbuckling his belt, and when that was finished, he unbuttoned and unzipped Frank’s jeans.

"Are you okay?" Frank asked, and Gerard decided that a physical answer would be better than verbal, so he gently pushed Frank back down against the bed, and kissed a line from the bright red spot he was just attacking all the way down to his hipbone. Here, he attached himself again, and sucked another bruise into his soft skin. Frank threw back his head and moaned. He unconsciously pushed his hips up toward Gerard, and Gerard, inexperienced as he may have been, knew what that meant.

Just as he went to pull Frank’s jeans down his thighs, Frank grabbed his shirt and pulled him up to where he was.

"Holy fuck, Gerard. How are you already so good at this? I already feel like..." He trailed off, losing his words on Gerard’s lips. He reached down for Gerard’s fly, but Gerard swatted his hands away. Though after the fact, he tried to cover it up by grabbing his hands and placing them around his neck. He didn’t think it fooled Frank. Though every ounce of his being was begging to keep going, there was still a voice in his head reminding him that he didn’t want Frank to see him naked.

Frank pulled Gerard down on top of him, and ran his nails down Gerard's back. He stuck them up the back of his shirt, and dragged them down his bare back. He was about to stick them up the front of his shirt, but Gerard sat up, pretending to take a breath before he went back to his previous position of sucking at Frank’s hip.

Just as he hooked his fingers under the waistband of Frank’s boxers, his phone started ringing from his pocket.

"Fuck me," He groaned, sitting up on his heels and digging in his pocket.

Frank propped himself up on his elbows. "That’s a boner killer," He giggled.

Gerard rolled his eyes, and groaned again when he saw the picture on his screen. He hit the send button.

"What’s up, Mom?"

Frank grimaced.

"Were you planning on calling me at all? I haven’t heard from you in over 24 hours!"

"We’re 20 feet away, Ma."

"Gerard Arthur Way…"

"I’m sorry. We made it to school fine. We didn’t stay up too late last night, and we’re doing homework right now."

"Well, I would like you home. Now."

"Linda’s not home yet."

"I don’t care. Frank will be fine on his own for an hour or two. Now, Gerard."

"All right. I’ll see you in a minute," He said, and hung up the phone. "I gotta go," He explained, climbing off the bed and putting his hoodie back on.

"Really? Your mom has impeccable timing," Frank whined at the ceiling, rolling his eyes.

"Don’t worry," Gerard whispered, giving Frank a long, slow kiss. "I’ll be back tomorrow."


	22. Chapter 22

"Mom? Dad?" Gerard called as he walked through the door.

"In here!" His father called from the living room.

Gerard walked into the living room, where Mikey and their father were sitting watching television. "I’m home. What’s up?"

"Nothing. You mother just wanted you home." With that, Donald finally took his eyes off the screen and looked at his son. His mouth formed an angry line. "What did you do last night, son?

When Mikey looked over at Gerard, he smirked and raised an eyebrow.

Gerard’s hands went clammy. In an attempt to keep himself from looking guilty about the fact that not five minutes ago, he was about 30 seconds away from blowing Frank, he shrugged. "Nothing, really. Why?"

Mikey, behind their father’s back, pulled the collar of his shirt down and pointed to the side of his neck. Gerard remembered how Frank had suctioned himself to Gerard’s neck.

"Um, well, Frank had a couple of his friends from Hoboken over last night. Don’t tell Mom."

With that, Donald smiled. "What were their names?"

"Jennifer and Lisa. Don’t tell Mom," he repeated.

"I won’t," Donald said with another knowing smile, glad that whatever sexual activities Gerard had been involved in were with girls. He turned his attention back to his show.

Gerard all but ran down to the bathroom, and sure enough, there on his neck, was the largest purple hickey he’d ever seen, right on his jugular.

He groaned, but also smiled. While he obviously didn’t want his mother to see the bruise, because even if she thought it was from a girl, she still wouldn’t be happy, he found the mark to be kind of a turn-on. He certainly enjoyed the process of receiving the hickey, and the thought that Frank had marked him was a hot thought. Plus, every time he saw it, it throbbed, or he ran his fingers over it, he’d remember Frank lying on top of him, licking and sucking on his neck, and the memory made him smile.

He spent 15 minutes covering the bruise with his mother’s concealer, but she still spent the entire span of dinner giving him sideways glances. Of course, the fact that Mikey and Donald both kept looking at him and snickering didn’t help.

~~~~

When Gerard's text alert went off at 4:30 in the morning, he already knew who it was, without even opening the message. And when he did, he wasn’t surprised by the content.

**hey**

_WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? TEXTING AT 4 IN THE MORNING IS NOT NORMAL!!!!_

**when else are we gonna text?**

_oh, I don’t know. WHEN THE SUN IS UP?_

**the sun’ll be up in about two and a half hours. be prepared; as soon as its light out, i’m texting you**

_were you born this annoying?_

**you’re a mean boyfriend!**

Gerard knew Frank was smiling as he sent the message.

_i love you._

**thats a dirty trick**

_oh, shut up. well, youve already woken me up. what do you want?_

**i just wanted to show you something.**

Shortly after the message came in, three picture messages followed. They were all of Frank. Or well, parts of Frank. One was his neck, his head leaned sideways, a dark purple bruise embedded in his skin. The second was a close-up of his chest, another dark mark on his collarbone. The last was Frank’s waist, Frank's hand teasingly tugging down the waist of his jeans. Gerard chuckled when he recognized the hickey he’d left on Frank’s hip.

He smiled when he saw them. He didn’t realize he’d marked Frank so bad.

_sorry. for someone thats never left a hickey before, im damn good at it_

**don’t be. i kinda like them. ;) by the way, so does mom.**

_OH MY GOD! i’m so sorry!_

Gerard laughed as he typed out the message.

**its totally fine. as soon as she walked in my room, she saw the one on my neck. thank god she couldn’t see the other ones. shes been making fun of me all night.**

_ha!_

After he sent the message, he crept upstairs to the bathroom, wiped off the remaining make-up, and took his own picture. He smiled slyly, pulling the collar of his shirt down to accentuate the bruise. He sent it to Frank, along with another message.

_my dad and mikes saw mine, but i made up some cock and bull story about you having some friends over last night. obviously i said they were girls. i hid mine with make-up before my mom could see it._

**would it offend you if i told you that knowing i left sex marks on your body was kind of a turn-on? ;)**

Gerard smiled when he read the message.

_not at all, because to tell you the truth, i thought it was kinda hot, too._

**that you left them on me, or that I left them on you?**

_both._

**just imagine what everyones gonna say when we walk into class together and we’re both covered in hickeys ;D**

_god, don’t make me think about it._

**by the way, im just letting you know that youre not allowed to cover those at school.**

_why?_

**cuz I want everyone to know that youre mine. we need to help you get over your aversion to being openly gay.**

_whatever. im tired of it._

As Gerard typed out the message, he realized it was true. He may still have been hiding from his family, but he was tired of hiding from the rest of the world. His sexuality wasn't anyone's business but his own, and if other people had a problem with it, they'd have to get over it.

**good for you. im proud of you!**

_thanks._

**well, that’s what i wanted to show you. good night!**

_wait! you woke me up just to show me your hickeys?_

**yeah. i’ll see you tomorrow. i love you.**

_you’re weird. i love you, too. See you in the morning._

Before he put his phone down, he saved the pictures.

~~~~

For the next week, instead of spending their lunch periods walking around the halls, Gerard and Frank spent them in the backseat of Frank's car.

"Are you aware of how cliché this is?" Gerard panted as Frank sucked on his neck.

"What? Making out in the car during your lunch period?"

"Yes. It's been done in every bad teen movie and tv show ever."

Frank sat up. "Does that mean you want me to stop?"

"Fuck no," Gerard breathed, grabbing a handful of Frank's shirt and pulling him back on top of him. He didn't hesitate to open his mouth and certainly didn't wait for an invitation to invade Frank's mouth with his tongue.

"I must say, you seem to have gotten over your aversion to frenching me," Frank said between kisses.

"Would you pass up the opportunity to make out with you?"

Frank chuckled, then started sucking on a sensitive spot under Gerard's jawbone.

Gerard writhed, rolling his entire body against Frank's because it felt so amazing.

Frank sucked harder in response.

"Fuck. Not so hard, Frank. I can only put on so much concealer before someone notices."

"But it's so fun!"

Gerard threw his head back and gasped, and the bell rung.

"We gotta go," Gerard said, pushing Frank off him and putting his sweatshirt back on.

Frank pouted, like he always did when they needed to get back to class (if it was up to Frank, they would spend every waking moment in the backseat of his car), but put his hoodie on, also.

They climbed out of the car, and walked through the doors hand-in-hand.

Nobody stared anymore. Nobody was even surprised to find out Gerard was gay.

They got a few dirty looks as they walked to Art. They were from people in their History class. People who had seen them together earlier, looking put-together and neat, but now they were together, and they were out of breath, their hair mussed, with fresh bruises sucked into their skin. They knew what these boys had been doing the in parking lot. Frank had told Gerard that the fact that everyone knew they were making out in the parking lot turned him on.

Truth be told, it kinda turned Gerard on, too. Frank was turning him into the worst kind of sexual deviant. But he'd be lying if he said he minded.

~~~~

"I'm a little surprised it hasn't started snowing yet," Gerard commented as he and Frank pulled up outside Frank's house. Frank turned off the car, but they stayed in it.

Frank leaned over, giving Gerard a long, slow kiss before they got out of the car. They never kissed where they might be seen.

Gerard started waking away.

"I'll see you later," Frank called.

Gerard stopped mid-step. "Later?"

Frank shook his head. "Tomorrow. I love you."

"I love you, too."


	23. Chapter 23

Gerard's next mid-morning wake-up call came that night, but instead of his pillow vibrating, he was woken up by a hand on his face.

He jerked himself into a sitting position when he realized that there was someone in his room. He fell back against his bed when his head collided with something hard. He knew taking the nails out of his door was a bad idea.

Instead of whoever was in his room threatening him, the unknown person said, "Ow! _Fuck!_ "

Gerard knew that voice.

"Frank?" He called out in the darkness.

"Yes, sir," Frank responded and Gerard could hear the smirk in his voice.

"What time is it?" Gerard asked, his words still slurred with sleep.

"A little after 3."

"Why are you in my bedroom?"

There was a small chuckle, and the weight of Frank climbing on Gerard's lap. He wrapped his arms around Gerard's neck and pulled him close, and Gerard kissed him greedily.

"You've got a hard fucking head," Frank whispered against Gerard's lips.

"Your fault. What are you doing here?"

Frank chuckled again. "Get dressed," he demanded, and with a final kiss, climbed off Gerard's lap.

"Why?" He asked warily.

"Do you trust me?"

Gerard rolled his eyes. "You _know_ I do."

"Then get dressed. Oh, and bring what you're planning on wearing to school today."

"Why?"

"Just do it!"

"Frank, I'm tired."

"You can sleep in the car. Lets go!"

"Where are we going?"

Frank leaned down and stuck his face in Gerard's. Gerard knew this because he could smell the mint from Frank's breath.

"Gerard Way. I love you, but if you question me one more time, I swear I'm going 'domestic violence' on your ass."

Gerard laughed, and Frank pecked him on the lips.

"Now will you please just trust me and get dressed?"

Gerard rolled his eyes again and climbed outta bed. Frank, on the other hand, sat back down in Gerard's bed. Clearly, he didn't have any intention of leaving so Gerard could change.

Gerard, who had been sleeping in pajama pants and an old t-shirt, was paralyzed for a moment with the thought that Frank was gonna watch him change. Then he relaxed when he realized that his room was pitch black, and Frank couldn't possibly see him. Still, he turned his back to Frank when he took his shirt off.

With a spare set of clothes tucked in his backpack, he and Frank crept their way upstairs.

"Grab a notebook."

Gerard figured it'd be better to not resist, so he grabbed the notebook they kept by the microwave for miscellaneous uses, and flipped it open to the first blank page.

Frank dictated, and Gerard just wrote.

"Ma, went into school early with Frank. I have a huge project due that I wanna get a head start on. I'll see you later. Love, Gerard."

Gerard wrote it down word-for-word, then ripped the page out and stuck it on the fridge.

Frank grabbed his hand and led him outside, to where his car was idling in the driveway.

~~~~

Gerard took Frank's 'sleep in the car' comment seriously, curling up in the passengers seat, and setting his head on the cold window. Frank kept his radio low so it wouldn't wake him.

When Gerard did finally wake up, it was Frank running his hand through his hair.

"Wake up, babe."

Gerard sat up and rubbed his eyes. The first thing he did was look at the clock in Frank's dashboard. It was 4:30.

"Where are we?" Gerard asked groggily.

Frank didn't answer, he just grabbed Gerard's hand and helped him out of the car. There was a warm breeze, which was weird, because it was the middle of November.

"Take your shoes off," Frank ordered, and Gerard did. "Close your eyes."

Gerard did what he was told, and Frank grabbed his hand and led him away from the car. After a few step, Gerard began to feel the grains of sand beneath his feet.

"Where the fuck?"

Frank chuckled, and led Gerard even further. The sand turned wet, sticking to his feet. Frank stopped suddenly, standing behind Gerard and wrapping his arms around him.

He stood on his tiptoes and whispered, "Open 'em," in Gerard's ear.

Gerard opened his eyes slowly, and gasped at the beautiful sunrise he saw across the lake.

"Wow," he whispered, and Frank gripped him tighter. Gerard looked around at the lake. They were in someone's backyard, standing next to a small dock.

"Frank, it's gorgeous."

"I figured an artist would appreciate it."

"Shit! I wish we would've brought my sketchbook!"

Frank turned him around so that they were facing each other.

"Another time. Today, we're here for another reason."

Gerard cocked an eyebrow. "Why?"

Frank grabbed Gerard's hand again and led him down the small dock, to the very edge.

"Gerard, I didn't just bring you here today for the sunrise."

"Why'd you bring me?"

Frank took a deep breath, blushing fiercely. "Gerard, I love you."

"I love you, too."

"And I'm not trying to insult you or embarrass you. But, I've noticed something."

Gerard gulped. "What?"

"Your reluctance to take your clothes off around me."

Gerard sighed. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be! It's okay to be scared. But babe, there's nothing to be afraid of. You're so fucking gorgeous. I still marvel at my luck. You're beautiful and I don't want you to feel self-conscious around me."

Gerard shrugged. "I can't help it. I wasn't the skinniest kid."

"Is _that_ it? Gerard, I don't care about that shit. Do you see me sporting a six-pack?"

Gerard smiled.

"I don't care. Gerard, you are absolutely, hands-down the single most beautiful person I've ever met. And I bet that you are just as gorgeous with your shirt off."

Gerard chewed on his lip nervously.

"So. To get over your aversion to taking your clothes off around me," he trailed off, pulling his shirt off.

"Frank, what are you doing?"

Frank took a step back, and quickly pulled off the basketball shorts he was wearing, and his boxers. Gerard's jaw dropped as Frank ran off the end of the pier and jumped into the lake.

"Are you fucking crazy?" Gerard yelled as he resurfaced. "Anybody could see you!"

Frank shook his head playfully. "This is my aunt and uncle's house. They're in Miami for a month."

"You could get in trouble."

Frank scoffed and floated on his back. "I don't care. My boyfriend says I'm a little too impulsive."

"He sounds intelligent," Gerard said, struggling to keep his eyes on Frank's upper half.

Frank somersaulted in the water, and stuck his head back out. "Are you gonna come in?"

Gerard chuckled, shaking his head. "No. You're insane."

"Oh, don't be so lame! When are you gonna have another chance to go skinny-dipping with me and watch a sunrise on the lake at the same time?"

Gerard couldn't beat Frank's logic. Every part of him wanted to get in the water with Frank. But there was still that part that didn't want Frank to see him naked.

Frank stuck his bottom lip out and pouted. "Please come in the water with me?" His eyes were big and the way his hair looked dripping water down his face was gorgeous.

Gerard sighed, and even though there was still a nagging at his mind, he brushed it off, telling it that Frank loved him the way he was, and that there wasn't anything to be scared of around him.

Gerard peeled off his shirt and pulled down his jeans.

He followed Frank, leaping off the dock, plunging into the chilly water. When his head broke the surface, he almost screamed.

"Jesus, Frank! It's fucking freezing! Were you gonna warn me?"

Frank just shrugged, and swam his way over to Gerard. "This'll make an amazing story to tell GSA."

"No. We're not telling _anyone_ about this. I'm debating on whether or not to give you a lobotomy so you _can't_ tell."

Frank wrapped his arms around Gerard's neck.

"You taste like lake water," Frank said after a long kiss.

"Ew, so do you," Gerard said, chuckling.

Frank kissed Gerard's shoulder as he ran his fingers over Gerard's body. Up his back, down his chest, stomach and thighs, then from the back of his knees all the way up to his shoulder blades.

"Frank..." Gerard moaned.

"So does this mean you're comfortable being naked around me now?"

Gerard smiled, wrapping his arms around Frank and hugging him tightly, fitting their bodies together. He gasped a little at how much of Frank's skin he felt against his own, but he just kissed Frank.

Frank wrapped his fingers in Gerard's hair. "I guess that's a 'yes'," he said, before he captured Gerard lips again in a heated kiss.

~~~~

Thank god Frank had the forethought to bring towels. After a pretty intense make-out in the water, they were both cold enough to get out of said water immediately.

Gerard didn't feel any self-consciousness as he redressed himself. He didn't even care that Frank was watching him as he struggled to pull his clothes over his still-wet body.

He didn't care, because while Frank put his clothes back on, Gerard couldn't keep his eyes off every inch of Frank's bare skin he could see. The kid was pale and shimmering with droplets of water, and Gerard wanted to reach out and run his fingers over every inch of him. So he did, lightly dragging the very tips of his fingers down Frank's chest and up his back, across his collarbone (which was marked purple, because it had become one of Gerard's favorite places to put hickeys), down his arms and back up, down his sides, across his waist where his jeans sat. Frank shivered, just standing still as Gerard memorized his body.

"Are you cold?" Gerard whispered.

Frank chuckled. "No, that feels amazing."

"You," Gerard whispered, pressing a soft kiss to Frank's jaw, "Are perfect. Thank you. I needed this."

"It wasn't completely selfless."

"I know. But still, thank you."

Frank wrapped his arms around Gerard's shirtless back, and hugged him tightly.

~~~~

"What kind of project were you working on?" Donna asked when Gerard came home that afternoon.

"It's a research essay for World Lit. We have to pick one non-American author and write an essay about his life and his writing."

"Oh?" Donna asked, sipping her coffee.

"Who'd you pick?" Donald asked.

Gerard turned away and smirked. Knowing it would annoy his parents, he replied with, "Oscar Wilde," before he walked down to his basement.


	24. Chapter 24

"Hey, Mom," Gerard said as he walked through the door that Friday afternoon.

"Hey, Mrs. Way," Frank said as he followed on Gerard's heels.

"Hi, Gerard. Hi, Frank," Donna said, not looking up from her cookbook.

Gerard peeked over her shoulder. "How was your day?"

Donna cocked an eyebrow. "Fine. What's wrong with you? You never ask about my day."

Gerard shrugged. "I don't know. I'm just in a good mood today. Don't kill my buzz!"

Actually, Gerard was in a good mood because he and Frank had skipped 7th period, spending the entire 45 minutes in Frank's car down the street, and since Gerard had gotten over his fear of being shirtless around Frank, his entire collarbone and both his shoulders were covered in hickeys. So were Frank's.

At that moment, Frank's phone rang.

"What the hell do you want?" Was how he answered the phone. Donna's jaw dropped.

"I want you to get your skinny little ass home!" It was loud enough that Gerard and Donna could hear it.

Donna looked at Gerard in shock.

"Linda. They always start their phone conversations like that."

Donna shook her head.

"What's up, Mom?" Frank asked politely.

Linda laughed. "Nothing. I've got another overnight at the hospital tonight, and I have to leave soon."

"Can–"

"Of course Gerard can stay the night with you. That's is, if it's alright with his mother."

Frank looked at Gerard hopefully, and Gerard looked at his mother. She rolled her eyes.

"Fine. It's not a school night."

"Sweet! We'll be home in a couple minutes."

"All right. See you then."

~~~~

Surprisingly, they didn't spend the entire night connected at the mouth. Gerard was honestly shocked.

Instead, they went to the video store and rented two bags full of DVDs, which included The Nightmare Before Christmas, Mamma Mia!, Jaws, Leprechaun, and Monsters, Inc. The look the clerk gave them when ringing up their diverse movie collection had them both laughing hysterically.

They stayed in the rest of the night, ordering pizza and snuggling up on the couch together. Obviously, Sinatra laid on the couch with them.

Frank started making fun of Gerard when he commented about how sad the end of Monsters, Inc. was.

"It's one of his best friends! He's grown so attached to Boo, and now she's leaving, and he'll probably never see her again! It's really sad."

Frank just stared at Gerard, his mouth hanging open.

"What?"

Frank rolled his eyes. "You are entirely too gay," he said as he slinked to the floor to change the movie.

"Why don't you put on Leprechaun? It'll give you something to relate to; being three feet tall," Gerard quipped, sticking his tongue out.

"Oh, ha ha!" Frank laughed sarcastically. "Like I didn't think you would make that joke!"

He nestled himself back under Gerard, slinging his arm around Gerard's shoulder.

"If it makes you feel any better," Gerard whispered in his ear, "I think you're much sexier that Warwick Davis."

"I think so, too," he whispered back, kissing Gerard.

That first kiss was the catalyst, and soon Gerard was seated in Frank's lap, tugging on his shirt and moaning as Frank ran his tongue over every available inch of his mouth.

"Do you wanna go upstairs?" Frank asked against Gerard's mouth.

Gerard nodded. As comfortable as he was with making out with Frank, he was still a bit uncomfortable doing it in such an open place. Frank's room was safe. There was one window, more than 10 feet away from Frank's bed. Nobody could see even if they were trying to.

Frank let Sinatra out once more for the night, then ran up to his attic with Gerard.

Gerard decided he wasn't holding back tonight, ripping Frank's shirt off as soon as they closed the attic door. He was comfortable with making out, and he wasn't self-conscious about his body anymore. He wanted more than their usual heated make out tonight.

Frank giggled a little as Gerard kissed the bruises he'd left on his chest earlier,

"You bruise so easily. I feel like I could turn your whole body purple," Gerard said, biting down on what he knew was a particularly sore hickey. Frank moaned, and his knees gave out. Good thing they were already to his bed.

"Is it weird that I wouldn't mind?"

"Not at all," Gerard said as he laid Frank down and climbed on top of him. Frank helped him take his shirt off, and it was thrown away in a hurry as Frank tilted his hips, throwing Gerard off balance and sending him falling onto Frank. He took the opportunity to bite down on Gerard's shoulder, which made him gasp and curse.

"Fuck! You've got sharp teeth, kid. I think you might draw blood."

"Ooh, vampire role-play!" Frank teased.

Gerard kissed a line from Frank's mouth down his chest and stomach, where he kissed the soft spot right above the hem of his jeans. He worked on kissing the sensitive spot as he unbuttoned and unzipped Frank's jeans. Frank lifted his hips so Gerard could slide his jeans off. Afterward, Frank got to his knees so he could return the favor for Gerard, until they were separated by only two thin pairs of boxers.

Frank lightly trailed his fingers down Gerard's side, hooking just the tips of them under the waistband of his boxers. Gerard smiled, kissed Frank, and helped him take off his last remaining article of clothing.

Frank laid back down, Gerard still straddling him, and continued to kiss every inch of Gerard's throat, chest, shoulders and stomach he could reach.

Gerard smiled, because he could feel Frank twitch through his boxers. He was hard, they both were. Gerard knew what the action could possibly lead to, but he still lifted his weight off Frank's lap so he could finally pull his boxers off, too. They sat in a fear-induced paralysis for a moment, both breathing heavily. Gerard gradually sat back down on Frank's lap, and Frank gasped.

"Are you okay?" Gerard asked, worried he was hurting him.

Frank bit his lip and shuddered, and Gerard felt him twitch again. "I'm fine. Holy fuck, Gerard. It's just... Feeling you, all of you... It's almost overwhelming."

Gerard smiled. He repositioned himself so that he was sitting on Frank's thighs, making all of him fully visible to both of them. Gerard tentatively reached out, drawing the tip of one finger up his length, and Frank moaned.

"Jesus Christ! God, that feels amazing!"

Gerard bit his lip, nervous as he traded one finger for his palm, closing his hand around Frank, and pumping him twice. Frank rolled his entire body, and Gerard took notice of the noises he was making. Moaning and gasping, he grabbed Gerard's wrist, stopping the movement.

"Stop! If you don't, I'm gonna..." He talked of with a blissful smile.

Gerard smiled, a bit satisfied with the fact that even though this was his first sexual activity with anyone but himself, he still almost made Frank climax.

Instead, Frank directed Gerard to make his way back to where he was originally, straddling Frank's lap.

"I... I–" Frank whispered breathlessly.

"Shh," Gerard demanded. "It's okay. I do, too."

Frank smiled weakly, and kissed Gerard. He drew his fingers down Gerard's back, even lower, until Gerard was grunting and moaning as Frank carefully, cautiously prepped him. Even though Gerard was inexperienced, he'd seen enough porn to know the process, and know what had to be done.

Gerard tried to bite his lip to keep from moaning as Frank finally entered him, but the moan came out anyway.

"Are you okay?" Frank asked, struggling to keep still for Gerard's sake.

"I'm fine, just move. Do something."

Frank happily obliged, starting his movement slowly and softly. But it wasn't long until Gerard was comfortable with the sensation of being filled, and was begging him to go faster.

Then Frank tilted his hips a certain way, and Gerard almost blacked out because it felt so good.

He moaned and told him to go even faster, even harder. With both of them cursing and moaning, it wasn't long before they were both climaxing, Gerard moaning Frank's name, and Frank moaning Gerard's.

As Gerard settled onto Frank's chest and slipped into unconsciousness, he quickly apologized to Linda for breaking her 'No sex in the house' rule.


	25. Chapter 25

>

When Gerard woke up the next morning, it was to callused fingers running gently up and down his bare back.

He yawned and they stopped for a second, but started again almost immediately.

Gerard opened one eye slowly, then the other. He was lying on his stomach, still naked, his head on Frank's chest. When he inhaled deeply, he smelled menthol cigarette smoke. He turned his head, and saw Frank smiling gently at him.

"Can I have a drag of that?" He asked groggily, reaching for Frank's cigarette. Frank willingly released it, and Gerard took two long pulls before giving it back.

Frank laughed. "I feel like sharing a post-coital cigarette is kinda cliché."

Gerard laughed, too, and kissed Frank's chest softly. "I don't care." He noticed that Frank was still dragging his nails over and over his back. "What are you doing?" He asked, nodding toward his back. Frank's arm stopped immediately.

"I'm sorry. It's just... You have, um," He cleared his throat nervously. "Scratches. Down your back. I was just tracing them. I don't even remember making them."

Gerard smiled. "Me, neither."

"How do you feel?" Frank asked, still nervous.

Gerard flexed his limbs, pleasantly surprised that he wasn't in nearly as much pain as he'd assumed he would be from all the articles he'd read online. That being said, he wasn't in euphoria, either. "Below my waist is a pretty sore," He confessed, and Frank's face fell until he added, "In a good way."

Frank scoffed. "Mine, too. In a good way."

Gerard crawled up to Frank's face, and kissed him gently. 

"Worth the pain?" Frank asked.

"Definitely," Gerard answered, nuzzling Frank's nose with his own.

~~~~

It was a unanimous decision that they probably shouldn't be lying in bed together naked when Linda came home, so shortly after they finished their cigarette, they got dressed (Frank laughed at Gerard's struggles to put his jeans back on without moving his ass too much) and curled up on the couch together to finish their movies. They hadn't even started Leprechaun the night before.

Frank kept cracking jokes about Gerard's ass, asking him if he wanted a bag of ice to sit on. Gerard just glared.

"Yeah, keep making jokes, Iero. See if I ever sleep with you again."

Frank stopped laughing then, kissing Gerard softly. "I'm sorry. So... Losing your virginity. Was it like you imagined it would be?"

"It hurt a little more than I expected. But I'm glad I lost it to you."

Frank smiled and blushed. "Did you have any idea that last night was gonna be the night?"

Gerard shrugged. "I knew I wanted to do something more than just making out. I never imagined it would've been sleeping with you."

"Do you regret it?"

"Nope. Do you?"

"Not at all. I'm glad I never gave in to James, because last night was the most amazing night of my life."

"Mine too," Gerard said with a smile before he kissed Frank.

~~~~

Frank and Gerard were still cuddled together on the couch, kissing lazily when Linda walked in. She fell into a chair in the living room, and blew out a forceful breath.

"You would not believe the night I've had!"

Gerard bit his cheek, trying not to smile, or say something stupid like, 'We had a tiring night, too.'

"I better get home," Gerard said softly. 

Frank pouted, but stood anyway.

"Bye, Linda!" Gerard called as he and Frank walked toward the front door. Linda mumbled something back, but Gerard had no idea what she said.

As soon as they were out the door, Gerard dropped Frank's hand.

Frank made a noise, and Gerard noticed that he was frowning.

"What?"

He shook his head. "Nothing, I just..." He took a deep breath. "I hate this!" He said, throwing his hands up. "I hate not being able to kiss you in the middle of the street. I hate not being able to hold your hand if we're in range of your house. I hate that I can't come sneak into your bed at night in case your parents come wake you up in the morning. I hate having to sneak around and lie and keep secrets from your family. I love you, Gerard. More than anyone else in the world, and I hate that I can't say that in front of your family."

Gerard heart crumbled under the weight of Frank's confession. He never really thought that keeping the relationship a secret was taking such a toll on Frank.

"Frank, I'm sorry. I didn't know this was so hard on you."

"No, I'm sorry," Frank said, shaking his head. "I didn't mean to unleash on you. It's just... I wanna be able to hold you and kiss you whenever I want."

"I know. Trust me, I do too. Seven months. We can make it seven months. Can't we?"

Frank nodded sadly, and tried to smile, but it was still a grimace.

"I love you."

"I love you, too," Frank whispered as he hugged Gerard. "I'll see you later," he said, turning and walking back home.

Gerard blew out a heavy breath.

~~~~

He decided that night that he wanted to initiate the 4 am texting. He pulled his phone from under his pillow.

_wake up._

The reply didn't come until about 5 minutes later.

**geeard? What's upp? Is seomthing wrong?**

Gerard laughed as he read the text. Frank was obviously still half-asleep.

_no. I just wanted to talk to you_

**you couldnt wait until I was awake?**

_oh, really? how does it feel?_

**bite me.**

_gladly. ;)_

**freak.**

Gerard sighed as he typed out his next message.

_im really sorry about this afternoon. i know that keeping this secret is hard on you. i never really thought about how difficult this was for you. i guess thats kinda selfish. but im so used to pretending and hiding around my family. i guess i just didnt think about the fact that youre not_

**Its totally okay. i get it. i overreacted. i'm sorry if i upset you.**

_you didnt. im sorry we have to keep our relationship secret._

The nest message came in four parts.

**youre an idiot and a nerd and i love you. even with all your weirdness, and there is a lot =), you are the most amazing person ive ever met. youre sweet and caring and talented and funny and gorgeous and just all-around perfect. you knew me all of about four or five days, and you risked yourself to protect me from my father. im blessed to have you in my life, let alone to have you as my boyfriend. i dont care what we have to hide from who. id keep this relationship a secret from anyone, as long as we still have a relationship. i love you, Gerard. nothing will ever change that.**

Gerard sniffled. He wiped his face, and only then did he notice that Frank's words had brought tears to his eyes.

_youre absolutely amazing, Frank. i love you more than ive ever loved anyone else. im so glad that i found you. im ecstatic that i met someone who could love me for me._

**i do. wholeheartedly.**

_ok, you can go to sleep now._

**i love you. good night.**

_]i love you, too. good night._


	26. Chapter 26

The next morning, Gerard did something he hadn't done in years; he crawled under his bed and grabbed the old, beat-up acoustic guitar he'd shoved under there almost three years ago.

As he cradled it in his lap, he remembered the last time he'd even thought about it.

He was barely 15, and wanted more than anything to be in a band. Elena had bought the guitar second-hand from a flea market near her house. He spent every waking moment trying to learn how to contort his fingers to make the right noises, but no matter how hard he tried, the sounds were always distorted and wrong. But he was still enamored with the magic of the instrument. Then, one day, the chords aligned, and the music sounded the way it should. Gerard felt like he was ready, and auditioned for a local punk band. He was laughed out of the room when he couldn't play anything other than two power chords. That day, he ran through the front door, down the stairs to his bedroom, and threw the guitar under his bed, leaving it to gather dust. He had given up on music.

But today, for some reason, he'd curled up on the floor, set the guitar on his lap, and tried to remember the few chords he knew. He strummed softly, pleasantly surprised that it sounded almost normal. The guitar needed to be tuned, but other than that, the chords were coming almost naturally to him.

He lost himself in the music, putting together the few chords he knew, shocking himself when he realized that it didn't sound that horrible. It didn't sound that great, either.

He nearly jumped from his cross-legged position on the floor when suddenly there were two cold hands pressed against his neck.

"Jesus!" He screamed, and heard Frank's high-pitched cackle from behind him.

He turned his head and sure enough, there was Frank, perched on the edge of his bed wearing (shock!) ripped jeans, and, Gerard was pleasantly surprised to see, his hoodie.

"Morning," Frank said, and leaned down for a kiss, but Gerard turned away.

"Open door," he whispered, nodding towards his half-open bedroom door. The sound of talking and the smell of coffee wafted down the stairs.

Frank straightened up, and Gerard thought he looked upset. But before he could apologize, Frank had slid off the bed and nestled himself behind Gerard.

"What were you playing?"

Gerard shrugged. "Nothing, really. Just stringing together a few chords I know."

"It sounded good. Out of tune, but it was nice."

Gerard chuckled. "It was remedial. A five-year-old could've done it."

Frank rolled his eyes. "Strum the top string."

Gerard did, and Frank turned the tuning key, changing the tone until it sounded like a low E should. Gerard was impressed that Frank knew the correct tuning by ear.

"Put your finger here," He directed next, pointing to the fifth fret on the first string. Gerard placed his finger where he was told, and strummed the top two strings. Again, Frank turned the tuning key until the notes matched.

It took less than 5 minutes to tune the guitar, thanks to Frank's musical expertise.

Frank covered Gerard's hand on the fretboard with his own, and wrapped his right arm around Gerard until his hand draped over Gerard's. He moved his and Gerard's fingers until they were contorted and stretched over four frets.

"Strum."

Gerard did, then smiled at the sound his guitar made. It was beautiful.

"Wow. I guess tuning makes a big difference."

Frank smiled, moving their fingers in tandem as he and Gerard played a random song stashed away in Frank's, what Gerard assumed was pretty sizeable, song cache.

"Why didn't you tell me you could play guitar?" 

Gerard shrugged. "I really can't. I only know a few chords. Plus, I can't sing and play guitar at the same time, and I'd rather sing."

"Hm," Frank hummed, and Gerard thought it sounded evil.

Frank slid the guitar from Gerard's lap into his. He looked almost pleadingly at Gerard, and suddenly it clicked. Gerard shook his head vehemently.

"Oh, no. Not gonna happen. I don't sing in front of people. Not even my family."

"Have you sang in front of Elena?"

"Well, yeah, but..." He trailed off.

Frank refused to crack, staring Gerard down with large, sparkling eyes, until Gerard finally had to look away.

"No," He said, turning his head to look at the wall. He knew Frank was still giving him those puppy dog eyes.

Frank started playing something, and Gerard recognized it almost instantly. He knew exactly when the drums should've kicked in. He then cursed his lack of a spine, and drew in a deep breath.

"Winter is here again, oh, Lord," He sang, softly. He kept his eyes on the floor. He knew Frank could barely hear him, but he continued, getting gradually louder when he realized that Frank wasn't gonna laugh at or ridicule his poor excuse for a voice.

"Haven't been home in a year or more. I hope she holds on a little longer."

Frank kept playing, not looking at his fingers. Instead, he was smiling at Gerard. He looked almost like he was impressed with Gerard's voice. So Gerard let loose, putting all the power he had into his voice. So far, the only person that had heard him sing with his full voice was Elena.

"Sent a letter on a long summer day. Made of silver, not of clay. Ooh, I've been runnin' down this dusty road."

Frank joined him for the chorus, keeping his voice soft, just adding a background voice.

"Ooh, The wheel in the sky keeps on turnin'. I don't know where I'll be tomorrow. Wheel in the sky keeps on turnin'."

Frank finished the song with a flourish, and then turned to Gerard.

"You sing beautifully."

"You are an amazing guitar player."

Frank scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Journey isn't that hard. But thanks."

They stayed that way for a moment, just staring in awe at each other. Gerard finally got up the courage to lean on for a kiss.

"You boys sounded very good together."

Gerard and Frank jumped apart, and Gerard hoped to god that whoever was at his door didn't see them kiss.

Then he looked toward his door, and breathed a sigh of relief.

"Elena!" He yelled, hopping up and running to hug her. She gripped him tightly, then walked over and hugged Frank.

"Hi, darlings. What are you doing in here?"

"Nothing."

"Didn't look like nothing," Elena joked, raising an eyebrow.

Both Gerard and Frank turned red.

"So, Gerard," Elena teased, "Is there anything you wanna tell me?"

Gerard rolled his eyes and blushed even more. He walked over to where Frank was sitting on his bed and sat next to him. He conspicuously linked his and Frank's hands.

Elena smiled, whispered "I thought so," and left the room.

~~~~

Frank stayed over for dinner that night. Elena was quick, shooting Gerard knowing glances whenever he and Frank would touch. They had perfected touching casually and nonchalantly at school. A brush of the hands, a quick resting of a hand on the other's waist, sitting or standing close enough that their arms touched. Elena caught every bit of contact, accidental or premeditated, between them. And it seemed like every time she noticed, her smile got bigger and more smug.


	27. Chapter 27

When Frank made it to his car that Thursday, Gerard was on his knees, digging through his backpack.

"Are you okay?"

"No," Gerard said angrily. He stood and sighed, putting his hands on his hips. "I can't find my phone."

"When was the last time you had it?"

"I could've sworn I had it this morning in History. But I already went back and checked Ms. Barrett's room. So someone must have seen it and taken it."

Frank shrugged. "It's replaceable, isn't it?"

"Yeah, but there were texts and pictures and notes on that that I really don't wanna lose."

He blew out a deep breath and watched his breath dissipate in the cold wind.

Frank came up behind him and hugged him tightly.

"We'll find it. Don't worry. You're gonna make yourself bald. And you know how much I love your hair."

Gerard smiled and turned in Frank's arms, giving him a kiss. Frank wrapped his fingers tightly in Gerard's hair, tugging softly.

They had found out just a few days earlier that Gerard liked getting his hair pulled. He liked getting his hair pulled, the pain of receiving hickeys, and when Frank left scratches on him.

Gerard gave a slight moan, running his tongue over Frank's lip ring. He had to physically step away, or he knew he'd never detach from Frank. He slid into the passenger's seat, and Frank followed him.

~~~~

Frank had promised to help Gerard look through his room, so instead of them heading to Frank's, they both walked across the street towards Gerard's house.

"Here, I'll call it," Frank offered. He pressed a few buttons, and held the phone up to his ear. "It's ringing."

"Yeah, I can hear it," Gerard said as he opened the front door. Frank's ringtone was playing loudly somewhere close.

Frank followed Gerard through the door, closing it behind him. When he turned around, he froze, eyes wide in shock.

"Frank?" Gerard asked, turning around to see what had frightened him so badly. When he did, he froze also. 

Standing in the middle of the living room were his parents. That immediately said something was wrong. They both should've been at work. Then Gerard saw where the music was coming from. In Donald's hand was Gerard's small silver phone. Frank hung up his phone, sticking it back in his pocket. The music stopped, leaving the four of them standing in a tense, awkward silence. Frank sneakily set his hand on the small of Gerard's back.

"Gerard, we need to have a talk," Donna said, angrily.

Gerard said a Hail Mary in his mind, and swallowed the bile that was bubbling up in the back of his throat.

"Frank, I think you should leave," Donald suggested, though his tone of voice was anything but polite.

Frank shot a look at Gerard as he turned and unlocked the door. Gerard had never seen him so worried, his eyes so full of fear. Not even when his father was towering over him with a hand raised to strike.

The door shut with a quiet thud, and Gerard started to shake with fear.

"Do you think we're idiots?" Donna asked.

Gerard didn't answer. He just focused on his heavy breathing and tried not to pass out. He knew what this was, and he still couldn't believe it. It was being outed by Mikey all over again.

"What is this about?" Donald asked, tossing Gerard's phone at his feet.

The fear that was causing him convulse was subsiding. Now he was shaking with rage.

"You went through my texts?"

"We have a right as your parents."

"That's bullshit! I bought that phone, and I pay the bill. You have no rights to it at all. It's _mine_."

"We can have the 'Mine' argument later," Donald said, scowling. "This is about you. And Frank."

"What about me and Frank?"

Donna scoffed. "Well, according to the disturbing messages we saw, you're... Together." She shuddered as she ended her sentence.

That pissed Gerard off.

"Why can't you just say it, mom? I'm gay. _Gay!_ " he screamed. "You raised a fucking fag! Proud of yourself?" He knew as much as his parents hated gays, hearing their son referred to as a fag, even by himself, hurt a little. Gay or not, he was still their son.

"But you said... You told us that–"

"That I had seen the light? That I was saved? That I had renounced my life of sin for the heterosexual path of the God-fearing folk? Sorry to disappoint, Dad, but Mikey's not the only person in this house capable of lying to you."

"How could you?"

"How could _I_? How could _you_ , Mom? How could you threaten to just expel your firstborn son from your life? For the simple fact that he doesn't like tits! If that doesn't make you question your parenting, you're an idiot."

"You had better watch your mouth, Gerard. The ice you're on is paper-thin, young man."

"I don't care anymore, Mom. I'm gay. I'm sorry that you're uncomfortable with that, but its the way it is. I can't change, and I don't want to. Frank is the perfect boyfriend. He gives me everything that you and dad don't! Like unconditional love and support. An unbiased and non-judging ear when I need one."

"And a dick to suck," Donald spat.

"Why do you care? My being with Frank does not affect you in any way! It's not turning you gay! I'm not leaving gay porn lying around the house! My relationship isn't threatening yours and Mom's marriage! It's not turning me into a serial killer. We don't gather with other gays every Friday night to meet under a full moon, drink blood, have orgies and sacrifice virgins!"

"We don't wanna know what you and Frank do. It's disgusting."

"Mom, it's–"

"Make a choice, Gerard."

Gerard took a step backward, as if the statement was an object thrown at him.

Though he already knew, he asked anyway. "What does that mean, Dad?"

"The same thing it meant last time. If you wanna be gay, be gay somewhere else. If you wanna keep seeing Frank, leave. As soon as possible."

"How can you do that?" He asked softly. He was still angry, but now he was torn. His eyes welled with tears.

"If you love us, you'll stay."

"If you loved me, you wouldn't ask me to choose."

When he tried to look his mother in the eyes, she looked away.

"I can't," He whispered, looking down at the carpet. "Regardless of this shit, you're my parents, and I love you more than anyone. But I'm _in love_ with Frank."

Donna drew in a sharp breath, like hearing her son admit his love to another man knocked the wind out of her.

"'More than anyone' means more than Frank."

"I don't know who I love more, Dad."

He smiled smugly. "You haven't left yet. That means you love us more. You know you do, Gerard. Just tell Frank you can't see him anymore, and it'll all be over."

"No, it won't. I'll still be gay. With or without Frank."

"No. If you stay away, eventually you'll be straight again." He was almost pleading. Begging.

"It doesn't work like that."

"We'll make it work. You have a choice to make."

The tears in Gerard's eyes fell. "I don't know if I can do that."

"You can. We know you can."

"This is really fucked up, Mom. _You're_ really fucked up. Dad, too. Do you see the pain you're inflicting on me? Frank would _never_ ask me to choose between you or him. Normal parents can't just stand by and watch their son writhe in anguish between three of the people he loves most in the world."

"Normal children wouldn't hurt their parents like this," Donna rebutted, and her own tears fell. Donald just stood behind her, his face a mask.

"For fuck's sake, Mom!" He screamed, throwing his backpack down the stairs and into his bedroom. "I'm not doing this specifically to hurt you. Unlike you and Dad," he said as he turned to walk downstairs.

"You used to be such a good kid," Donna sobbed.

Gerard stopped mid-step and turned back around. He scoffed. "What a coincidence. You guys used to be such good parents. I guess people change, don't they?"

With that, he slammed the door as hard as he could and sprinted down the stairs, flinging himself on his bed and burying his face in his pillow. He screamed and cried and sobbed, but the pillow did nothing. He was sure Frank could hear him from his place. 

He rolled over about an hour later, his face and now his pillow soaked with tears. He was still shaking with sobs. He clutched at his stomach. He felt like he was gonna throw up. Give up Frank? Or give up his parents? He couldn't choose. Even thinking about it gave him a migraine. But Donald was right. He didn't choose Frank immediately. Did that mean he chose his family?

He sniffled, hoping that if he calmed down, the roaring ache in his chest would go away. The thought of not having Frank anymore caused him physical pain.

He stared out his window, looking for an answer amongst the grey clouds. Though everything was blurred with tears, he could still tell when the snow began to fall, and just a few days shy of December 1st.

He chuckled sarcastically.

"Merry fucking Christmas," he whispered to himself. He rolled back over and continued to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel so evil because as I was adding this chapter, I was grinning like crazy because I knew you'd all be angry with me. But hey, you had to know it was coming!


	28. Chapter 28

He stayed in his room all night. He didn't turn on the light. He didn't change. He didn't open his door, even when Mikey tried to make sure he ate something. He waited until the early hours of the morning, when he was sure everyone was asleep to go shower.

He stood for an hour in the shower, letting the scalding water pour over his head and down his back. It was so hot, it turned his skin red. He almost couldn't see the scratches he had on his shoulders from Frank. Though theithey had only had sex the one time, they weren't exactly abstinent. And Frank left marks on Gerard quite often.

Gerard shook his head like a dog, splashing the shower curtain with drops of water. His hair, that was seconds ago plastered to his face was now sticking out in every direction imaginable. As the water dropped from the strands, they fell back into place on his face.

When he finally got out, he got dressed in the clothes he had chosen for school the next morning and walked back down to his bedroom, stopping to grab his phone from where it was still laying on the floor in the living room.

He flipped it open. It was 5:28 in the morning. As he looked through his texts, he saw that all the texts from Frank, and even Frank as a contact had been deleted.

It was like the decision was already made for him. He felt the water in his eyes again, and sobbed quietly. He was tired of crying. He wanted his boyfriend, and his parents. Why couldn't he have both?

When he opened the door to his bedroom, he saw that Mikey was dressed and sitting on his bed.

"Hey," he said quietly. Sadly.

Gerard tried to muster a smile, but his lips barely twitched.

"Mom and Dad told me what happened. I'm so sorry, Gee."

Gerard shrugged. "This time it wasn't your fault." His voice was hoarse, either from haven't spent the last 12 hours sobbing, or not speaking.

Mikey slid over and Gerard took the invitation, sitting next to him on his small bed.

Mikey wrapped his arm around Gerard's shoulders.

"For the record, I think what they're asking of you is really fucking shitty."

Gerard sniffed. "Me, too, Mikes. I don't fucking know what to do," he exhaled, wiping his tears away.

Mikey pulled Gerard into his arms, hugging him tightly. "I don't know, either, Gee. I wish you didn't have to choose. I hate just standing by and knowing you're enduring emotional torture. I wish I could convince Mom and Dad to stop it. But you know they never will. If it makes you feel better, I don't care. I'm glad that you found someone that makes you happy, male or otherwise."

"Thanks, Mikes. I love Frank. The way you love Aly. What would you do if Mom and Dad made you choose?"

"I don't know that I could. I'm sorry."

Gerard buried his face in Mikey's chest, and Mikey ran his fingers through his clean, wet hair.

"What are you gonna do?" Mikey whispered.

Gerard sat up and hugged his knees. "I don't..." He sighed. "I'm scared. I'm too afraid to leave. Unlike Mom and Dad, I can't just throw some of the most important people in my life away. But I don't wanna lose Frank."

"This sucks, Gerard."

"Tell me about it."

~~~~

Donald walked into Gerard's room at 6:30. He didn't notice, or he didn't care that Gerard was still crying on Mikey's shoulder.

"Gerard, I'm taking you and Mikey to school today. Let's go."

Mikey shook his head in disgust at Donald, and walked upstairs after him, gripping Gerard's hand tightly the whole time.

Gerard stared out the window at the grey sky the whole time. He grimaced every time they passed a black Honda Civic.

~~~~

There were barely any students at school yet, so Gerard clung to Mikey the whole way to his first hour class. Mikey stayed with him until the bell rang, trying to keep his mind off Frank. He didn't particularly succeed.

Gerard specifically took the obscure way to classes, trying to make sure he wouldn't bump into Frank. His stomach ached and he felt like any second he'd either vomit or pass out. He could stay away from Frank in the halls, but he knew he'd have to face him eventually; in 5th hour.

He watched the hands on the clock move. They were creeping, ticking slower than Gerard had ever seen them move before. But the time was an illusion, because before he knew it, it was time for History.


	29. Chapter 29

When Gerard was nervous, he walked fast. He was in Miss Barrett's classroom less than a minute after the release bell rang. The clock ticked on the wall above him. He couldn't keep his eyes away from the door.

The second Frank walked in, he looked to his and Gerard's usual corner. When he saw Gerard, he rushed over to him, relief showing on his pale face. He wasn't wearing any eyeliner today. Though, Gerard was a little proud, and even more pained to see, he was wearing Gerard's grey hoodie.

"Thank god," Frank sighed, "Are you okay?"

He leaned down to kiss Gerard, but Gerard turned his face, ducking away. It would've hurt too much.

"Gerard? What's wrong?" Frank asked, and he was already shaking with fear. He looked like a puppy that had literally been kicked away from his mother.

Gerard looked up at him, and his eyes filled with tears. He knew this wasn't gonna be easy. For either of them. He also knew that everyone else in the room was already watching them.

"I'm sorry, Frank," he whispered.

Frank took a small step back. "Why?"

Gerard looked down at the floor. He knew it was cowardly, but he didn't wanna watch the hurt creep its way onto Frank's features.

"My parents went through my texts. They're not happy. They... _I_.... Don't think we should see each other anymore."

He heard Frank's sharp inhale, and finally decided to look at him. He was even paler than he had been a moment ago.

"You're lying. They're making you choose, aren't they?"

Gerard nodded softly, and he heard the tears splash onto the grimy linoleum. He didn't know if they were his or Frank's. "I'm sorry."

"That's bullshit, Gerard. How can you do this?"

"Please, Frank. Don't make this any harder."

"Ha!" He yelled, his voice breaking as he started crying. "Don't worry, Gerard. I'll try not to make this any harder on you."

The bell rang, but class didn't start. Instead, everyone, including Miss Barrett, was watching the drama between Frank and Gerard. Frank didn't care. He kept yelling. 

"You, who is ending this relationship because you're too much of a pussy to stand up to your parents. Meanwhile, I'm just able to take the fact that the only man I've ever loved is letting his fucking homophobic asshole parents stand between us in stride. You're right, Gerard. This is definitely harder on you!"

"Frank..."

"Don't. I just hope you know that I would never let anyone manipulate me into pushing away someone I loved so much. So go ahead. Try to delude yourself. Put on your little straight act for a couple more years. But you know as well as I that you can't change who you are. You're still gay, whether Mommy and Daddy like it or not. You think this is just gonna go away, Gerard? If you do, you're a dumbass. If you don't take a stand now, you'll never be able to."

"I'm sorry," Gerard repeated, shaking his head.

"No, _I'm_ sorry. I'm sorry that you're so wrapped up in what your family thinks. I'm sorry that you'll always be lying to yourself. But most of all, I'm sorry that I ever loved you. I'm sorry I didn't see it sooner. I'm sorry that I wasted so much time on such a coward."

He ripped his sweatshirt off and whipped it at Gerard.

"Take this. I don't fucking want it anymore."

He ran out of the room crying, leaving Gerard sitting in his desk, biting his lip to keep from sobbing. Miss Barrett started class awkwardly, not even looking at Gerard. He felt like melting into his seat. He buried his face in the sweatshirt on his desk, but a second later, stuffed it deep into his backpack. It didn't smell like him anymore. Now it smelled like Frank, and even his scent hurt.

Gerard rocked himself back and forth, his face in his hands. That was a million times worse than he ever imagined it would be.

~~~~

Instead of spending his lunch hour wandering the halls, he headed straight for art. He was early, but Mr. Kaiser didn't care. Gerard's face was still red and puffy, and Mr. Kaiser could tell he'd been crying.

When class started, Mr. Kaiser took control of it all. He didn't bother Gerard; he just let him sit in the corner and draw.

When Gerard had finally convinced himself that he was strong enough to meet Frank's eyes, he looked up from his sketchpad, right to Frank's seat. But it was empty.

Ten seconds later, he heard the loud screech of tires on the pavement. He looked out the window in time to see the black Honda Civic speed down the street.

~~~~

The hallways parted like the Red Sea for him. By now, everyone had heard about the blowout between him and Frank in 5th hour. Where he was normally invisible in the halls, now all eyes were on him as he walked to his locker.

Mikey was there waiting for him, which made him want to smile. He didn't, but for the first time in almost 24 hours, he wanted to.

Mikey was annoyed by the attention Gerard was receiving. He looked around at everyone staring at them.

"What are you looking at?" He screamed at Mark Swan, who was actually a pretty close friend of his. Then he scanned the hallway, looking at everyone else. "Huh?"

The population took pity on them, and continued their walk to class.

"Don't do that, Mikes. They're your friends."

"They're assholes."

"They just like drama. And today I'm the object of the drama. I'll get over it."

"Do you want me to walk home with you?"

"You've got Chem 8th hour."

Mikey shrugged. "I'm pulling a solid..." Mikey trailed off. "Well, let's just say that missing one class won't kill me."

"No, but Mom and Dad would. I'll be fine. Thanks, though."

"Ok. I'll see you at home. I love you."

"I love you, too, Mikes."

With that, Mikey walked off toward his 7th hour Gym class, and Gerard walked in the other direction, toward Financial Lit.

~~~~

He shivered as he crossed the football field. He lit his cigarette the second the school doors had closed behind him, not caring who might see. His parents already knew one of his biggest secrets. He honestly didn't give a fuck if they found out about him smoking now.

For some reason, the walk seemed worse now. It was longer, and colder. It didn't snow much last night, and none of it stuck. Gerard kept his eyes on the sidewalk as he walked. Again, he heard the familiar car engine as it sped past him, coming from the direction of his house. He didn't have to look up to know the make and model of the car.

He couldn't help but think that Frank was asking for a ticket. The speed at which he had zoomed past Gerard could not have been legal.


	30. Chapter 30

Gerard spent the next three weeks in a trance.

Wake up, get dressed, go to school, walk home, spend the hours from when he got home until he went to sleep in silence in his room. He hadn't touched his iPod in weeks. He'd thrown away the guitar that he kept stashed under his bed. He barely drew anymore, and when he did, all his characters were angry and sad, and, more often than not, bore an intense striking resemblance to Frank. He had ripped more pages out of his sketchbook in the last month than he had in the last four years.

Donald and Donna acted like nothing was wrong; like their son's entire life hasn't just crumbled because of a decision they had forced him to make. He didn't expect them to be sympathetic, but ignoring it was even worse.

Mikey had started bringing his and Gerard's dinner down to the basement, and they ate in silence on Gerard's bed.

On the rare occasion that Frank actually showed up to History, instead of skipping, he sat in the complete opposite corner from Gerard, in the very first desk in the row. He had dropped his 6th period Art class.

Mikey had started spending more and more time in the basement with Gerard. They didn't talk much, but knowing that Mikey was there for him made Gerard feel a little better.

Sometime during Christmas break, Gerard had started teaching Mikey to draw. Mikey wasn't particularly good at it, but it gave Gerard a much-needed distraction from the towering blue house across the street. And the only laughter he got anymore was from making fun of Mikey's warped drawings. He was starting to think that Mikey was drawing horribly on purpose.

He couldn't help himself. Every once in a while, he snuck a peek out his window to Frank's house. The sleek, black car never left the driveway. The third floor window was always closed.

Occasionally, Frank would be outside with Sinatra. But before, he'd be playing fetch with the dog, or wrestling with him. Now, he just sat on the steps with his arms folded on his knees and watched as the dog chased snowflakes.

~~~~

Gerard wasn't even excited for Christmas, his second favorite holiday, after his boyfriend's birthday. Well, Halloween. It wasn't his boyfriend's birthday anymore.

He and Mikey huddled together on the couch on Christmas Eve, after their parents had fallen asleep, watching the twinkling lights on the Christmas tree. Gerard was curled up at the far end of the couch, farthest from the tree, and Mikey was stretched out with his head in Gerard's lap. His watch chimed softly at 12:00. He yawned and rolled over.

"Merry Christmas, Gerard."

Gerard reached down and ran his fingers through Mikey's hair. "Merry Christmas, Mikes."

~~~~

The only thing that made Christmas Day bearable was that Elena was at the house before Gerard and Mikey had even woken up. She woke both of them up from where they had camped on the couch with a kiss on the forehead. Gerard stood and stretched and hugged Elena tighter than he ever had before. He pulled back and Elena knew something was wrong with one look.

"What happened?" She asked softly.

Gerard hadn't told her yet. Just the thought of telling her brought tears to his eyes. "I'll explain later," he said, his voice breaking.

Ellen hugged him again for good measure.

As usual, Elena controlled the kitchen, and Mikey and Gerard helped her. For the first time in a long time, Gerard smiled. He laughed. But deep down, he was constantly wondering what Frank and Linda were doing today.

Gerard couldn't even be happy as they gathered around the tree to open their presents. Mikey had gotten him two Smashing Pumpkins vinyls. Elena had gotten him an expensive leather-bound sketchbook, with a quote from his favorite play embossed in gold on the front. " _To thine own self be true_." Gerard laughed at the irony. The last time he'd heard that line was when he was helping Frank write an essay on Hamlet. Maybe if he'd been true to himself, he'd be with Frank right now.

His mom had given him a new black hoodie, because she thought his grey one had been stolen from his locker. Little did he know, it was still sitting in the bottom of his backpack. His father had bought him a brand new set of charcoal pencils.

After presents, but before dinner, Elena made Gerard accompany her on another walk around the neighborhood. Just like before, she'd lit two cigarettes and demanded to know what was plaguing Gerard.

He shook his head reluctantly. "I don't wanna tell you; you'll be angry."

"I'd never be angry at you, sweetheart."

"It's not me you'll be angry with."

That stopped Elena in her tracks. She looked pissed. "What did your parents do?"

Gerard sniffled, his cheeks froze as the tears spilled down them. "They found out about me and Frank. They gave me an ultimatum. Them or Frank."

Elena gasped.

"You've gotta promise not to say anything. They're acting like it never happened, and I don't wanna open that can of worms again."

"But honey, you're unhappy. You love Frank and you deserve to be with him. I can't just let you be miserable."

"It was my choice, and I made it. That's that."

Elena scowled. "Why did you make that choice?"

"What?"

"Why did you pick to have your parents in your life instead of Frank? Your parents have never given you the joy that Frank did."

Gerard shrugged. He didn't feel like explaining, and he wasn't even sure he knew how to. "Mom and Dad had been in my life for 18 years. I don't know how to be me without them. Yeah, they're assholes, but you know how I am. I don't like change. And not having them all of the sudden would be..." He exhaled forcefully. He knew his logic was stupid, but he couldn't explain it.

"Do you feel like you owe them loyalty?"

That was it. With a few words, Elena had pinned exactly what Gerard had been feeling for almost a month.

"Yeah, I guess."

"Why? Do you think they love you more than Frank? Do they deserve your loyalty, when they didn't even give you support?"

He shook his head. Not in response, but to get Elena out of it. She knew him too well sometimes.

"It's over, Elena. Leave it alone, please. What's done is done."

Elena scowled again, but dropped the subject.

When they turned back onto Gerard's street, a giant black dog came running up to him. He didn't see him until his paws were on his shoulders. How he didn't notice Sinatra against the snow, he'd never understand.

He hugged the dog, and bent down to scratch his ears. He knew that his breaking up with Frank probably meant that he wasn't allowed near anyone in his family (and to Frank, Sinatra was as much family as his mother was) but Sinatra was familiar, and comforting. And besides, Sinatra started it.

"Hi, boy. How have you been? Have you been a good boy?" Sinatra responded by licking him from chin to hairline, like his master had done when Gerard had tried to sneak up on him on his birthday. "I missed you, too."

Elena smiled sadly.

There was a short, shrill whistle from the vicinity of Frank's house. Gerard quickly looked, hoping (although he knew it probably would hurt), to get a glimpse of Frank. But the front door was open only a few inches, and all Gerard could see were shadows. At the whistle, Sinatra sprinted to the door, gone as quickly as he'd arrived.

The door slammed shut behind him.


	31. Chapter 31

Gerard was sure he was going insane. Though he tried not to think about him, Frank was constantly on his mind. Elena's words were spinning in his brain. She had implied that Frank loved Gerard more than his parents did. The more he thought about it, the more he agreed. Frank had never tried to change him, or asked him to be something be wasn't. Frank was more than happy with Gerard as he was.

He had stopped trying to push Frank out of his mind. He wasn't strong enough. While a week ago, all he wanted was to erase Frank from his memory, now he just wanted Frank in his arms. He drifted to sleep at night, imagining Frank's body pressed against his own. He had taken to sleeping with the grey sweatshirt that now smelled like Frank.

The more he thought about it, the more and more pissed off he got at his parents for forcing his hand.

~~~~

Gerard didn't even come out of his room for New Years. Mikey offered to stay with him, but Alicia was throwing a huge party that he knew Mikey didn't wanna miss. So instead, he sat on his bed listening to his parents upstairs having drinks with their friends, and drew.

He tried to draw something, anything that wasn't Frank. But lately, every person he drew came out looking like him in one way or another.

He focused his attention on the vampire he was drawing. He finished it, colored it, and signed it, and was happy that it didn't look a thing like Frank. Except that Gerard had drawn multiple holes in the knees of his jeans.

_Goddamn it, Gerard!_ He thought to himself. _What the fuck is wrong with you? Why can't you get him off your mind?_

He decided that he needed fresh air, so he threw his sketchbook on the floor and walked outside, sitting in the stairwell to his basement door. For some reason he didn't know, he wanted to see Frank's house. So he sat on the top step, and stared at the blue house he knew so well.

His ass was cold and wet from the snow on the ground, but he didn't care, because suddenly, there was a blaze of orange at the third floor window. A lighter. Gerard looked and saw that Frank was seated on his windowsill, one leg thrown out the window, one pulled up to his chest. He was blowing smoke rings into the cold air. They were misshapen and dissipated quickly. Frank was still upset. Frank was the king of smoke rings. They were never less than perfect. And when they were, something was bothering him. 

Gerard sighed deeply, reaching in his pocket for a cigarette of his own. He lit it, and out of his peripheral, he saw Frank turn to look at him.

He figured, 'Why not?' and turned to look back at Frank. Frank maintained eye contact for a few seconds before he turned around and climbed back into his bedroom.  
He left the window open.

~~~~

"10...9...8...7...6...5...4..."

_3...2...1_ , He counted down in his head. His parents and their friends cheered and laughed upstairs.

Gerard stared up at the ceiling, thinking about the ghost of New Year's Resolutions past.

When he was 17, his resolution was to stop smoking. _That_ was short-lived.

When he was 15, his resolution was to get out more.

He laughed at the memory.

When he was 16, it was to come out to his parents.

Gerard rolled his eyes. He never would've done it if Frank hadn't pushed him. Frank had impacted him so much in their short time together.

Gerard never would've had his first kiss it wasn't for Frank.

He never would've gotten over his body image if Frank hadn't given him the confidence.

He never would've had his first boyfriend, fallen in love, lost his virginity if Frank hadn't shown up in his life.

And now that he'd forced Frank out of his life, he spent all his time remembering everything that Frank had helped him with.

He sighed, and rolled over. Funnily enough, when Frank was who he spent most of his time with, he didn't miss his parents half as much as he missed Frank right now.

~~~~

The house was quiet. His parents had poured themselves into bed around 3, and Mikey was spending the night at Aly's.

Gerard slowly crept out of bed, cautiously opening his door and walking into the frosty Dece-, well, January air. He blew out a huge breath and watched as the steam billowed away.

He blew out another sigh of relief when he saw that Frank's window was still open.

He was shaking. This was stupid. For all he knew, Frank was still über pissed at him. But the thought that it could work was what pushed him across the street and through Frank's front yard.

The climb up Frank's tree was even harder when the planks were covered in frost. Gerard got at least two splinters, bruised his knee, and peeled a few layers of skin off his palms, but eventually he made it all the way up the tree. He climbed through Frank's window and tip-toed his way into Frank's room.

Sinatra picked his head up from where it was resting on his paws. He cocked his head and whined, and Gerard could hear the bark building in his throat. He squatted down and clapped softly, and instead of barking, Sinatra hopped off Frank's bed and almost tackled him. He scratched Sinatra's chin and Sinatra licked his face.

He sent Sinatra to his dog bed and walked over to Frank's bed. He was wearing an old, faded Wonder Woman shirt, and his bed was rustled. He threw his head to the side, rolling over halfway. Gerard noticed a bottle of sleep-aid pills on his nightstand. That saddened Gerard. Frank wasn't a restless sleeper.

Gerard felt an aching pain in his stomach when he saw that there was no grey hoodie in his arms. Frank usually slept with it. Now it was shoved under Gerard's pillow.

Frank's hair was sticking up in a million directions. Gerard reached his hand out to lightly push the hair out of his eyes. He rolled over, smashing his face into the pillows. Gerard ran his nails through the buzzed hair on the sides of Frank's head.

"Frank. Frank?"

"I just fell asleep," he mumbled into his sheets. "Why are you waking me up?"

"I need to talk to you."

Frank jerked upright at the sound of Gerard's voice. He turned around to see him standing at his bed, wringing his hands awkwardly. 

"Gerard? What are you doing here?" Frank asked.

"I have something to say to you."


	32. Chapter 32

Frank scoffed and crossed his arms. "Don't you think you've said enough?" He spat, throwing his blanket off himself and walking over to his window, his back to Gerard.

"Please, Frank. I know you hate me right now. I think _I_ hate me right now. Just give me five minutes. Five minutes to say what I need to say to you, and then I swear, if you never wanna see my face again, I will oblige."

Frank's shoulders loosened, and he turned around, his face a little less angry.

"Five minutes," He said softly.

Gerard inhaled deeply, and blew it out slowly.

Frank sounded exhausted. Maybe his Epstein-Barr was acting up. He was pale, and the dark roots on the side of his head were showing, a striking contrast to the almost white that the rest of the hair was. He wasn't wearing makeup, and the black polish on his nails was chipped and cracked. There was a bright purple band-aid wrapped around the index finger of his left hand.

"What'd you do?" Gerard asked, nodding to his hand.

"I've been hitting the guitar pretty hard. Broke open a callus. It's not life-threatening."

Gerard smiled. "Good."

Frank exhaled deeply. "You've got four minutes left, Gerard. You're not here to question my injuries."

Gerard took a deep breath.

"Okay. First off, I'm not even gonna try to apologize, because I know that it's pointless. There's nothing I could say to make it right. Nothing I could say to make up for all the pain. An apology's not gonna change anything, and I don't expect it to. But I want you to know how badly I feel about hurting you. I wish more than anything that I could take it back. I am _so_ sorry for ending things the way I did. It was stupid and immature, and cowardly, and pretty much the worst decision I've ever made. I've been racked with guilt for weeks. You were right. About everything. I broke up with you because I was being a pussy. Because I was worried about what my parents thought. They made me hurt you, and I've never hated them more. You... I don't even know how to tell you how much you mean to me. You were my best friend. My boyfriend. My first love. The person I gave my virginity to. And I gave that all up. Pushed it all away. I want it all back, Frank," He confessed as his tears spilled down his cheeks. "Fuck my parents. Fuck the kids at school. Fuck the homophobic assholes that don't like who I am. I love you. I have since pretty much our first conversation, and I'm pretty sure I will until I'm six feet under. All I want is you, Frank. You're the most amazing and important thing to ever happen to me. I'm not ready to give it up. I still love you, Frank. More than I've ever loved anyone. The truth is, you mean more to me than anyone else in the world. Even my parents. Being apart from you is torture that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I love you and I just want to be able to kiss you and hug you and hold your hand, and I don't care who has a problem with it. I miss you. The feel of your rough hands in my hair, my soft lips on my neck, the way you look at me when I make a lame joke, I miss it all. Please forgive me."

When Gerard looked up, he saw that Frank's face was blank.

"Two more minutes. Is there anything else you wanna add?"

That stung. He didn't sound forgiving. He sounded only minimally less annoyed than he had when Gerard walked in.

"Are you gonna say something?" Gerard asked.

Frank shook his head sadly. "What do you want me to say, Gerard? Did you really think I would forgive you that easily?"

Gerard chewed on his bottom lip. Part of him really hoped that Frank _would_ forgive him and they'd share a passionate kiss like in the movies. But the other part knew that nothing ever worked like it did in the movies.

He grimaced. "I don't know," He admitted, shrugging.

Frank sighed, crossing his arms again. "Part of me wants to. In fact, most of me wants to. But I'm not stupid. Do you have _any_ idea what you did to me? The way you hurt me? I've never felt that pain before."

"I am _so_ sorry, Frank," Gerard said, his lip quivering.

"I believe you. But still... It was almost unbearable. It was a week before I could even see you in the halls without breaking down in sobs. Imagine yourself in my position. Imagine if all of the sudden, I ended our amazing relationship because my mom hated something about you that you couldn't control. Your eye color or some shit."

Gerard didn't have to imagine the pain. "I know what it feels like. Do you think I wanted to break it off with you? I was forced into it just like you were."

"That's just it!" Frank roared, and Sinatra barked. "You _weren't_ forced into it! It was your decision! All you had to do was say no! Tell your parents that you weren't playing their fucking game! First of all, how do you think that made me feel about us as a couple? That you ended, what I thought was, a pretty perfect relationship so quickly and so easily? I felt like you were lying to me every time you said 'I love you'."

Gerard gasped. "Frank, you _know_ that's not true. If I wasn't absolutely sure that I was ridiculously in love with you, I would never have said it."

"And that brings me to point number two. Do you think I would've given you up if Mom had asked me?"

"I-I-" Gerard stuttered.

"If you do," Frank cut him off, "You're an idiot. I would rather be living with Sinatra in his doghouse than lose you for even a moment."

"That's you, Frank. It's not me. You're so much stronger and more courageous than I am. I've been lying for most of my life. I've been conditioned to do and say whatever it took to please my parents. But you helped me so much. If it wasn't for you, I would never be able to admit to myself that I was gay. If it wasn't for you, I'd still be an 18 year old virgin who'd never been kissed and never known real love. I made what was possibly the biggest mistake that anyone in history could ever have made. I recognize that I fucked up. And I'm asking you to be the perfect boyfriend and perfect friend that you are and look past my previous bouts of being an inconsiderate dumbass and forgive me. Please. It hurts without you. Like I can't breathe. Like the other half of me has been ripped out."

Frank sighed. "Now you know how I feel. Do you think it's easy for me to go on functioning without one of the most important people in my life?"

"Frank, I-"

Frank sat down on his bed. Sinatra jumped in his lap. "I think you should go, Gerard," He whispered, his eyes to the floor.

Gerard mustered what was left of his dignity and composed a straight face as he climbed back out Frank's window and down the tree. He didn't look, but he heard Frank close his window after him.

He tried to keep his knees from buckling as he walked across the street. He only got as far as his stairwell before they gave in. He fell on his ass and slid down the last four stairs, landing right in front of his basement door.

He pulled his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. He almost bit through his lip trying to keep from wailing.

The snow started falling and Gerard started shivering. He put himself out there and tried to apologize. He recognized that he made a huge mistake and tried to get Frank to forgive him.

He was an idiot for thinking Frank would take him back. When the sun started to rise, he finally had the strength to open his door and climb back into his bed.

He faced the wall, hugged his pillow, and cried the rest of the day.


	33. Chapter 33

"Gerard, get up."

Gerard just shook his head, not speaking to his father. Donald shook him again. "Gerard!"

Gerard pulled the blankets up over his head.

A few hours later, Donna tried. She sat down on the edge of Gerard's bed and rubbed his back through his comforter.

"Gerard, honey, what's wrong?"

Once again, Gerard didn't respond.

It wasn't until Mikey made his way down to the basement that Gerard even turned away from the wall. It only took one look at Gerard's tear-streaked face to know whatever was wrong was really bad.

"Oh, Gee," He said sadly. He climbed under Gerard's blankets and hugged him tightly.

"What happened?"

"Frank," He murmured into Mikey's shoulder. "I tried to apologize, and he turned me away. He hates me."

"I'm sorry, Gerard. Give him space. Maybe he just needs time."

Gerard shook his head. "I've never seen him look at me like that. I don't think he'll ever want to see me again. I wouldn't be surprised if he moved away again. I'll never forgive myself for hurting him the way I did. I'm a horrible person."

"No, you're not," Mikey insisted as Gerard soaked the front of his shirt, "You're not a horrible person. You're a good person who was forced to do something bad to someone you loved because your parents were pressuring you. Frank loves you, and he knows you didn't want to hurt him. Give him some time to get over it. I'm sure he'll come around."

Gerard was exhausted. He didn't feel like arguing, so he just shook his head and kept crying against Mikey's shoulder.

~~~~

Gerard shivered as a gust of freezing air blew over him. He pulled his blankets up around his neck, and curled into himself even farther. He always slept in the fetal position, in the farthest corner of his bed, facing the wall. There was something he liked about corners.

He shivered again when something cold was pressed against the back of his neck.

His eyes popped open when he realized that it was a hand.

He coughed, and the hand flew off his neck.

He took a few deep breaths, and rolled over slightly, preparing to face a sadistic murderer in his bedroom.

It was almost pitch black in the room, but Gerard could still see the sparkle in the eyes he'd spent so many days staring into.

His breath sped up. This wasn't happening.

"Frank?" He asked hopefully.

Frank reached up and scrubbed a hand through the short hair on the side of his head. That was one of his nervous tics.

"Hi," he said to the floor.

Gerard's heart sped up slightly. Frank didn't sound angry. He sounded sad.

"What are you doing here?" Gerard asked groggily as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.

"I need to talk to you."

He sat up. "Okay."

Frank took a long, deep breath. "I'm sorry."

Gerard had never been more confused in his life. Why was Frank apologizing? He hadn't done anything wrong.

"For what?" Gerard barely squeaked out.

Frank started pacing back and forth across Gerard's room. "About last night. I didn't... I mean, I did, but I...I don't..." He rubbed his face with his hands and blew out an exasperated breath.

Gerard stood, setting his hands on Frank's shoulders, pausing him mid-stride. He kept his face composed, but he was flooded with happiness, joy at the feeling of his hands where they brushed Frank's neck. Even the simple touch of his skin was enough to make Gerard want to smile.

"Calm down, Frank. What's going on?"

Frank inhaled a shuddering breath, and Gerard saw wetness in the corners of his eyes. "Frank?" He asked, concerned.

"I'm sorry for sending you away last night. You have to understand, it still hurts. I'm still so fucking pissed at you, and even more pissed at your parents. But..."

"But what?"

"I don't know!" Frank yelled, throwing his hands up in exhasperation, "I don't know how to... Be me without you," He admitted, wiping the tears from his cheeks, "Everything that we shared, everything we've been through... I can't drive my car without picturing you in the front seat. I can't sleep in my room, cuz our handprints are still up on my wall. I can't look at anything in my house without remembering that you were there when Mom and I finally unpacked for good. I can't change my shirt without thinking about how you held my hand the whole time I was getting tattooed. I can't go to school without instinctively searching for your face in the halls. For fuck's sake, I can't even go to my fucking Lit class because we're still studying _Hamlet_ , and I keep thinking about how you got up on my fucking coffee table and acted it out for me because you're such an amazing boyfriend," Frank rambled, his voice breaking near the end.

"Frank–"

"And I was so fucking confused! Part of me wanted to punch you in your fucking," He giggled through his tears, "Beautiful, perfect face." Gerard smiled with him. "And then turn around and walk out of your life without a second look." The sentence wiped both their smiles off their faces.

"But I can't do that, and the other part of me knows that. The other part of me wanted to fall into your arms and cry hysterically and hug you and kiss you and forgive you and live happily ever after. Part of me still _really_ wants to do the former, because it fucking hates you and what you did to me," He almost yelled with a scowl on his face. "But the other part is dead set on the latter, because the other part is still every bit in love with you as it was the first time we kissed. I don't think that part of me will ever stop loving you. And I was fucking tearing myself apart inside trying to figure out which part was the majority."

Gerard swallowed hard. Frank was using words like 'wanted' and 'was'. His choice was made.

"And then you..." He looked to the floor and shook his head.

Gerard had a feeling it wasn't good. "What about me?"

When Frank picked his head back up, there was a slight smile on his lips. That smile gave Gerard hope.

"You climb your ass up my tree and through my window in the middle of the night. I wake up and you're standing over me with this look of utter remorse on your face. I've never seen someone so sorry. And you give me this huge speech about how sorry you are and how much you miss me and still love me and..."

"And?"

"And how can I just ignore that? I don't know what you've done to me. It's been what? 2? 3 months? And already I know that I'm never gonna find anyone more amazing than you and already I know that I want you around for the rest of my life. I knew the second I woke up last night and saw your face. The feeling it gave me..."

"What?" Gerard whispered, and he almost didn't want to hear the next words that Frank would say.

"I've never been happier."

Gerard felt his heart stop.

"In that moment, I didn't give half a shit. I didn't care what you said to me and why. I didn't care. I just knew I was still completely in love with you, regardless of the shit between us. If I ever doubted us, it was all gone. I am 100% certain that you are everything I'm ever gonna want in a boyfriend, Gerard. I love just as much right now as I always have and I always will. And if I could, I'd fucking marry you right now," He said with a laugh.

Gerard smiled and took a cautious step forward. "Does this mean–"

"If you promise," Frank cut him off, "To never again put me through that mental anguish,"

"I promise."

"I want this back," Frank said, grabbing Gerard's hands from where they were still rested on his shoulders and twisting their fingers together.

Gerard decided that he was done being a pussy, so he leaned in and kissed Frank.

Frank didn't pull away, and he didn't push Gerard away. Instead, he opened his mouth and kissed Gerard with all the power he had.

Frank melted into Gerard, their hips locking like Tetris pieces, finding where they fit together perfectly. Frank snaked his arms around Gerard's neck and his hands in his hair, and Gerard wrapped his arms around Frank's waist. It was second nature. Instinct. Nirvana. The feel of Frank against him, their bodies connecting at every possible point was so much better than he remembered. He smiled against Frank's wet lips. He couldn't tell whose tears were soaking their faces, but he didn't care. All that mattered to him as that Frank was back in his arms. The earth, the sun, the stars all aligned in that moment, and all was right with the world.

Gerard missed this. The way Frank moved his lips, his tongue. He wasn't particularly experienced, but he guessed that nobody was as amazing a kisser as Frank was.

Frank pulled his lips away slightly, just enough to speak.

"You're forgiven, Gerard. Of course you are. I miss you so fucking much. I love you, Gerard. Don't ever leave me again."

"Never, Frank. I'm so fucking sorry," Gerard said into Frank's neck.

"Shut up. Don't think about it. We're together now. Everything's gonna be okay. I promise you, we'll be okay."

"I'm holding you to that," Gerard whispered with a smile on his face.

Frank brought his face back to Gerard's, kissing him like he would never be able to kiss him ever again.

"That part of you that wants to punch me?" Gerard whispered between heated kisses.

"What about it?" Frank asked, finally pulling away to actually speak.

"You have it under control?" He asked, cocking an eyebrow.

Frank smiled and nodded.

Gerard kissed Frank once more, grabbing his hands and pulling him into bed with him.


	34. Chapter 34

"You know," Frank whispered as he ran his fingers through Gerard's hair, "Just to avoid all the unnecessary drama, I don't think we should be _that_ open to your parents just yet."

Gerard furrowed his brows and stared at Frank like he was changing colors.

"You've gotta be shitting me right now! After all the shit we've been through the past few weeks, after all the yelling and the tears and the pain... You still wanna hide our relationship to make things easier on my parents?"

Frank blushed. "Well, when you say it like _that_..."

"It's gonna be so much harder now than it was before," Gerard said, propping himself up on his elbows. "Before, I was at least allowed to hang out with you. Now I won't be able to be around you at all. It'll make things that much more difficult."

"Yeah, but how long til graduation? 5 or 6 months. Once we graduate, you're 100% free. I think it'll just be best for everyone if we keep it concealed. Then after you graduate, you move out and tell your parents that you've found yourself a nice girl to settle down with. Meanwhile," Frank said, pressing a soft kiss to Gerard's jugular, "You'll be spending your nights in my bed."

"If I may be so eager as to point out, Mr. Iero, it is _you_ who is in _my_ bed."

Frank cocked an eyebrow and smiled wickedly. "It would seem I am."

He set a hand on Gerard's neck, guiding their lips to each other. Frank wrapped his fingers through Gerard's hair, and Gerard pressed himself flush against Frank.

"I've missed this," Frank whispered."

"Me, too," Gerard breathed against Frank's lips.

Frank stuck his hands under Gerard's shirt, running his nails down Gerard's back. Gerard unbuttoned Frank's fly, unzipping his jeans slowly.

He felt Frank smile against his lips.

"My, someone's enthusiastic."

"Isn't this how it's supposed to work? We fight, we make up..."

"Gerard, are you trying to initiate make-up sex?" Frank teased as he pulled Gerard's shirt over his head.

Gerard buried his face in Frank's neck, biting him gently before sucking a bruise into his skin.

Frank rolled over onto his back, and Gerard climbed on top of him.

He shrugged. "Why not? I told you my basement was soundproof."

Frank chuckled and sat up as much as he could with Gerard on his lap, stripping off his own shirt and tossing it to the floor.

Gerard kissed him, gently running the very tips of his fingers over his shoulder blades and the large tattoo on his back. Frank moaned gently into Gerard's mouth.

"Your parents are right upstairs," Frank warned half-heartedly. He was too busy biting Gerard's bottom lip.

"I don't care. Fuck 'em."

"If I may be so eager as to point out, it it _me_ who you're trying to fuck."

"Yes, and your talking is hindering it."

"My apologies," Frank said with a smile, and snapped his mouth shut.

Gerard lifted himself off Frank's lap, kneeling over him, and teasingly pulled the waistband of his pajamas down, inch by inch. He watched the hungry gleam in Frank's eyes as he stared intently on the pale expanse of Gerard's stomach and hips.

Frank sat up and sucked a small hickey into Gerard's stomach, right next to his navel.

Gerard threw his head back and giggled, because Frank had run his hands up Gerard's legs and clamped them on his hips to give him balance.

Frank tucked his fingers under the waistband of Gerard's pants and boxers, pulling them down even more to give himself even more skin to mark.

After 2 more hickeys, Gerard decided he was done waiting, so he dismounted Frank and helped disrobe both of them.

They were in no rush. They last time they had sex, it was heated and hurried. This time, they went slow, exploring everything about each other. They twisted their legs together, and wrapped their arms around one another. They kissed and hugged and left hickeys wherever they thought they'd look good the next day. Only when Gerard was certain he'd kissed every square inch of Frank's skin did he crawl back on top of him.

Though it was significantly slower and less hurried than the last time, Gerard and Frank both knew that this was a new form of bonding, a new way to completely give themselves over to each other. 

By the time they'd finished, kissed and cuddled each other to sleep, the sun was rising.

~~~~

Gerard stirred when a soft kiss was pressed gently to his temple. He smiled when he remembered what had happened the night before.

"Morning, beautiful," Frank whispered, looking down at him from where he was perched on his elbow.

He smiled. "Hi," he said, opening his eyes and looking at Frank.

Frank leaned forward and pressed a small, sweet kiss against his lips.

"I love you. And I'm so glad you're here with me right now."

Frank blushed, and kissed him again.

Gerard wrapped his arms around Frank, hugging him tightly. He was a little shocked by the amount of Frank's skin he felt against his own. Then he remembered that he and Frank had only bothered to put their boxers back on before going to sleep last night.

Frank smiled, because he knew what Gerard was thinking. He ran his fingertips up and down Gerard's bare arm.

Just as Gerard leaned in for another kiss, he heard the ceiling creak above his head.

"Fuck!" He yelled as he jumped out of his bed. "Mom and Dad are coming!"

Frank's eyes widened, and he too scampered out of bed.

Gerard grabbed Frank's arm, threw open his door and all but flung Frank into his stairwell.

"Stay here! Be quiet!" He barked.

Frank nodded and curled in on himself, trying to keep from shivering as he stood almost naked in the cold.

Gerard felt a little bad about that, but he'd make it up to him later.

He dove back into his bed, turned and faced the wall and threw his blankets up to his chin.

The last few stairs groaned, and there was a sharp knock on Gerard's bedroom door.

He tried to sound sleepy as he half rolled over. "Come in!"

He mom and dad walked in, and he yawned. He didn't force it, but it added to his facade. Mikey walked in, too.

 _Jesus, let's all just parade into my room at dick o'clock in the morning! What's privacy?_ He thought to himself.

"What's up?" He asked groggily.

"Your father and I noticed that you've been very upset lately, so we decided," Donna said, stepping around the clothing on the floor, "That you and Mikey have permission to stay home from school tomorrow, and we're all gonna go visit Elena!"

Gerard made sure to smile, like he usually would when Elena was mentioned. "Actually, Ma, I feel a lot better. And with me so close to graduation, I don't think I should miss school. I appreciate it, though."

Gerard saw Mikey kick at Frank's jeans, a confused look on his face. Then he looked at the plain white t-shirt near it. His eyes widened and he stared up at Gerard through his hair, an evil smile gracing his lips.

If Donna had bothered to look, she'd notice that half the clothes on the floor were a size too small for him. And the fact that Gerard didn't own a plain white t-shirt.

"Are you sure?" Donald asked.

Gerard nodded. "I'm sure. Thanks anyway."

Donna leaned down and kissed Gerard's forehead before she and Donald turned and walked back up the stairs.

Gerard sat up, sighed, and ran his fingers through his hair. Mikey raised an eyebrow when the blanket fell down around Gerard's waist, exposing his naked torso.

Gerard looked at the knowing face, and sighed. "What, Mikes?"

Mikey grinned. "Nothing. How was your night?"

Gerard blushed. "Fine."

Mikey nodded. He turned toward the outside door. "Hi, Frank!" He said, loud enough that Frank would hear him, but not so loud that their parents would.

"Hi, Mikey!" Came a reply from behind the door.

Gerard chuckled, and Mikey shook his head. "I'm glad you guys fixed it," He said before he turned around and walked back upstairs. He closed the door.

Gerard pulled his pajama pants on before darting over to his door and letting Frank back in. He was hugging himself and shivering.

Gerard laughed and hugged him tightly, trying to warm him up.

He got as close as he could, and threw his fleece blanket around the both of them.

"I'm sorry, baby."

Frank laughed. His shivers were subsiding. "I'll be fine. Definitely a story to tell the grandkids, though."

Gerard rolled his eyes and kissed Frank's cold shoulder.

Frank set his head against Gerard's chest. "I should go."

Gerard frowned. "I wish you didn't have to."

He felt Frank smile against his skin. He pressed a soft kiss to the hollow at the base of Gerard's throat. "I'll see you at school tomorrow."

He unraveled himself from the blanket and started gathering his clothes. Gerard sat down on his bed.

"We don't have Art together anymore."

Frank froze in the middle of pulling his jeans up his thighs. "I guess we don't," He said sadly. "Maybe I can get transferred back in. I only switched to a study hall."

Gerard smiled. Frank slipped his shirt over his head and pulled on his Vans. He walked over to where Gerard was seated, and stood between his legs.

"Text me later, okay?"

Gerard blushed. "I actually can't do that."

Frank cocked an eyebrow.

"Mom and Dad kind of deleted your number from my phone. Along with all our texts and all the pictures," He said angrily.

Frank smiled slightly and wrapped a hand in Gerard's hair.

"We'll take new ones," He said with a smile, knowing full well the only pictures of him that were stored in Gerard's phone were the pictures he'd taken of his hickeys.

He yanked on Gerard's hair, pulling his head back. Gerard let out a small moan.

Frank leaned down and kissed Gerard, but it wasn't soft and sweet like their last few had been. It was heated and hurried and had Gerard moaning into Frank's mouth. He slipped his hands up the back of Frank's shirt and dug his nails into the fleshy skin right above his belt. When Frank finally pulled away, his lips were red and he was out of breath.

"I'll see you in the morning. I love you."

"I love you, too," Gerard said, running his nails around Frank's sides and resting them on the hem of his jeans on either side of his zipper.

Frank gave Gerard one last hot, teasing kiss before he finally walked out the door.

Gerard flopped back on his bed, licking his lips.

He missed the way Frank tasted. Like coffee and cigarettes.


	35. Chapter 35

"How did you manage to fix this? It was a total shitstorm!"

Gerard rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"It's a long story."

In reality, he actually wasn't sure how he'd managed to fix his and Frank's relationship. He was just incredibly grateful that he did.

"Come on, Gee. You've gotta give me more than that!"

"Mikes, it's really not a big deal, A. And B, it's none of your business."

"You went from crying over him for almost 24 straight hours to having him in your bed? Which, ew!" Mikey said, exaggerating a shudder.

Gerard smiled. "I told you it was none of your business."

"Just tell me!" He whined.

Gerard sighed. "Honestly, I don't know. He said that when he woke up and saw me, he realized that he was still in love with me. Then he made me promise to never put him through that torture again. Then... It was just fixed."

Gerard thought for a second, before deciding to scar Mikey for life.

"Then we fucked."

Mikey stopped dead in his tracks.

"Ugh! You realize I can never un-hear that, right?"

Gerard smirked.

Mikey groaned and shoved his hands in his pockets. Gerard honestly didn't know why Mikey was so concerned with how he and Frank had gotten back together.

Gerard heard squealing tires coming from behind him. He'd recognize that engine anywhere. Before he could count to five, there was a small black car skidding to a stop beside him and Mikey. Mikey jumped out of the way, afraid of being run over, but Gerard knew as reckless of a driver as he was, that Frank had total control over his car.

Frank rolled the passenger side window down and leaned over the seat.

"Hey, beautiful."

Gerard blushed like a teenage girl.

"Want a ride?"

"Fuck, yeah! It's freezing out here!" Mikey had hopped into the backseat before Gerard could even get a word out.

Gerard couldn't help but think that if he knew what he and Frank did in that backseat, Mikey would've rather braved the cold.

He slid sinuously into the front seat, and before he could think, Frank's lips were on his, Frank's hands were on his neck, and Frank's tongue was in his mouth.

Gerard could almost feel Mikey squirming in the backseat.

"Good morning," Gerard whispered when they parted.

"Morning," Frank whispered back before pecking him one last time and turning his attention to the road.

He jabbed a thumb at Mikey. "He's not gonna narc on us, is he?"

Mikey gasped like he was offended.

"No, he's not gonna narc," Gerard said, rolling his eyes again.

Frank pulled away from the curb. As he sped back up, he reached for Gerard's hand, lacing it with his.

A few minutes later, he brought it to his mouth, kissing the back of Gerard's hand gently.

"I'm glad we have this back," he whispered.

Gerard smiled. "Me, too."

Mikey gagged in the backseat, so Frank threw a CD at him.

He could tease all he wanted, but Gerard knew Mikey was happy that they were happy.

~~~~

"Where are you going?" Gerard asked when Frank almost ripped his arm from his socket. When Gerard had headed for the cafeteria, Frank had gone the complete opposite way, trying to speed-walk to the parking lot. Before the break-up, they'd taken to spending lunch in Frank's backseat quite often. "I need my coffee."

"Yeah? Well, I've been abstinent in every way, shape or form for like, weeks," Frank said under his breath. He sounded like a junkie trying to get his fix. As much as it shouldn't have, it really flattered Gerard. "It's startin' to make me a little antsy."

Gerard smiled. "The other day wasn't enough to satiate your appetite for lust?" He teased.

Frank pouted and shook his head.

"You'll just have to wait."

Gerard leaned down to whisper in Frank's ear. "Anticipation makes it better."

Gerard's voice was like melted chocolate. Frank's eyes rolled back into his head slightly, and his knees almost buckled as he thought about what was to come.

Knowing exactly how much Frank loved everything he did was a confidence boost, and Gerard walked to the cafeteria, through the line and back towards the parking lot with a smug smile on his face.

Frank decided that they needed more cover than usual today, so instead of staying in the parking lot, Frank drove down the street and parked by the abandoned paper factory.

Gerard hadn't even taken three drinks of his coffee before Frank threw it out the window and climbed on top of him. His hands were up Gerard's shirt in a second.

"Goddamn, Frank!" Gerard gasped as Frank worked on his neck.

"I've fucking missed you, Gerard."

"I can tell. Oh, fuck! Frank, your mouth feels so much better than I remember. You're so–oh, god!"

Gerard moaned, because he hasn't realized just how aroused he was until Frank had pushed down against his lap.

Frank crawled into the backseat. Gerard, instead of climbing on Frank's seats, opted for actually getting out and using the door to get in the backseat. The second he did, Frank flipped them around, Gerard on his back, and him on his knees on top of him.

Frank was working at Gerard's belt with a frightening concentration.

"Jesus Christ, Frank. We've only fucked twice and already you're a sex fiend."

"Tell me you don't want this just as much as I do," Frank said as he pulled Gerard's belt off. He unzipped his jeans and pulled them down slightly.

"I don't," Gerard said, trying and failing to keep his voice steady.

"You fucking liar," Frank mouthed against his hip. He bit down on Gerard's hipbone, which made Gerard arch his back and shove his crotch in Frank's face, which in turn made Frank laugh.

Frank pushed Gerard back down, looking up at him while he dragged the very tip of his tongue along the hem of Gerard's boxers. Frank had pulled them down just enough to keep everything covered, but Gerard knew it was just a matter of time.

Gerard was moaning and whimpering and he knew how lewd and wanton he sounded, but he didn't care. He had no control over himself when Frank's mouth was on his cock. Frank knew it too, the little shit.

Before long, Gerard's fingers were wrapped in Frank's hair and his vision was blurred with how amazing Frank was with his mouth. Another minute, and Frank had sat up, licking his lips and Gerard was panting as Frank re-clothed him with a few more licks and kisses.

It didn't take long for Gerard to finish off Frank. He was already as hard as Gerard had ever felt him before. Frank really _really_ loved blowing Gerard. Not that Gerard didn't enjoy going down on Frank, but Frank could almost give himself an orgasm by giving one to Gerard.

By the time they'd caught their breath and lit their cigarettes, lunch was almost over. But Frank drove slowly, and not two minutes into the drive, his hand had wandered between Gerard's legs. He had Gerard panting and biting his lip again in almost no time, but Gerard warned Frank that if he had to go through half a day of school in dirty jeans that he was never blowing him again. Frank reluctantly put his hand back on the steering wheel, and Gerard had to take deep breaths for another 10 minutes to make his little problem go away. He was not about to traipse into school with a Frank-induced boner.


	36. Chapter 36

"I was wondering if there was still a vacant spot in Mr. Kaiser's 6th hour Art I class," Frank told the large, but friendly guidance counselor. They had walked in 5 minutes late and needed to see her for a detention slip, anyway, so Frank decided to kill two birds with one stone.

The woman walked away to look at chart of Frank's transcripts.

Gerard smacked his lips together. "Gee, I wish I had my mocha right about now," He said venomously.

Frank smiled. "Why? Need to get the taste of cigarettes and cum outta your mouth?"

The school nurse, who'd been standing less than 2 feet away jerked her head up to stare at them.

Gerard blushed and stomped on Frank's foot as hard as he could. Frank bit his lip to keep from laughing, and the nurse walked away with a disgusted look on her face.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Gerard whispered. Frank bent over and held his sides, trying to keep his laughter quiet.

"Why do you have to say shit like that?"

When Frank's giggles were under control, he shrugged. "I don't know. Who cares what the fuckin' school nurse thinks of us? A) We're leaving forever in a few months, and B) I'm not trying to impress her. I crack jokes like that because I honestly don't give a fuck what most people think. At the moment, the only opinions I care about are Mom's, James', and yours. And maybe Mikey's, to an extent."

Knowing that Mikey was in there made Gerard smile. He didn't know why.

The guidance counselor turned around with Frank's chart.

"The spot is vacant, but it says here you've already transferred out. Why do you wanna transfer back in?"

Frank's lip quivered, and tears filled his eyes. Gerard was taken aback.

"Something happened in my life. I really don't wanna get into it. But I wasn't in the mood for art. But I feel like I'm ready to express myself again. Work through the pain."

Gerard rolled his eyes. Frank was so full of shit, his eyes were practically brown. But when he looked back at the counselor, she too was tearing up.

"You poor thing. Go to class, honey. I'll transfer you right now."

"Thank you," Frank said, still looking vulnerable. He and Gerard walked out of the office together and he smiled. "Piece of cake."

"Are you aware that you have the entire world wrapped around your finger?" Gerard asked in awe as they walked to class.

Frank smirked a knowing smirk, and pulled Gerard into the bathroom for a quick make-out before they headed to class.

~~~~

"You can drop me off here," Gerard pointed to a corner two blocks away from his house.

Frank sighed and pulled over.

"Hey, you were the one that said we should keep our relationship a secret."

"I know," Frank admitted. He leaned over and grabbed Gerard by the back of the neck, kissing him greedily.

Gerard was preoccupied with running his tongue along the roof of Frank's mouth, but he wasn't too preoccupied to notice Frank's hand creeping up his thigh. He slapped a hand over his.

"Really, Frank?" He asked with a small smile.

Frank just nodded and leaned in to lick at Gerard's lips.

Gerard ducked. "You need to settle down. At the rate you're going, you're never gonna be able to cum again."

"You know what I realized while we were apart? That I love you a fuckton. You're the only man I've ever wanted this way. I went 18 years without knowing real love. Emotional and physical. I love being with you. I love being around you, touching you, kissing you. Every bit of contact between us makes my hair stand up on end. And the physical part of being with you..." He sighed.

Gerard raised an eyebrow. "What about the physical part of being with me?"

"It's fucking amazing!" He said, blushing. "I remember when you were afraid to open your mouth when we kissed, and now..."

"Now?"

Frank leaned in, running his tongue up Gerard's neck before he whispered in his ear, "I can't fathom anyone in the world giving a better blowjob," He said with a kiss to Gerard's temple. "I can't imagine anyone touching me the way you do. You can literally make every part of my body quiver."

Gerard slipped his eyes closed, listening to Frank. His voice was raw and he sounded like a porn star.

"Your mouth, your fingers, your tongue; you know how to touch me in ways I've never dreamed of."

Frank gasped softly, arousing himself almost as much as he was arousing Gerard.

"Every single thing about your body turns me on. But..." He trailed off, running his nails over the very large and very hard lump in the front of Gerard's jeans. It made Gerard shiver.

"But?" Gerard gasped.

"As much as I love what you do to me, I really love doing it to you," He answered, trading his fingernails for entire hand, rubbing Gerard through his pants.

Gerard shuddered and moaned. When Frank cupped his erection and squeezed, he threw his head back and swore.

Frank started breathing heavily, palming Gerard harder and harder.

Gerard knew by the noises that Frank was making that he was having a pretty intense orgasm. Frank was one of those rare creatures that genuinely got off by getting his partner off.

Gerard moaned again and instinctively thrust up against Frank's hand, and that was it. He grabbed Frank by the neck and kissed him hot and hard as he rode out his orgasm.

"Frank, you asshole!" He panted when it was over.

Frank cackled. He knew exactly what Gerard was talking about.

"You said not at school! You didn't say anything about wearing cum-covered jeans at home!"

"I hate you," Gerard said, rolling his eyes as he got out of the car and started the cold walk home.


	37. Chapter 37

"Sing for me," Frank said a few nights later, as Gerard ran his fingers over the smooth, pale skin of his back.

Gerard smiled. "Why?"

"Cuz it's cute," Frank said simply, laying soft kiss after soft kiss to Gerard's bare chest.

Gerard watched as Frank rose and fell with his every breath. Sinatra snored in the corner.

"What time is it?"

Frank glanced at the alarm clock on his night stand.

"Quarter after 5. Why?"

"I should get home."

Frank whined and tightened his arm around Gerard's stomach. "I don't want you to go!"

Gerard smiled and leaned down to kiss the top of Frank's head.

"We'll see each other tomorrow."

He couldn't see Frank's face, but he knew he was pouting.

"I can't leave if you're on me," He said, poking Frank in the side.

Frank turned his head and kissed Gerard's chest. He kissed a line up to his neck, where he started mouthing at his jugular.

Gerard moaned and ran his fingers up Frank's spine.

Frank used one arm to support himself over Gerard, and cupped his face with the other.

Gerard kissed Frank long and slow. He bit softly on the ring in Frank's lip, tugging on it gently.

Frank moaned, low and throaty.

"Why do you do shit like that when you're about to leave? You know what it does to me when you play with my lip ring. Now I just wanna sit here and kiss you all night."

Gerard smiled against Frank's lips.

"I have to go. Mom gets up in 15 minutes."

Frank sighed, rolled his eyes, and reluctantly crawled off Gerard. "What normal human being gets up at 5:30 in the morning?" He muttered softly. 

Gerard stood with a chuckle and picked his shirt up from where it was tossed on the floor earlier. As he pulled it over his head, Frank grabbed his shoes and his hoodie from the floor. Except instead of giving him the white one he'd been wearing when he came over, Frank handed him one of his old red ones.

Gerard zipped it up and raised one eyebrow when he saw the white one was still in Frank's lap.

Frank blushed. "I don't have the grey one anymore. This one," He said, hugging the other sweatshirt, "It still smells like you."

Gerard smiled, walked over and kissed Frank once more.

"I love you."

"I love you, too. I'll see you in the morning."

Gerard smiled and walked home, thankful that he could once again use the front door.

~~~~

"What time do your parents usually wake you up on Saturdays?"

Gerard shrugged. "They usually don't. They usually just let me sleep. They both work pretty early."

"Is it lonely being here by yourself all the time?"

"Not really," Gerard said, shrugging again. "I've got you."

"I mean before you had me," Frank elaborated, touching the tips of his fingers to Gerard's.

"I guess. Mom and Dad were always working and Mikey was always with Aly, so I usually just spent my weekends drawing and cleaning. When I think about it, I never knew it was lonely. I never had anyone that I hung out with, so being alone was normal. There wasn't anything I could compare it with, so it wasn't being alone, it was just being."

"What about now?"

Gerard sighed. "Being alone never really bothered me. Obviously, I'd rather be with you. Now that I think about it, being with you is just like being alone."

Frank raised his head off Gerard's shoulder and furrowed his brow in confusion.

"It's not work," Gerard explained, "Having to socialize with people at school or my extended family, it feels like a chore. But being around you... It feels normal. Like second nature. It's no more strenuous than being alone."

"That's a compliment, right?"

Gerard smiled and kissed Frank's forehead. "Yeah, that's a compliment. What about you?"

"What _about_ me?"

"How did you feel about being alone?"

Frank shrugged. "I wasn't really alone. I'm not a hermit like you, babe. I had friends. They weren't incredibly close to me, but they were friends. I went out with them, I had a few girlfriends, somewhat of a boyfriend. But even when I was alone, I wasn't alone. I had Sinatra. I know a dog is no substitute for a friend, but Sinatra was like a friggin' shadow from the day we brought him home. He wouldn't leave my side. He's damn near as old as I am. We grew up together. We were toilet-trained together," He said, smiling. "He means a lot to me. I had him, and Mom quit her job eventually, after Dad changed. She didn't wanna go through the hassle of covering the bruises every day. Plus, when she and Dad both worked, Dad got home about two hours before her. She didn't like leaving me alone with him for that long."

Gerard frowned. "How could he do that?"

"Smack around his only son?" Frank offered nonchalantly. "Who knows? Dad's fucked in the head. His dad did the same. That was how he was raised. But unlike him, my spirit wasn't broken. Dad tried, but he never broke me. He tried to beat me into a mold of the prodigal son; a kid that listens to his parents, respects his elders, keeps his hair neat and groomed and settles down with a nice America loving girl to have kids with and lives in a house with a white picket fence. I wasn't that. I was rude and questioning and defiant and I didn't respect anyone until they gave me a reason to."

Gerard smiled. If there was one thing Frank definitely was, it was defiant. It was one of Gerard's favorite things about him.

"I didn't mind," He said after a moment, "Every beating, every insult, every time he hit me, it was like he was telling me that I was nothing like him. If anything, it was fuel on the fire. I hated my father when I was a teenager, and I wanted to be nothing like him, so it was a compliment."

Gerard smiled in awe. "That's kind of inspiring."

Frank rolled his eyes and scoffed. "I had a rough childhood. Big deal. I'm not a sob story, and I don't want anyone's sympathy. I bit my tongue and took my licks, and that's it. I don't need therapy. I don't blame my father for how I turned out. I don't think I deserve special treatment because of what I've been through. I just wanna live my life."

Gerard considered that for a moment, phrasing a question several times in his head, trying to figure out if it was too personal.

"Do you still love your father?"

Frank's eyes glazed. He looked far away, like he was thinking of distant memories.

"I don't know," He said, and the honesty glimmered in his eyes. "Things were great when I was a kid. We hung out, watched movies. He taught me to play poker and stand at attention. He taught me all these arms drills with a plastic rifle," Frank remembered, smiling. "He was my favorite person for a long time. Then he got a promotion and started working longer hours. He locked himself in his study. The only time he ever came out was to eat and yell at me. I remember the first time he really smacked me. He was pitching a bitch about my grades and I said "Why do I need A's? Any idiot can join the military!" Holy fuck, Gerard. I didn't even see him raise his hand but it knocked me on my ass. I was so scared, I broke out in hysteric tears. In my 10 years, I'd never seen him so red, so angry. Of course, Mom yelled at him but he just stepped around her and slammed his study door. Didn't apologize or anything."

Gerard swallowed.

"I think I was 13 when I first saw him put his hands on my mother. He caught me with a joint and unleashed on me. I knew he was gonna if he found out, but I wasn't prepared for it. I remember I was curled up in a ball on the floor. My lip was split. He went to walk away. Mom saw the pile of me and tried to stop him by blocking his path to his study. He wasn't having that. He grabbed her by her arm and threw her against the wall. She hit her head and got a concussion. I had to drive her to the hospital."

"Oh, my god," Was all Gerard could think to say.

"I tried to shelter Mom as best I could. When I knew he'd been drinking, I'd specifically do things to draw his attention toward me. I'd smoke in the house, I'd steal his beer, I'd leave pot where he'd find it. I'd do anything to keep his hands on me and off my mother."

"That's so brave."

Frank rolled his eyes. "Anyone would do it. I think that's why Mom is so cool, so nice to me. I think she feels like she owes me or something."

As much as Gerard didn't want to ask, he was curious.

"Was he really okay when you told him you were gay?"

Frank shuddered softly. If he wasn't laying on Gerard, he wouldn't have felt it.

"No," He whispered. For the first time since the conversation started, Frank looked scared. He looked like his father was gonna burst through the bedroom door and beat him like he used to. His lip was quivering. Gerard set a comforting hand on the back of his neck.

Gerard was about to let it drop. From Frank's reaction just now, his father's reaction years ago wasn't a good one. Gerard didn't plan on ever bringing the subject up again, but something in Frank needed to say it.

"I don't know what he was thinking. Like you can beat someone straight," He said with a small, fake chuckle, rolling his eyes. Gerard saw right through it.

"That was the worst I ever got. I don't know what was wrong with me. I knew Mom was out. I knew there wasn't anyone to protect me. But I still decided that was the right time to tell him. The way he looked at me... Like I was nothing. Dirt. That was the first time I ever felt genuine hatred behind his fists. Usually he'd stop when I hit the ground, but he just kept going."

Frank inhaled a shuddering breath, and Gerard saw that there were tears building in his eyes.

"I don't know how long it lasted. It could've been ten minutes as easily as an hour. My head was throbbing and I couldn't feel my arms and I couldn't breath and I just kept spitting up more and more blood. When he finished, he just wiped the blood off his knuckles on my jeans and walked out the door. I couldn't move. When I tried to stand, my knees would give out and I'd collapse again. I guess I blacked out, because suddenly Mom was there, carrying me to the car. I had a concussion and three cracked ribs and two chipped teeth. Mom had to tell them I was in a car accident. Dad didn't come home for three days, and when he did, he couldn't look me in the eye. I don't know if he hated me, or if he was ashamed of himself. I still have those jeans," He said, sniffling. "They're stained with bloody handprints and I hate them. I keep them folded between my mattress and box spring. They're hideous and I can't stand the sight of them, but I can't bring myself to throw them away."

Frank set his forehead against Gerard's chest, and Gerard rubbed his back. "You're okay, Frank. He's not gonna hurt you anymore. I promise."

"You wanna know the really fucked up part?" He asked, raising his head. "I would forgive him," He whispered softly. "If he came back and genuinely apologized and told me that he loved me, I would let him back in my life. I don't know if I still love him, but I want to. He's my fucking father. A father is supposed to be the most important person in a kid's life, and all mine did was treat me like a punching bag, but somewhere deep inside, I still want him to love me."

Hearing Frank say that broke Gerard's heart.

"He doesn't deserve it," He said, running his fingers through Frank's hair. "He has an amazing son who just wants his approval and to make him happy and that's not enough. Forgive me, but your father's a fucking idiot. I'm glad you're nothing like him."

Frank chuckled soundlessly. "You and me both. I'm sure Mom's glad, too."

Gerard wiped the tears from Frank's face and hugged him tightly.

"I don't understand why anyone would ever wanna hurt you. You're so beautiful and sweet and amazing. You're so perfect, Frank."

Frank blushed and kissed Gerard slowly.

"I'm nowhere near perfect."

Before Gerard could argue, Frank kissed him again.

"But even with all my imperfections and flaws, I still managed to win the heart of the most amazing person I've ever met. I must be doing something right."

Gerard flushed from his hairline to his toes, and Frank ran his fingertips over his burning cheek.

"You're so beautiful when you're blushing."

Gerard blushed even harder, and curled up behind Frank. He slung a protective arm around Frank's chest.

"You're okay. I'll protect you," He whispered in Frank's ear.

Frank snuggled back against Gerard and the two fell asleep with their hands linked.


	38. Chapter 38

"Where are we going?" Frank asked as Gerard dragged him to his tool shed the next morning. Both his parents were at work, so they had a few hours to be free.

It was under two tarps and wedged between a box of old Christmas decorations and a huge terra cotta flower pot, but Gerard smiled when he found it. Frank just raised an eyebrow.

"Why do we need a gas can?"

Gerard just grabbed Frank's hand again and pulled him back towards his house. They walked around back and Gerard set the gas can by their fire pit before they walked inside. Frank still looked uneasy. His eyes widened when Gerard flopped down on the attic floor and started rooting around under his mattress.

"Gerard, what are you doing?"

Gerard felt cold denim in his hand, and he yanked the jeans out. He gasped when he unfolded them. They were so small. Frank had under-exaggerated, saying that his father had just wiped his knuckles off on them. The outer part of the left leg was completely smudged red, with patches where the blue still showed through. Gerard assumed that was the side Frank had been lying on the floor on. There were spatters and splashes covering the rest of them, and more than a dozen hand, finger and fist prints. Gerard wasn't surprised to see that both knees were ripped open. Even as a kid, Frank had a penchant for torn-up jeans.

He got back to his feet and reached for Frank's hand again, but Frank backed away.

"Gerard, what are you doing?" He asked. He sounded frightened.

Gerard wasn't ready to answer, so he just ducked around him and ran to the ladder.

"Gerard!" Frank yelled, running after him.

Gerard knew that while this cat-and-mouse game was probably gonna piss Frank off, it was the only way he'd come without resistance.

He booked it as fast as he could down the stairs and out the back door. He skipped the last two steps, jumping off the third and skittering to a stop behind the fire pit, facing the door. Gerard leaned forward, bracing himself on his knees. He needed to stop smoking. He could barely breathe.

Frank didn't bother with the stairs, he just hopped over the banister and ran straight for Gerard. He didn't bother with any of the steps, either. He leaped straight from the porch to the ground.

"Gerard, what the fuck?" He almost yelled, only barely out of breath.

"I'm trying to help you," Gerard panted as he stood up. He pulled a Zippo from his pocket.

Frank took a step backwards, widening his eyes. "You are not burning those."

"No, I'm not," Gerard said, a mischievous smile on his face. He held the lighter and the blood-stained jeans out to Frank. "You are."

"No," Frank said firmly. He was already shaking.

Gerard walked around the fire pit and set his hands on Frank's shoulders. "You can do this, Frank."

Frank wasn't even looking at Gerard. He was staring off into space. He had lost all color in his face, and he was picking at the skin around his thumbnails. Mikey did that when he was nervous, too.

When Frank finally looked at Gerard, there were wet trails down his cheeks. "I can't," He said, shaking his head. "I've tried. I tried throwing them away, cutting them up, I even tried to bury them in one of the holes Sinatra dug at our old house. I can't."

"You never had me before. You can't do this alone, Frank, and you don't need to. Your father is a dickhead. He's a bad person and a horrible father. You told me last night that you'd let him back in your life. That you want him to love you. Why? He has an amazing son that he doesn't want anything to do with besides put his hands on. He doesn't deserve to have you in his life. He had a chance to be a real man, to be a father to his only son, and he fucked it up. He doesn't deserve a second chance. And you, Frank. You need to get past this. I understand he's your father, but he doesn't act like one. Things may have been good when you were young, but it's not like that anymore. You don't need him. You've got people that love you. You need to kick him out of your life, and burning these horrid memories of the pain and torture he inflicted on you is the first step. I think if you get rid of these, once and for all, you'll realize that you're a better person without him. I love you so much, Frank. Linda loves you. You don't need him. Look at me," He said, shaking Frank softly. Sometime during the lecture, his gaze had fallen on the reddened jeans in Gerard's hand. Now he looked back into Gerard's eyes. "You don't need him," Gerard enunciated, speaking slowly.

Frank swallowed, softly pulling the jeans and the lighter from Gerard's hands. Gerard worried for a moment that Frank was gonna turn around and run back upstairs and hide them, but he just walked closer to the metal fire pit on shaky legs.

Gerard tipped the contents of the gas can into the pit, and stood next to Frank. Frank's lip was quivering, but he flipped open the lighter and brought the flame to the fabric in his hands. He started crying again as the flames spread up the red leg of the jeans. Frank sobbed once as he tossed them into the pit.

The flames rose, and Frank collapsed on the snow-covered ground. He brought his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around them and crying softly as he watched the pain from his childhood turn to ash. Gerard sat down next to him, slinging his arm around Frank's shoulders and rubbing his back.

A moment later, Sinatra trotted over to Frank, sitting down on his opposite side. He was taller than Frank and Gerard both, even sitting. Frank scratched his chin.

"Hey, buddy."

The dog growled and howled at the flames, like he knew that they were putting something evil to rest.

The trio sat in the snow for two hours, not moving and not speaking, until the last of the flames died down, and all that was left was the smoldering remains of Frank's relationship with his father.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of my favorite chapters in this story. ^_^


	39. Chapter 39

Gerard caught himself whistling as he crossed the street and headed for Frank's house. He didn't know if it was the three-day weekend or the fact that his parents were at a B&B in Vermont for the next 4 days, and he was free to be with Frank all he wanted, but the happiness was almost tangible in the air. He didn't know why, but he thought fleetingly about Valentine's Day. It was only in a few weeks. He'd never had to worry about Valentine's Day before. It was one of the happiest problems he'd ever had.

He didn't bother knocking. He just walked in. His breath caught in his throat. The walls, the furniture, the carpet were all covered in something red. Blood.

"Stop! Sinatra, stop!" Frank yelled from the kitchen.

Gerard sprinted toward the voice, leaving the front door wide open. "Frank?" He shrieked, already hysteric. "Frank!"

"Sinatra! Stop!" Frank yelled again.

No, it couldn't be. Sinatra loved Frank, protected him like a parent. He wouldn't attack him.

Gerard skidded to a stop in the kitchen. Frank was on his knees, kneeling next to Sinatra, whose tail was wagging like crazy. He looked happier than Gerard had ever seen him before.

Every part of Frank was covered in blood; it was coating his hands, caked in his hair, spattered and smeared all over his face.

"Frank!"

Frank looked up to Gerard. There was so much fear and concern in his eyes.

"Help me!" Was all he had to say before Gerard was almost power-sliding across the floor.

"Hold his tail still!" Frank barked, grabbing one of the three towels in his lap. It was just then that Gerard saw where the blood was coming from. The tip of Sinatra's tail was split open, and every time he wagged it, he was throwing more blood against the walls and the boys.

"Come on!" Frank yelled, and Gerard grabbed a firm hold of the base of the dog's tail. He tried to hold it, but Sinatra was fucking strong, and his tail was slick from the blood. He slipped out of Gerard's grip three times before Gerard finally got a firm, solid hold.

Frank wrapped gauze around Sinatra's long tail, then covered it with the towel. He used medical tape to hold the towel in place.

"Go get his leash and my keys!"

Gerard's heard skipped a few beats.

"Now!" Frank screeched when Gerard didn't move.

Gerard got to his feet and ran frantically around the house, looking for Sinatra's skull-printed leash and Frank's keys. He heard Frank trying to calm Sinatra from the kitchen as he searched.

"Calm down, boy. It's okay, buddy. You'll be okay," He sobbed. "You'll be okay, Sinatra. Calm down."

Gerard ran back into the kitchen and clipped Sinatra's leash to his collar. As soon as he did so, Frank was up and running out the door. Sinatra happily ran along with him.

"Let's go!"

Gerard stopped to close and lock the door. He saw that Frank and the dog were both stretched put in the backseat, so Gerard climbed in the driver's seat with no hesitation.

"What happened?" Gerard asked as they sped down the highway.

"It's called 'Happy Tail'," Frank spoke quickly, still running on pure adrenaline. "It's common in Great Danes," Frank sniffled. "He wags his tail so hard and so fast that he'll hit it against the wall and split it open. It's never bled this bad before," Frank explained, his voice breaking.

Sinatra whined, his head in Frank's lap. He was probably feeling the pain and the blood loss by now.

"Shhh... It's okay, boy. You'll be okay."

Gerard hated that sound. There was so much agony in Frank's voice. Sinatra was like a brother to him, and he was in pain. He could tell Frank was in pain, too.

They made record time to the vet. Frank and Sinatra were out of the car before it had even stopped moving. There was a puddle of blood in the backseat.

By the time Gerard had made it into the office, Sinatra was on a metal gurney being wheeled away through swinging metal doors, and there were two large vet techs holding Frank back from sprinting after him.

"You can't go back there, son. It's sterile. You need to stay here and fill out these forms," A vet in a lab coat spoke calmly, holding a clipboard laden with papers out to Frank.

Gerard walked up to him and set his hand on Frank's shoulder. It calmed him down enough so that he stopped trying to break out of the hands holding him back. He stepped away from them, turning and burying his face in Gerard's shoulder. He was shaking. Gerard wrapped an arm around his waist to steady him. Then he held his hand out for the papers.

"Thank you," he said to the vet, and he and Frank sat down. Frank was choking in breaths, trying to keep his crying soft.

"Oh, god, Gerard. There was so much blood. If anything happens to him," He shuddered. He closed his eyes and tears slipped down his cheeks.

"It's okay," Gerard said, rubbing Frank's back. It always relaxed him. "He'll be okay. You said this has happened before."

Frank shook his head. "Never that bad." He didn't say anything else.

Gerard filled out the papers as best he could, only needing to ask Frank things like Sinatra's medical history.

After he gave the papers back to the nurse, he went to the bathroom and wet a large pile of paper towels. He brought them out to the waiting room and tried to clean himself and Frank as best he could. Frank didn't really help, though. He just sat in an almost catatonic state as Gerard wiped his face and hands.

Frank's phone rang, and Gerard knew from the twinkling ringtone it was Linda.

"Mom?"

"Frank! Where are you? What happened here? Are you okay? What about Gerard?"

"I'm fine, Mom. Gerard, too. Mom, it's Sinatra. He... He..." Frank couldn't even get the words out.

Gerard grabbed the phone from Frank's hand. Frank put his head down on his knees, hugged himself and sniffled.

"Linda?"

"Gerard, thank god! What happened to Sinatra? Is he okay?"

"I don't know. I guess he hit his tail on the wall and it split open."

"Again?"

"Yeah. We're at the vet on Westhavan."

"I'll be there in five minutes," Linda said quickly. Then there was only silence.

Gerard didn't bother giving the phone back to Frank. He just slid it in his pocket along with his own.

Ten minutes later, Linda rushed through the door, still in zebra-print scrubs. The second Frank saw her, he exploded out of his seat and ran to her, collapsing into her arms. He sobbed and sniffled and cried against her hair.

"Mom, I'm so scared!"

"Shhh... It'll be okay, Frankie. He'll be okay."

Linda sat next to Gerard, and Frank sat next to her, leaning against her shoulder.

After another fifteen minutes of sheer agony, the vet came back into the waiting room and walked up to the group, focusing on Frank. It was obvious that Sinatra was Frank's dog, not Linda's.

"The black Dane named Sinatra is yours?"

Frank gripped his mother's hand so tightly her fingers were turning purple. He nodded.

The look on the doctor's face scared the hell out of Gerard. He looked so sad.

"The tail will take about 6 stitches to close."

"'Will take'?" Frank asked, almost angry, "Not 'Took'? Why haven't you stitched him up yet?"

The doctor inhaled deeply.

"We didn't want to waste resources without speaking to the owner."

Frank's face went white.

"Your dog has terminal bone cancer."

Frank stopped breathing, Gerard could see it from where he was sitting. Tears that had already been glittering in his eyes were making their way down his cheeks. He hugged Linda tightly, burying his face in her shoulder and sobbing.

"No! _NO_!" He shrieked.

"Is there anything you can do?" Linda asked softly.

The doctor shook his head softly. "We can remove the tumor, but it's highly unlikely to make a difference, especially at such a late stage. It's spread throughout his entire body."

Gerard wished he would just shut up. Every word was making Frank cry harder.

"We could try chemo, but it would be expensive, with only about a 12% chance of recovery. Without chemo, he has about 2 months. 6 with regular chemotherapy treatments. With or without, it's almost a guarantee that he'll be in pretty intense pain. Usually with a case this far gone, we recommend immediate euthanasia."

Gerard and Linda both gasped, and Frank almost screamed. He hadn't pulled his head off Linda's shoulder.

"Thank you, Doctor," Linda said softly, and Gerard was amazed that she kept her voice level. Even he was crying by now.

The doctor walked away, and Linda tried to pull Frank into a sitting position. She needed Gerard's help to pry his arms from around her neck. His eyes were red and puffy, his face was soaked with tears and still had dried blood on it.

"Oh, god. Why? Mom, why did this have to happen?"

"Listen, honey. Bone cancer is common in Great Danes, and Sinatra's almost eighteen years old. The normal life span for a Dane is 6 to 8 years. He's had a good run, don't you think? He's outlived the odds by 200%. We knew this was gonna happen one day. I understand it hurts, baby. He's been with you your entire life. But you need to let go. He's your dog, so it's your decision."

Gerard moved to the chair on the opposite side of Frank. Frank looked back and forth between Gerard and his mother. They were all crying.

"I don't wanna lose him, Mom," Frank whispered, shaking his head.

"Oh, I know, baby. But you have to. I'm so sorry, honey," she said softly as she wiped a tear from his face.

Frank sniffled and licked his lower lip. "I guess... I don't want him to be in pain."

Linda smiled softly and sniffled. "That's my boy. You're so strong, Frankie," She whispered, hugging him.

"I-I can't tell him."

Linda nodded. "I will tell the doctor. Stay right here," She patted his knee as she got out of her seat and went to find the vet.

Frank traded her shoulder for Gerard's.

"What am I gonna do without my boy?" He whispered into Gerard's neck.

Gerard took to running his hand over Frank's back again. "I'm sorry, Frank. I'm so sorry. I know how much you love him."

"I do. I love him so fucking much, Gerard."

"I know, Frank," He whispered.

A moment later, the doctor came over and told them that the euthanasia would be administered at 10 o'clock the next morning, and that they could go say goodbye.

Frank had a firm hold of Gerard's hand the entire time. The doctor left them at the door. Frank entered the antiseptic-smelling room and walked right up to the table, where Sinatra was lying on his side, looking exhausted. Gerard opted to stand beside the door and let Frank say goodbye in peace.

Sinatra's tail started wagging when he saw Frank. It thumped against the table. That made him smile. He grabbed one of Sinatra's front paws like a hand, holding it tightly.

"Hey, boy," he whispered. His voice was pure anguish.

Sinatra licked his face in response.

"You're sick, buddy. You–" His words caught in his throat. He sniffled and tried again. "I love you, buddy. So much. I just wanted you to know that. I'll never forget every lick, every tail wag, every bark. Every time you woke me up by slobbering on my face. Every time you smacked me in the face with your tail. All the spiders you killed because you knew I hated them," He smiled through his tears. "You're my boy. Remember that. I love you. Mom loves you. Even Gerard loves you. And we're so sorry. We're all gonna miss you, boy. We have to go. But be strong. Be brave. You're a good boy. The doctors here... They're gonna take real good care of you, okay? You be good for them. Show them what a good boy you are. I miss you already," He sniffled. "You're gonna be okay. You're not gonna hurt anymore. I love you."

He leaned in and kissed Sinatra's wet nose.

"Gimme one more time. Say 'Hi' one last time, buddy."

A huge noise built in Sinatra's chest, and he barked once, louder than Gerard had ever heard him bark before.

Frank chuckled. "Good boy," He said, scratching his ears. "We have to go now."

Sinatra tried to stand, but Frank set his hand on his stomach. "No, boy. You have to stay. You hear me? Stay."

The dog whined, and Frank squeezed his eyes shut, setting his head on Sinatra's massive chest for a moment. When he stood back up, he reached up and unhooked Sinatra's collar, taking it from his neck and sticking it in his pocket.

"I love you, boy. Good-bye," He said one last time before he turned and walked towards the door.

Gerard waved. "Good-bye, Sinatra," He said, sniffling. 

He took Frank's hand and they walked out the door. As soon as the stainless steel doors swung closed behind them, Sinatra gave one last howl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for both this terrible chapter and having been AWOL for so long.
> 
> I haven't been at the hotel I work at because I messed up my back at the pizza place I work at and my hotel manager was being a dick and trying to fire me for calling in sick three days in a row even though I had a doctor's note and was on three different painkillers and muscle relaxers and couldn't move but that's all cleared up now and here you go!


	40. Chapter 40

Gerard felt that Frank needed some alone time, so they spent the night at their own houses.

Gerard spent the whole night staring up at his ceiling. He just wanted to hug Frank and kiss his tears away. He knew that Frank wouldn't be sleeping. He knew that Frank was probably curled in a ball on his bed, hugging Gerard's sweatshirt and trying not to to wake Linda up with his crying.

When his phone chimed at 7:00, he wasn't in the least bit surprised.

_hey, can you come over?_

Gerard was already getting dressed as he typed out a hasty reply.

_im on my way_

Gerard was almost certain he was up Frank's tree and in his room before Frank even got the message.

As predicted, Frank was sitting on the edge of his bed, Gerard's sweatshirt in his lap, Sinatra's collar hanging from his fingers.

"Oh, Frank," Gerard said sadly.

Frank sniffled. "Hey."

Gerard sat down next to him, setting his arm around his shoulders. Frank leaned into him. He glanced at his alarm clock, which read 7:13. "Two hours and 47 minutes to go," He said softly.

Gerard frowned. Frank still had Sinatra's blood in his hair and on his clothes.

"You need to go take a shower."

"You'll stay, right?"

Gerard smiled softly. "Of course."

Frank smiled feebly, gathered some clothes and walked downstairs.

Gerard laid down and stared at the ceiling for a while, remembering just how happy Frank was around Sinatra. As Gerard looked around the room, he noticed that along with the band stickers and drawings on Frank's headboard, Frank had also tacked up a few pictures of Sinatra. They weren't there the last time he'd been here.

One was a picture of the two of them when they were young. Sinatra was lying in his dog bed on his side, Frank was curled up next to him. They were sleeping, and one of Sinatra's legs was thrown over Frank.

Another was of Frank on what Gerard assumed was his middle school graduation. He was wearing a blue gown, kneeling next to Sinatra, who was wearing his cap, and trying to bite the tassel.

The last was at some outdoor picnic or something. Sinatra was sitting on a folding table filled with food, with icing covering his face. Frank was on the ground in front of the table, holding his sides and laughing.

"That was his graduation from obedience school," Frank said from behind him.

Gerard jumped. He hadn't heard Frank climb up to the attic, which was saying something, because that ladder creaked for almost nothing.

"Obedience school, huh?" Gerard asked, raising an eyebrow.

Frank chuckled. "As soon as he got his certificate and the treat, he ran out of line and devoured everything on the lunch table. He's defiant. A hell raiser, just like his old man," Frank said, smiling.

Gerard chuckled.

Frank's hair was dripping and, thankfully, blood-free.

Gerard hugged him tightly. "You know this is for the best, right? He's probably been in a lot of pain for a while."

Frank sniffed. "Yeah, I know. The sad part is that I know he didn't mind. He'd endure the pain just to be with me. We weren't just master and pet. We were friends."

"I know."

Frank pulled out of the hug and looked at the clock. "Two hours and 25 minutes."

"Stop that," Gerard said firmly.

Frank chuckled.

They walked downstairs, where Linda was already awake.

"Hey, Mom."

Linda tried inconspicuously to wipe her tears away, but Frank and Gerard both saw her do it. Neither of them said anything.

"Hey, baby. How are you?"

Frank smiled sadly. "I'll be okay."

Linda stood and hugged him.

They decided that they didn't need to spend the day pouting, so instead, they went out to eat and scope the mall. Frank ended up with a new Misfits shirt, two new pairs of gloves and a new distortion pedal. Sinatra was a fleeting thought in their minds. They were all smiling and laughing.

Gerard caught Frank sniffling once, and he grabbed his hand tightly. Only then did he realize that it was exactly 10.

~~~~

Days later, Frank still wasn't completely with Gerard. Gerard often found him staring into space during their conversations, or frowning.

That Tuesday after school, Gerard intercepted Mikey.

"I need your help," He said as he grabbed Mikey's shirt and pulled him to the car.

"Yeah, I didn't have plans with Alicia or anything," Mikey said, throwing his hands up and rolling his eyes. But he came without further protest.

Two humane societies, three pet stores, and two newspaper ads later, Gerard was making his way over to Frank's house, Mikey walking beside him, carrying a large box.

Gerard knocked excitedly. His insides were twisting. He didn't know if this was gonna cheer Frank up or offend him.

Frank opened the door, and the sad look on his face cheered significantly when he saw Gerard.

"Hi?" He asked, raising an eyebrow when he saw Mikey and the box in his hands.

"Can we come in?" Gerard asked, hopeful.

Frank stepped aside and opened the door wide to let them in. Mikey set the box on the floor and knelt beside it.

"What's this?"

Gerard took Frank's hands in his.

"I know that you've been really upset since Sinatra died."

Frank frowned again.

"And I completely understand. You have so much energy that he balanced you out. He was an awesome companion, something that no matter how I try, I can never be. And to see you without him is almost painful. I'd give anything to see you smile again. So..."

He trailed off, kneeling beside Mikey. He motioned for Frank to join them, and he did.

"I know that Sinatra is irreplaceable. You grew up with him. He was like a brother to you. But I thought, maybe I can give you a sister."

Frank cocked an eyebrow, and Gerard lifted the lid from the box.

"Awww!" Frank almost gasped when he looked in the box. The tiny beagle was staring up at him with wide eyes.

"I know how much you love dogs, so I know that the only way you'll be happy is if you have one. This girl," Gerard said, taking the dog from the box and cradling her against his chest, "Is 5 months old. She's a purebred beagle. We thought she'd be perfect for you. Beagles are famous for boundless energy. It's a match made in Heaven," he said as he held the dog out to Frank.

Frank took her in his hands and lifted her to his face.

"Hey. Hi, honey," He cooed. The dog licked his nose, and he smiled.

"Gerard, she's adorable!"

"Really? You like her?"

Frank nodded and put her down on the floor. She immediately climbed into his lap and curled up.

"You don't think it's too soon?"

That stopped Frank for a second, and Gerard got very nervous.

Frank blew out a big breath and asbentmindedly scratched the dog's ears. "Yes, and no. I mean, I love Sinatra, and I always will. I don't want it to seem like I'm trying to replace him, because Im not, and I never could. But I do already miss being woken up by slobbery dog kisses, and playing fetch and walking a dog, and just having something _there_ , you know? And as much as I love Sinatra and want to honor his memory, I can't be depressed forever. And another dog is a great way to keep me occupied. A great way to keep my mind off him. She's perfect. Thank you."

He leaned in as far as he could without disturbing the dog and kissed Gerard.

"I'd like to point out," Mikey chimed in as they separated, "That Snoopy is a beagle."

Frank and Gerard both rolled their eyes.

"What are you gonna name her?" Mikey asked.

Frank thought for a moment, tickling under the dog's chin. "Bela. After my grandmother. Her name is Isabela, and she's the one that actually picked out Sinatra for me."

Gerard smiled. "It's beautiful."

Frannk returned his smile, and turned his attention to the sleeping puppy in his lap.

"Guess we need a collar, huh, Sweetie?" He spoke softly, and Gerard noticed the small dog's tail wag a little.

They were perfect for each other, and Gerard was proud of himself for having found a great match.

He scooted closer to Frank and kissed him, while Mikey rolled his eyes and pretended to gag.


	41. Chapter 41

"How's Bela?" Gerard asked as Frank walked through his door.

He kicked his shoes off and slid into Gerard's bed with him, kissing him slowly.

"She chewed up one of Mom's slippers this morning," Frank answered, smiling. "But then she curled up in her lap and slept for an hour, so Mom forgave her."

"When are you gonna enroll her in obedience school?"

"Well, it's been a week. The sooner, the better."

"Where are you gonna send her?"

Frank sighed. "I don't know," he said, settling in beside Gerard and linking their fingers, "I think it's something we should figure out together. Like parents picking a preschool, or some shit..." He admitted, blushing and looking away.

Gerard smiled and turned Frank's face to his.

"Is Bela gonna be our daughter?"

Frank blushed again and pushed Gerard's shoulder.

"Shut up," He said, smiling.

Gerard leaned in quickly and stole a kiss from Frank's upturned lips.

"Are you tired?" Gerard asked, honestly meaning just that.

Frank smiled wickedly. "Not at all," He answered, setting a hand on Gerard's neck and pulling him in for a long, deep kiss.

Gerard rolled his eyes. He wasn't trying to start anything. He was honestly asking, but he wasn't about to complain, because Frank was rolling his body against his and– _fuck_ , did he feel amazing.

Gerard pulled out of the kiss with a smile. "You're a little horn-dog, you know that?"

Frank chuckled. "I wasn't until I met you."

Gerard glared at him.

"Okay, so maybe I spent a little too much time in the bathroom," He admitted.

Gerard laughed. "I didn't need to know that," He said, chuckling.

"Oh, cuz you were a choir boy yourself?"

"Not... Exactly," Gerard drew out, "But I sure as hell wasn't a deviant like yourself!"

"How old?" Frank asked with a smirk, leaning up on his elbows.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Gerard said haughtily.

"How old were you the first time you jerked off?"

Gerard scoffed. "Can you phrase it a little more eloquently?"

"Spanked the monkey? Choked the chicken? Slapped the salami? Fisted your Mister? Jerked the gherkin? Flicked your Bic? Done the Hand-to-Pants dance? Shellacked the shillelagh?"

"Oh my god, stop!" Gerard barely said. He was laughing too hard to speak properly.

"Dude, I've got tons more!"

"No. Please God, no more!" Gerard panted.

Frank just smiled.

"Jesus Christ," Gerard said, wiping his eyes.

"Are you gonna answer my question, or are you gonna make me keep going?" Frank asked, one eyebrow raised.

Gerard surrendered with a sigh. "12," He muttered under his breath.

"Dude!"

"What?"

" _12_?"

" _What_?"

"I was _14_!"

Though he kept his face composed, he smiled inside, knowing that in one aspect, at least, he'd been quicker on the draw than Frank. Although the fact that it was masturbation should've made him feel at least a little ashamed. It didn't.

"That's because you were too busy smoking pot with James."

Frank mulled that over for a minute.

"Yeah, probably."

"Do you have a problem with my sexual deviancy?" Frank asked. It sounded like he was asking a honest question, like he wasn't setting Gerard up for a joke.

Gerard smiled, a little wickedly. "Not at all. In fact," He purred, running his nails down the front of Frank's shirt, "I find it to be quite the turn-on."

"Oh, do you?" Frank asked as he leaned in. He pulled the collar of Gerard's shirt down and sucked a bruise into his collarbone.

Gerard moaned softly, grabbing Frank's hips and pulling them against his own.

Gerard almost shrieked when his hipbone vibrated. Frank hid his laugh in Gerard's neck.

"You're such a girl," He said, laying back on his back and pulling his phone from his pocket. He flipped it open, scoffed, and showed it to Gerard.

The screen was filled with an old couple getting married. It read 'Love can wait. So can sex.'

Gerard snickered.

"Mom, you are _such_ a cockblock," Frank said to the ceiling.

"She just loves you," Gerard teased, poking Frank in the side.

"It's like she's worried I'm gonna get pregnant or something."

Gerard cocked an eyebrow. "So does this mean you're the girl in the relationship?" He said with a smirk.

Frank rolled his eyes and flipped over onto his side. He patted the bed in front of him. Gerard claimed the spot gladly.

~~~~

When Gerard woke up, there was a hand in his hair, lips against his forehead, and a leg twined between his.

He pressed a soft kiss to Frank's chest, and felt Frank smile against his skin.

"Morning, beautiful," He whispered into Frank's shirt.

Frank's chest shook with one silent chuckle. "Good morning. How'd you sleep?"

Gerard yawned and wiggled as close as he could get to Frank.

"Like I had the world's most amazing boyfriend next to me, so pretty fucking fantastic."

"Oh, stop. My head doesn't need to get any bigger."

Gerard couldn't see, but he knew Frank was rolling his eyes with that sentence.

"But you do need to know that you're amazing. You're smart and funny and sweet and cute and sexy and nice and kind and I love you more than I could ever put into words."

Gerard leaned back so he could see Frank's face, and the soft smile gracing it.

"Way to set the bar. I was just gonna say 'I love you', but now it's gonna sound way too inadequate."

Gerard chuckled, set his hand on Frank's neck, and brought Frank's lips towards his own. But he teasingly licked at Frank's lips, instead of actually kissing him.

Frank made a frustrated noise. "I'm gonna bite your tongue if you keep doing that," Frank said devilishly.

Gerard hissed at the thought. But he knew Frank would never hurt him, so he did it once more.

Frank was apparently fed up, and he firmly grasped Gerard's face with both hands, holding him in place, and finally kissed him.

Gerard chuckled into Frank's mouth.

When there was a sudden, sharp knock at his door, he didn't know who jumped higher.

"Fuck!" Frank screamed in a whisper.

Thinking fast, Gerard pushed Frank off his bed. He almost wanted to smile at the bewildered expression on Frank's face when he hit the ground, but there was no time.

"Under!" He whispered, and Frank rolled under his bed.

Gerard dropped his large, fluffy comforter on the floor, and it, thankfully, was tall enough to block the view underneath the bed.

"Come in!" Gerard yelled.

Donna walked in, dressed in her sleek, black outfit for work.

"Morning, honey."

"Good morning, Mom," Gerard said, either a little too quickly or a little too loudly. He was still nervous.

Donna made a face, but apparently decided it wasn't that big of a deal.

"Can we talk?" She asked, walking over to the bed and sitting down. Gerard's heart started beating a little faster. If only she knew how close she was to Frank.

"Sure," Gerard said, sitting up and crossing his legs.

"Listen, I know you've been really upset lately. I know you were really close to Frank," She said, setting a, what she thought was, comforting hand on Gerard's knee. Gerard wanted to slap her hand away.

"And I know that our forbidding you from seeing him hurt. But you have to understand, this is for the best. He is a homosexual."

Gerard glared at her and scoffed. It was his fault for assuming she'd have something decent to say.

"And homosexuals are pigs."

"Mom!"

"They're disgusting sinners that deserve to burn. It's better that you don't have that in your life."

"That is enough!" Gerard yelled as he jumped off his bed. "Homosexuals are people! They have rights and in case you've forgotten, your son is one."

Donna closed her eyes and shook her head.

"You are not," She said, opening her eyes, "You were confused, but we cleared your head. You're better without Frank. You should be thanking your father and me."

"First of all, I was not, nor am I currently, confused. I know who I'm attracted to and who I love. And no matter what you say or do, I'm in love with Frank. You think you fixed me, but all you did was make me push away my absolute favorite person in the world. I shouldn't be thanking you for shit."

Donna stood, her mouth a thin, tight line. "You obviously just woke up. You're still tired, so I'll excuse the way you're speaking to me. _This_ time."

"I'm not better without Frank. Even if we weren't in love, Frank is a perfect friend and he's exactly the kind of person I need in my life."

Donna closed the distance between herself and her son, sticking her face in his. "You don't need that kind of sick, perverted, disgusting person in your life. If there is a single thing I did right as a mother, it was keeping dirty faggots out of your life. And if there was one thing I did wrong, it was not teaching you to hate them like they should be hated."

"Just remember that your firstborn son is exactly the kind of dirty faggot you hate so much. Still think your parenting was so successful?"

With that, Gerard opened his door wide and nodded toward it.

Donna looked a little taken aback, but she left without another word. But she did pull out his full name when he slammed the door after her.

Gerard fell into his desk chair, sighed and wrapped his fingers in his hair. Sometimes talking to his parents was like talking to a fucking brick wall.

"You okay?"

Gerard jumped. He'd honestly forgotten that Frank was under his bed.

"I'm fine," He answered softly.

Frank wiggled his way out from under Gerard's bed. "Jesus, does your mother hate me."

"And for no reason," He said, shaking his head, "They don't realize how much you've helped, how good it is for me to have you. And the fact that if it wasn't for you, I'd have OD'd on painkillers months ago _because_ of them."

Frank grimaced. He obviously didn't enjoy that particular memory.

He walked over to Gerard and hugged him tightly.

"Thank you. For sticking up for me and defending me and telling your mother that you're still in love with me."

Gerard smiled, grabbed Frank's hand and kissed it. "I am completely in love with you. They caused me enough pain and anguish in the time we were apart. They can deal with some themselves. I know they hate hearing that I'm in love with you," Gerard said with a smirk.

"You're a lot more evil than I gave you credit for."

Gerard chuckled. He wasn't this evil until he met his boyfriend.


	42. Chapter 42

After that, things got so much harder.

~~~~

"Stop!" Gerard yelled as Frank was about to turn onto their street. Frank had started driving Gerard home again, since both his parents were at work when they got off.

Something was wrong today.

Frank slammed on the brakes. "What?" He yelled.

Gerard pointed to his driveway. His mother's white Taurus was still parked there.

"Mom's home," Gerard said with a gulp.

"Why is she home?"

Gerard shook his head. "I don't know."

Frank closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the headrest. Suddenly, he slammed his hands against his steering wheel with a force that made Gerard jump.

" _Fuck_! Why do I feel like this is just a really fucking bad case of déjà vu?"

"Babe, calm down," Gerard said, setting a hand on his knee.

"I'm not losing you again," Frank said, wild-eyed.

Gerard set a hand on either side of his face. "No, you're not. I'm gonna go, but I'll text you later. I love you."

Frank nodded. "I love you, too."

With one last kiss, Gerard stepped out into the cold, walking home alone.

When he walked through the door, he saw that Donna was sitting in jeans and a t-shirt on the couch, sipping coffee and watching 'Maury'.

"Mom?"

"Hey, Gerard. How was school?"

"Fine," He answered, slipping his shoes off. "Why aren't you at work?"

"Well," Donna said, going to refill her mug, "Your father and I have discussed it. I'm gonna step down from manager to shift lead. That means I'll be spending more time at home with you and Mikey."

"What?" Gerard had meant to ask it, but he almost screamed it.

"Is there something wrong with that?" Donna asked, raising an eyebrow.

Gerard smiled as sincerely as he could. "Not at all. I'm glad you'll be home more," He said, stepping forward and hugging her. "I'm gonna go start my homework."

He was dialing Frank's number before he was even down the stairs.

"What's up?" Frank asked worriedly.

Gerard shut his bedroom door and leaned against it. "Something's wrong," He said, taking deliberate deep, slow breaths in an attempt to not hyperventilate.

"Obviously. _What's_ wrong?"

Gerard shook his head. "I don't know. I think she knows about us. Or at least has a inkling."

"Fuck me!"

Gerard knew how Frank would look when he said that; eyes wild, mouth a scowl, hand probably wrapped in his hair.

"She's gonna be here when I get home from now on. She probably won't be working Saturdays anymore, either."

Frank sighed. "Cuz this shit wasn't hard enough."

"So what do we have now? School, sneaking out at night, and the occasional occurrence where Mom and Dad are both at work, and I'll bet any money those will be few and far between."

Frank sighed again.

"I can't do this," Gerard blurted out.

"Do what?"

"I can't not be with you. It killed last time. Sneaking around is bad enough, but now..." He ran a hand through his hair, "We could be talking about going days without seeing each other."

"I know, baby. I don't like it, either. But we can do this. It's not that long. We're strong enough to do this, right?"

"Yeah. We can do this."

"That's my boy," Frank said, and Gerard heard the smile in his voice, "I love you. Even with all the shit your family is putting us through. At least you know I'm madly in love with you. If I wasn't, I wouldn't deal with this shit."

Gerard smiled. "I know. Thank you for going through this just for me."

"Just for you? _Just_ for you? Gerard, you're an idiot. You're a prize and a catch and I'm lucky to have you. You're worth much more than a little sneaking around."

Gerard felt his cheeks get hotter with every word. "You're amazing, you know that?"

"Yeah. Text me later, okay? You're sneaking out tonight, not me."

"Deal. I love you."

"I love you, too."

~~~~

Gerard woke with a groan about two minutes before his alarm was scheduled to go off. He hated when that happened.

His alarm went off at midnight. At 12:02, Frank texted him.

_im waiting!_

Gerard chuckled to himself.

**hold your horses. I'm putting my shoes on**

_well, speed it the fuck up, princess! im cold, and no one makes a better blanket than you =)_

Gerard couldn't help but blush.

~~~~

Gerard was barely through Frank's window before Frank was kissing him, hands in his hair, tongue on his lips, hips pressed tightly against his.

"Did you miss me?" Gerard asked between hurried kisses.

"Like crazy!" Frank said as he pulled Gerard towards his bed. "You scared the hell out of me this afternoon."

"I scared the hell out of myself," Gerard said with a sigh. "We can make this work, right?"

Frank ran a hand through his Gerard's hair. "Of course. Let's lay down," He said, nodding toward his bed, "I'm tired."

Gerard complied, crawling into bed with Frank and curling up next to him. A second later, Bela came and squeezed herself between the two. Gerard kissed her nose and Frank scratched her ears.

Frank turned out the lights, and Gerard stared at the bright green handprints on the wall. He sighed.

Frank felt his chest move. He nuzzled his nose into Gerard's neck, where he pressed a quick kiss to his jaw.

"Just imagine it... After graduation. We can get our own place. We can get a friend for Bela," He said, scratching the dog's chin, "We can sleep in the same bed every night, without having to set alarms. We can kiss and hold hands whenever we want. When we say I love you, we won't have to whisper. We won't have to jump apart when someone comes into the room. We can be together. You can draw me whenever you want. I can write you songs."

Frank had Gerard in a euphoric state with the mental picture. Frank leaned in close to whisper in Gerard's ear.

"We can spend entire days in bed, just touching each other. We can sleep naked. I could blow you in any room, without worrying about being caught. You wouldn't have to bite your lip to keep quiet when I fuck you. You could moan and gasp like I know you want to."

Gerard's mouth slipped open slightly, and he moaned softly.

Frank smiled wickedly, kissed Gerard's cheek and curled up in the fetal position.

"Night!"

Gerard shook his head.

 _Tease..._ He scowled as he wrapped an arm around Frank's waist.


	43. Chapter 43

"Happy Valentine's Day."

Frank yawned into the receiver. "Why are you whispering? Are your parents awake?"

"Yeah," Gerard said with annoyance.

"Then why didn't you call me later?"

"Cuz I wanted to call you right now. Its only fitting that I call you as soon as I wake up, considering you're the first thing I think about when I wake up. I didn't wanna wait til later."

"Sorry to break it to you, babe, but what you want really doesn't matter anymore. We're dating around your parents' schedule now."

Gerard rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I know. When will you be home?"

"Ugh. Saturday," Frank groaned, and Gerard heard the exasperation in his voice. "I don't know why Mom decided we needed to go see Aunt Cheryl _this_ week. She knew if we did that I'd be gone for Valentine's day."

Gerard shrugged. "She probably figured that we couldn't do anything special anyway. Not with both my parents home today."

"One of us could've snuck out. Spending the night together is better than just talking on the phone."

"Gerard!" Donna called from behind his bedroom door.

"I'm up!" Gerard called.

"Hurry up! You're gonna be late."

"Okay!" Gerard held his phone back up to his ear, once again whispering, "This sucks. My first Valentine's Day that actually matters, and I can't spend it with my boyfriend."

"I know. But we can make it up when I get home," Frank said with a smile in his voice. "I love you."

"I love you, too. Text me later."

"I will. Bye, babe."

"Bye."

Gerard hung up his phone with a sigh, and walked upstairs to join Mikey on the frigid walk to school.

~~~~

Gerard stirred slightly as a cold hand ran up his arm.

He rolled over and opened his eyes.

"Hey, gorgeous."

"Frank?" He yawned. "What time is it?"

Frank smiled. "A little after 11."

Gerard chuckled as quietly as he could as he sat up. "Are you fucking insane? My parents are still awake!"

Frank leaned in and kissed Gerard's neck. "Then I guess you'll have to be extra quiet," He said as he bit down on the tender flesh softly.

Gerard moaned, low and throaty, and even though he knew his basement was soundproof, he shot a look at his bedroom door. This was crazy. This was insane. His parents didn't usually go to bed for another hour. They were sure to get caught. He'd never see Frank again.

As much as the danger terrified him, he couldn't keep his hands off Frank, setting one hand on his hip and digging his nails in slightly, while the other firmly grasped the back of his neck.

Frank was sucking, what Gerard assumed was, a pretty huge hickey into his neck. Occasionally Gerard would moan as Frank sucked, or gasp when he dug his sharp teeth into the tender bruise.

"There's no point in marking me anymore, Frank. Everyone knows I'm yours."

Frank finished the hickey with a rather hard bite that had Gerard arching into him. "I know. It's still fun, though. You're so pale. You look so pretty covered in bruises."

"You know," Gerard said as Frank crawled under his blanket with him and kissed the other side of his neck, "That almost sounds rape-y. Kind of sadistic."

Frank pulled back, and the evil, mischievous smile that Gerard had come to know so well was draped across his lips. "I can _get_ sadistic if you want me to." To emphasize his point, he grabbed a handful of Gerard's hair and yanked, pulling Gerard's head back and giving him even more access to the ivory skin he loved so much. 

Frank was an ass. Though he was joking about sadism, he knew that Gerard was something of a masochist. Getting scratched, getting his hair pulled, getting bit... There was something about the pain that just lit Gerard on fire, and Frank knew it. And he took full advantage of it as often as possible.

As his hands traveled lower to squeeze Frank's ass, a thought popped into Gerard's head.

"Why are you here? You're not supposed to be home until tomorrow."

"My cousin broke his arm," Frank said against Gerard's skin, "So we came home a day early."

"Is he gonna be okay?"

Frank pulled back and cocked an eyebrow. "Why do you care?"

"Because some people don't get to skate through life on their boyish good looks," He joked, poking Frank in the side. "Some of us need to be polite to be liked."

Frank scoffed. "You don't need to be polite. You could skate through life on your boyish good looks and insane artistic talent. Add your beautiful singing voice and you're a triple threat!"

Gerard blushed and rolled his eyes.

"Anyway, do you really wanna talk about my cousin right now? Cuz I'm not really into that. My family is a total boner-killer."

"Wow. You are so ridiculously..."

"Charming?"

"Tactless."

Frank scoffed and rolled over, his back to Gerard. Gerard hugged him.

"But I love you anyway!"

That cracked Frank, who rolled back over and went back to his previous position of sucking on Gerard's neck.

~~~~

Gerard was surprised by Frank again two days later.

He smiled as he heard the sound of Frank's worn Etnies on the the cracked concrete of his stairwell. As usual, Frank just opened the door and walked in. He never knocked.

He did, however, launch himself into Gerard's bed.

"I thought I was sneaking out tonight?" Gerard asked as he kissed Frank's cold lips.

Frank just shrugged. "I just felt like coming to see you. If its that big a deal, we can go over to my place."

Gerard rolled his eyes and kissed Frank again.

"I'm fine right here," he said, pressing himself against Frank as closely as possible.

"Ow, fuck!"

Gerard pulled his hands off Frank, his eyes wide with worry.

"Are you okay?" He asked quickly.

Frank smiled. "Yeah. You were just digging your fingers into a particularly tender bruise. Thanks for that, by the way."

Gerard smiled sheepishly. He knew exactly the bruise Frank was talking about. A few nights prior, Gerard decided that he was gonna try to make the longest-lasting hickey that he'd ever given Frank, and spent a good 15 minutes sucking and biting on one particular spot near his hipbone.

To make up for it, he unbuttoned and unzipped Frank's jeans, pulling them and his boxers down just slightly, just enough to show the bruise. He hissed when he saw it. It was a lot larger and much darker than it had been two days ago.

"Sorry."

Frank just smiled and shook his head at Gerard.

Gerard pressed a soft kiss to the sore spot. Actually, it took about 4 or 5 to cover the area of the bruise. He flicked his tongue out against the purple, and when he did, Frank closed his eyes and bit his lip.

Gerard kept at it, quickly running the tip of his tongue over the bruise again and again, until Frank was moaning and throwing his head around.

"Jesus Christ, Gerard."

Gerard chuckled evilly as he ran his tongue along the hem of Frank's jeans, stopping right above the zipper, where he kissed the soft skin. But before Gerard could pull Frank's jeans down any farther, Frank grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him up to face him, kissing him hard and heatedly, raking his fingers down his face and biting his lip.

"Jesus, Frank. Don't hold back, now."

"Oh, shut up," Frank said, barely detaching himself from Gerard.

Gerard struggled to pull Frank's shirt off. Frank was reluctant to take his lips off Gerard for even a second. But he finally did, and Gerard's shirt wasn't far behind.

Frank laid a series of kisses to Gerard's neck and shoulders as Gerard ran his nails down his back over and over.

Frank kissed a line down to Gerard's collarbone, where he quickly sucked a bruise into the skin before setting his head against Gerard's chest.

Gerard wrapped his arms around Frank, and Frank sighed.

"This is so amazing. Being able to hold you. Hug you. Kiss you. When I was younger, I never would've imagined I would find a guy as ridiculously perfect as you. Do you remember the first day we met?"

Gerard smiled. "Yeah. What about it?"

"I was so nervous as we walked home. I swear, I was shaking."

"Why?"

"I was nervous about talking to you. You were so gorgeous and I was afraid of saying something wrong and making a fool of myself."

"That's exactly how I was feeling! Oh my god, when you told me I didn't look 18, I wanted to slap you."

Frank chuckled. "Why?"

"Because I know I don't look 18, and it pisses me off."

"I'm sorry," Frank said with a smile, cuddling closer to Gerard.

Gerard kissed the top of his head. "You're forgiven."

Frank yawned. "Thanks."

A few minutes later, Gerard felt Frank's body relax completely, and heard his breathing even out, the way it only did when he was sleeping.

Gerard smiled as he thought about what a miracle it was that he could hold the man he loved as they slept. He made a mental note to thank Mikey in the morning. If he hadn't said anything to Donald, Gerard probably never would've admitted his feelings to Frank.

He kissed Frank's head once more, and closed his eyes.

It didn't surprise him that even in his sleep, he thought about Frank.


	44. Chapter 44

Gerard felt Frank move against his chest. Instinctively, he tightened his arms around him.

"You're cold," Gerard whispered, his eyes still closed.

Frank smiled. "Yeah, I am." He opened his eyes and poked Gerard in the chest, which made him open his eyes as well. "Warm me up?" He asked with a sweet smile.

By the way his eyes glimmered, Gerard assumed he was trying to be sweet, and was really just asking for Gerard to hug him tighter. But Gerard would do him one better.

He slid his arms down around Frank's waist, pulling him on top of him as he flipped over onto his back.

Frank giggled into Gerard's neck. "What are you doing?"

"Something I didn't get around to last night," Gerard said with a smile, his breath hot on Frank's neck.

He grabbed Frank's hands and helped him sit up, pulling his knees up against Frank's ass to support him.

Frank choked out a giggle– or was it a gasp? Gerard couldn't tell, but Frank made some noise when Gerard started sucking on the bruise he'd made a few days ago.

Frank's pants were still unzipped from the night before, which made pulling them down past his ass even easier and quicker. Gerard ran his tongue over the bruise once more, before trailing it down to the hem of Frank's underwear.

"Unh..." Frank moaned above him. Gerard looked up at him with wide eyes, and Frank wrapped the hand not braced on Gerard's knee in his hair, gripping tightly. Gerard's scalp tingled from the pressure, and it almost made him salivate.

He licked at Frank's cock through his underwear, and it had Frank biting his lip to keep from moaning too loud.

Gerard hooked his fingers under the waistband of Frank's underwear, and was milliseconds away from pulling them down so he could have full access to Frank when he heard a shriek from his doorway.

_Fuck,_ was all he could think before he saw his parents. His boner was gone in about a half second flat.

Frank saw them at the exact same time. Gerard had never seen him move so fast, swinging his leg over and dismounting Gerard.

"Oh, my god," he said as he slid right off Gerard's lap to the floor, pulling his jeans up and grabbing his shirt.

"What the fuck is going on here?" Donald roared.

Donna had a hand on her chest and one over her mouth.

"M-mom, Dad! I just- I didn't, I mean, I-I..." Gerard stuttered as he too, stood up and pulled his shirt on.

"Gerard?" Donna asked.

"We put a stop to this!" Donald screamed.

Gerard crossed his arms. "No. You thought you did. Isn't this evidence enough? I can't function normally without him!" He yelled back, motioning to Frank. "I was lying, to you and myself. I'm still in love with Frank. I need him. Please, don't make me give him up again."

"How could you lie to us like that?"

"I'm sorry, Mom," Gerard said, hanging his head. He was tired, exhausted. He was sick of this. Hiding and being caught, hiding and being caught. It was enough to bring even the strongest men to their knees.

"How many times do I have to say this? I will not have a gay son!"

"Please, sir," Frank piped up from where he was standing. Gerard had positioned himself in front of him, shielding him as if he was afraid his parents would hurt him. "I know you hate me and what I am, but please hear me out," he said, stepping around Gerard. Gerard was both amazed at his bravery and flabbergasted at his idiocy. "I know how much you wish Gerard was straight. I wish it too, sometimes."

Gerard furrowed his eyebrows and glared at Frank. Frank ignored him.

"It would make his life so much easier. It would do away with so much torture and ridicule he'll face. But he can't change himself. Believe me; I know better than anyone else that he's tried. He wants to make you and Mrs. Way happy. But there are some things a person can't change. And I don't mean to toot my own horn, but he's happy with me. I can tell you honestly that I love Gerard more than I ever thought I could love a person. I'm good for him. I'm what he needs. I know you'd rather him get it from a girl, but don't you want him to be happy? If you want him to be happy, and I give that to him, can you manage to look past what I am? For your son?"

Both their faces softened for a second, and Gerard was stupid enough to believe for a moment that he and Frank had won. But then Donna scowled and Donald shook his head.

"It's time for you to leave, Frank."

Gerard grabbed him and hugged him as tightly as he ever had, setting a firm hand on the back of his neck and setting his forehead against his.

"I'm so sorry, Frank. Why do we even keep trying? We're never gonna make it. There's always gonna be something to stop us," He said, sniffling.

Frank sniffled, too. He shook his head. "Please, don't," He said, his voice strained with unfallen tears. "Don't do this again. You promised. You promised."

"I know," Gerard said, and tears slid down his cheeks. "I know I did. And I'm so sorry. I love you."

He slipped his head down to rest on Frank's shoulder for a second, kissing it discreetly.

Donna cleared her throat and Gerard stepped away reluctantly.

Frank hung his head and slipped on his shoes. He left through the outside door, shooting Gerard one last saddened glance.

When the door closed, Gerard collapsed on the bed, waiting for the total shitstorm.

"What did you do to your door?" Donna asked, and Gerard could hear how she was straining to keep her voice level.

He sighed. He was tired of lying and making excuses. His parents wanted the truth? He'd tell them, and revel in the pain it caused them. "Frank and I took the nails out so we could sneak out at night. We did it back around October, so it's nothing new."

"What the hell were you doing?"

Gerard looked his mother square in the eye as he answered. "Was it hard to tell from where you were standing? I was about to suck his _dick_ ," Gerard said angrily, "But we were interrupted."

Donna's face contorted in disgust.

"How long has this been going on?" Donald asked.

"You mean how long have Frank and I been fucking?" He asked with a smirk, and Donald nearly gagged. "We got back together in January."

Donna closed her eyes, like she didn't want to hear the answer to her next question. "You've had sex with him?"

"Yes," Gerard snapped. "Several times. It's what you do when you love someone."

"His mother allowed this?" Donna asked in shock.

Gerard nodded. "Linda loves Frank. She loves me. She wants us to be together. She doesn't care that he's gay. She _supports_ him," He threw at his parents.

"How could you lie to us like that?"

Gerard stood. "I didn't want to. But this is your fault! If you weren't so ignorant and stupid, we wouldn't have to date secretly!"

"That's is _it_!" Donald screamed, and made both Donna and Gerard jump. "Obviously having Frank so close is too tempting. You can finish out the school year with your uncle Phil in Albany."

" _What_? You're gonna send me away?"

"It's the only choice. He'll be back from his vacation in a week. Start packing."

Gerard collapsed on his bed again, breathing heavily. He knew he didn't have to go. He was legally an adult. He could move out this second if he wanted to. But he was tired. He was worn-out. He knew that if he just went along with whatever his parents wanted, things would be easier in the long run. For him and Frank.

Donna and Donald turned to leave, but Donald turned back.

"Give me your phone," he demanded.

Gerard just sighed and pulled it out from under his pillow. It was just easier.

Donald snatched it from his hand, and his parents were gone without another word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry; I know you guys are all gonna hate me! and you're gonna hate me even more when I say it won't be updated again unil Saturday night... I love you, please don't kill me!


	45. Chapter 45

Gerard was too exhausted to cry. He just laid on his bed and stared at the ceiling. He felt drained. Numb. Like nothing mattered anymore.

He jumped almost an inch off the bed when his father walked in.

"Dad?" He asked, hopeful as he sat up. He grimaced in pain when he saw the power drill in his hand. "Dad, what are you doing?"

"It's for your own good," He said blandly as he drilled a dozen screws into the door leading outside.

Screws. Gerard would never be able to take them out without his parents hearing. Donald left without even looking at Gerard. Gerard was surprised he didn't caulk the door shut.

~~~~

There was a soft knock at the door.

"Gerard?"

The door opened a bit, and Mikey stuck his head in.

"Go away," Gerard commanded softly. There was no emotion in his voice. He kept it monotone.

"You need to eat something," Mikey insisted, and Gerard could tell that he was scaring him. "I brought you–"

Gerard reached down and grabbed the first heavy thing he felt, one of his scribbled-on red Converse, and whipped it at the door.

"Go away!" He roared.

Mikey moved faster than he ever had before, ducking back out the door and closing it just before the shoe hit the wall where not a second earlier, his head had been. Gerard was a little impressed with his aim. If Mikey had been a half-second slower, he probably would've been knocked unconscious. He noticed that he'd made a dent in his wall.

Gerard should've felt bad about almost hospitalizing his brother, but he was too busy wallowing in misery to feel anything other than pain.

~~~~

It was around 2 am when he slinked out of his room and up to Mikey's.

He knocked softly, so as not to wake up their parents.

"Mikes? Mikes?"

Mikey opened the door and immediately hugged his brother.

"I'm so sorry, Gee. I'm sorry this keeps happening to you."

Gerard smiled softly. "I'm sorry for almost knocking you out."

Mikey chuckled as he pulled out of the hug. "It's okay. I understand."

"Can I borrow your phone for a second?"

He didn't have to explain any further. Mikey pulled it from his pocket without any hesitation, slipping into Gerard's hand.

"You can give it back to me in the morning. I love you."

"I love you, too."

Mikey retreated into his room and closed the door.

Gerard walked back downstairs slowly. He thought about what he wanted to say, how to phrase it.

He sat on his bed, hunched over the phone as he typed out Frank's number, which he'd memorized by now. He licked his lips and sighed. Doing this without crying was sure to be impossible.

_frank, its me. do me a favor; dont reply to this. itll make this so much harder. Im sorry. So, so sorry...i didnt lie to them this time. i told them everything. they said that 'having you so close was too tempting'. So they're sending me to my uncles place for the rest of the year. i dont wanna leave you, but trust me; its for the best. believe me when I say that im going without a fight for you. you deserve someone better. someone whose family isnt gonna hate you and ostracize you because of your sexuality. you dont deserve all the hate you get from my parents. give it time, and youll find someone youll love even more than me. this may be the last time we speak. i dont wanna leave you. but know that i love you. however long were apart and wherever i am, i will still be in love with you. take care of bela. tell linda I love her. youre so amazing, frank. dont ever change. youre unafraid, defiant. its what i love best about you. dont be like everyone else. be loud, be rude, antagonize like you do so well. give em hell, kid. i love you. i always will._

One stray tear fell on the phone's screen as Gerard pressed the 'SEND' button. After he did, he immediately turned the phone off. He knew Frank would reply, even after he asked him not to. He didn't want to read it. He knew it would hurt too much.


	46. Chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is almost finished, so I'm gonna draw it out as much as possible becuase I'm an asshole and I like keeping people in suspense. But I just wanna thank everyone for their positive feedback and for sticking with me through this ridiculously long fic, especially the people that comment on almost every chapter. You guys give me life and lots of smiles!

"Honey, you can go back to bed," Donna said when Gerard walked into the kitchen Monday morning.

"What? Why?" He asked, wary.

Donald cleared his throat from behind his newspaper. "We called the school and told them that you'll be going away. You're excused from classes until you leave."

"Are you serious?" Gerard asked, his eyes wide. His parents were stubborn, but this was a new low.

Donald didn't say anything, and Donna busied herself with her coffee.

Gerard scoffed. "Have a good day at school, Mikes," He said angrily before he stomped downstairs and kicked his door closed. He whipped his bag on the floor and threw himself down on his bed.

This was ridiculous, even for _his_ parents. Not even allowing him to see Frank at school? He almost didn't believe it.

~~~~

The days dragged on, and before long, Gerard couldn't tell when one ended and the next started. He'd become something of an insomniac. He'd sleep during the day and spend his nights watching Frank's house. If he was being honest with himself, most of his time was spent watching Frank's house.

It had been a week, and his uncle still wasn't home. Gerard was kept in a purgatory-like state. No phone. No school. No contact with the outside world. Mikey was his only companion, but as much as he loved his brother, Mikey wasn't Frank.

There were a few occasions when stalking Frank's house paid off, and he was rewarded with a glimpse, however short it was, of Frank.

It was usually Frank getting in the car to go to school, or coming home. Gerard knew him so well that he knew his schedule, exactly what times he left for school and came home.

Occasionally he'd see Frank with Linda. Every other day he'd come strolling out of the house at 4 with Bela bouncing happily on her leash. Gerard assumed that Frank had chosen an obedience school for her.

Gerard was conflicted. When he saw Frank with Linda or Bela, he'd be smiling, sometimes even laughing. He was happy that Frank was moving on, yet torn up at the thought that apparently he didn't need Gerard to be happy. He had never been so happy and so sad at the same time.

~~~~

"Gee!" Mikey scream-whispered as he knocked frantically at his door. "Gee!"

Gerard groaned and dragged himself out of bed. Mikey had once again taken to spending most nights sitting up late with Gerard. The days after, Mikey would drag ass through the school day. They usually sat up until all hours of the night. They had scary movie marathons, they would draw, they would just talk, but mostly they'd just sit in silence. But Gerard didn't mind. Knowing that Mikey was there for him if he needed him was a comforting thought.

Though Gerard was less than comforted at the moment. He had just fallen asleep. Why was Mikey freaking out? Usually he just let himself in at around midnight, and if Gerard was asleep, he'd just crawl into bed with him.

Gerard flung the door open. "What?" He asked harshly.

"Shh! Come here!" He whispered, running halfway up the stairs and motioning for Gerard to follow. He did, and they hid together at the top of the stairs,   
eavesdropping on their parents' conversation in the kitchen.

"I need your support here, Donna!"

"I'm trying to! But how can you expect me to stand by you when you go and make such a drastic decision in a split second? I need to have _some_ say in the matter!"

"So what? You want him to stay here? Continue fucking the neighbor boy? You want to be looked at crossly by your clients and coworkers?"

"I want my son here with me! He's a teenager. Teenage love never lasts. Give them the summer, and I'll bet that they'll end things by themselves."

"That's still 6 months! Do you really want to share a house with a–"

"Donald!" His mother cut him off, "I love you. You are the man I married and chose to spend the rest of my life with. But I swear in the name of all that is holy, if you even _think_ about calling my son a fag, I will leave you."

Gerard smiled and Mikey chuckled.

Donald sighed, and chair legs scraped across the hardwood kitchen floor.

"Regardless of whatever else he is, he's still our son. Tell me you remember that," Donna said softly.

"Do you think I _want_ him to leave? Do you think I _want_ him to hate us for the rest of his life? Do you think I _want_ him to be miserable? Absolutely not. He's my son, and I still love him. But this... What he's doing, it's disgusting."

"I know. It's unnatural and goes against everything the bible says is an acceptable way of life."

Mikey and Gerard both rolled their eyes.

"But," Donna continued, "Maybe we could overlook it just this once. I mean, Frank's nice. He's smart and polite and you can't tell me that you haven't noticed the way he's changed Gerard. Gerard has been happier since meeting him. You can see it in his face. His eyes. He smiles more. He laughs more. He really loves Frank."

_Is it that noticeable?_ , Gerard mouthed to Mikey.

_Oh, yeah_ , Mikey mouthed back, nodding.

Donald sighed again. He sounded tired and exasperated. "I see where you're coming from."

"If Frank was a girl, we would _love_ him! We'd want them married in an instant."

"I know!" Donald said, almost angrily. "But you can't tell me that you're fine with their relationship."

Donna paused for a moment before she spoke. "No. I don't like it. But you can't tell me that you're 100%, unwaveringly disapprove of it."

"No, I guess I don't."

"Do you think we can learn to deal with it?"

"I don't know, Donna. We were raised to believe in the bible. I can't just change the way I think in an instant. You can't, either. Gerard or not."

Now Donna sighed. "I don't want to lose him, honey. If we go through with this, he'll never forgive us."

"I know, sweetheart. But if we allow this, we'll never forgive ourselves. How about this? We send him to Phillip's. We'll bring him back at the end of the summer. That gives us a while to try to get used to it. And if we can't, hopefully Frank will have moved away. Or moved on. Found a new boyfriend."

Donna sighed again. "I guess we have no other option. I'm tired. Lets go to bed."

Two sets of chair legs scraped against the floor and there were two trails of footsteps up the stairs.

"This is a good thing! There's hope! If we– Gerard?"

Mikey turned to face his brother, but Gerard had already ran back into his bedroom in a rage. He slammed his door harder than he ever had before.


	47. Chapter 47

"Gerard?" Donald asked as he knocked on his door.

Gerard heard his door open a little. He didn't even bother rolling over to look at his father. He stayed facing the wall.

"Go away."

That was his response to everything his parents had said in the past two weeks.

How are you feeling? Go away.

Are you hungry? Go away.

Good morning, honey. Go away.

Do you ever plan on getting out of bed? Go away.

I love you. Go away. That one was usually accompanied by a scoff.

"I just wanted to tell you that Uncle Phil came home today. We booked your bus ticket for Saturday nigh at 9. You might wanna finish your packing. Make sure you don't forget anything important."

And then he was gone.

Gerard squeezed his eyes shut, trying to keep the tears in his eyes and off his pillowcase.

~~~~

Gerard finished his packing in silence. Usually whenever he had a tedious task to do, he'd blare his music, and that would help him pass the time. But his iPod was untouched, and had been since he entered his self-inflicted period of torture. It was sitting in his nightstand drawer, probably gathering dust.

Gerard was sitting up in bed the night before he was supposed to leave. He didn't even try to sleep. He knew he wouldn't be able to.

The silence was deafening. The house wasn't creaking, his iPod wasn't playing, his window was open, but he didn't hear bugs or dogs or anything. He felt for a moment as if time had come to a standstill. Then Mikey's knocking at his door pulled him back into reality.

"Come in," He said, his voice breaking. He hadn't spoken a word in two days.

Mikey slinked in, wearing an old hoodie and fleece pajama pants.

"Hey, Mikes," Gerard tried to say. It came out more as a whisper. It struck him just then: this wasn't a joke. It wasn't a game. He was leaving. For almost 6 months, he'd be without his brother, one of the three people in this world he was closest to, along with Elena and Frank. He stood and closed the difference between himself and Mikey, embracing his brother tightly. Mikey hugged him back, one-handedly, but with all the strength he had.

"I'm gonna miss you," He whispered in Mikey's ear.

Mikey just nodded and squeezed Gerard.

Gerard took a step back and saw that Mikey had one hand behind his back.

"What are you hiding?" Gerard asked.

Mikey turned a bright red, and pulled a long, short box from behind his back. Just the colors on the front brought a wave of nostalgia crashing over Gerard. He smiled as Mikey handed him the board game.

"It's our last night. I thought we could play. For old times sake."

The sweet characters on the box were as happy as they ever were. Gerard fondly recalled countless nights that he and Mikey had sat up until the sun rose playing Candy Land together. They would fight and laugh and try against all odds to keep quiet, to not wake up their parents. They failed more often than not.

"I call blue," Gerard smirked. Mikey's eyes glistened, and his smile lit up the room. That phrase was one he'd always associate with Mikey and Candy Land. Every single time they'd play, Gerard would scream out 'I call blue!' and Mikey would pout because blue was his favorite color, but he'd let Gerard have it, anyway. Gerard always made up for it by letting Mikey win.

They both dropped where they stood, folding themselves on the floor and setting up the game board.

Though the game sufficiently distracted him from his impending doom, the events of the next night and Frank were always looming in the back of his mind.

And for the first time in the Way brother history, Mikey let Gerard win.

~~~~

They'd fallen asleep sometime around 5 am, and were back up at 9. But they weren't ready to face their parents yet, so like they'd done so many times before, they sat on the floor and leaned up against the door.

At around 10:30, Donna came knocking.

"Boys! Wake up!"

"Go away!" They rang in unison, yelling at the door.

They heard Donna 'harrumph' through the door, but she walked back upstairs.

Mikey leaned his head against Gerard's shoulder, and blew out a huge sigh.

"This fucking sucks, Gee. What the hell am I gonna do without you for half a year?"

Gerard smiled. "Maybe you could try your homework."

Mikey scoffed. "You'll have to be gone for a lot longer than 6 months for me to even _think_ about doing homework. I won't be _that_ desperate for something to do for at least a year and a half."

"You'll just have to spend a lot of time with Aly. Just do me a favor."

"Sure."

"Don't ever take her for granted. Always appreciate the time you spend with her. Being with the person you love isn't that easy for some people."

Mikey grabbed Gerard's hand and gripped it tightly.

~~~~

Mikey must have developed some psychic tendencies recently that Gerard was unaware of, because just as Gerard was getting the urge to watch Frank's house, Mikey excused himself, telling Gerard that he needed a shower.

As much as being alone made him itch, he was kind of glad for a moment to himself to stalk his former boyfriend.

Frank's house looked the exact same. It was still big. It was still blue. There was still a black car in the driveway. The oak tree was still in the front yard, the boards still nailed to the trunk. The only change in the last week was that most of the snow was gone.

But Frank looked different. He was wearing his gloves, which Gerard hadn't seen him wear in quite a while. His hair was monochromatic, now all black instead of black and white. And it was a lot longer. You almost couldn't see the long lock in his face anymore. Linda must've cut it for him.

He was outside with Bela, and from the looks of it, trying to reinforce her training. He had a handful of dog treats in his hand, and was running through a list of basic commands.

"Sit! Good girl. Lay down. Lay down, Bela. Good girl. Roll over. Roll over. Bells, roll over!"

Frank dropped to his knees and physically rolled the dog over. "Roll over!"

Bela just righted herself and panted.

Frank laid down on the wet ground and demonstrated what he wanted her to do, rolling over himself. Gerard couldn't stifle his laugh at seeing Frank rolling around in his front yard.

"Roll over, Bela! Roll over!"

He sighed and gave up, tossing her the last treat in his hand.

"Oh, never mind," he said as he plopped down on his stoop. He pulled his knees to his chest, like he did when he was either upset or angry. He looked sad.

Gerard couldn't bear to see him to upset, so he closed his blinds and laid back down, hoping that if he slept, time might go a little slower.


	48. Chapter 48

7 o'clock rolled around quicker than Gerard would've hoped, and his mother came beckoning once again. Except this time, she didn't bother knocking. She just walked in and sat on the edge of the bed where Gerard was laying, and ran her fingers through his hair as she spoke.

"Sweetheart," She whispered, and she sounded upset, "You need to wake up. You've gotta eat something before–" She cut herself off.

"Before I'm shipped away like a delinquent to military school?"

"Honey, please. You have to understand," She said with tears in her voice, "Your father and I only want what's best for you."

Gerard rolled over finally, facing his mother. "I don't believe that. If you really wanted what's best for me, you would want me to be happy. Nobody in this world makes me happier than Frank. I love him, mom."

Donna nodded. "I know you do."

"And no time apart will ever change that. I know that you don't want me to be gay because you don't want me to have to deal with the torment and ridicule that goes along with it. Because it goes against the natural way of life. But I don't care about that shit, so why should you? I'm willing to undergo it for Frank. Why can't you understand that?"

"We don't want you to go. It's not like we're celebrating. We still love you, gay or not. We're just trying to make life easier for you."

Gerard scoffed and rolled back over.

"I know how you feel. When I was younger, your grandparents did everything they could to keep me and your father apart."

Gerard's eyes widened.

"And we fought them because we knew we belonged together. We knew we were right."

Gerard leaped out of his bed. " _What_?" He screamed. "So you know how it feels? What pain it is to be separated from the one person in this world that you love? That you would do anything to be with? You know what it's like to spend your nights crying because your parents are forcing a wedge between you and your soul mate? And you and Dad _still_ fucking do it to me?" He shrieked.

He stomped over to his drawer and pulled out a pack of cigarettes, lighting one quickly and taking a long pull from it.

"Gerard!"

" _What_?" He spat at his mother. "I'm 18 now. You can't stop me," He said, releasing a billow of smoke into the room.

Donna was speechless. She looked for a moment like she was going to get up and slap him, but she just closed her mouth and left the room without another word.

Gerard finished his cigarette, shaking his head and crying tears of rage.

~~~~

At quarter after 8, Gerard decided be should finally be a man and face his parents. That, and his stomach was growling.

When he walked into the kitchen, eyes red and puffy and sniffling, Mikey gave him a somber smile. But neither one of his parents were man enough to look him in the eye. He sat down behind an already made plate of food, and the four ate in silence. The only one that could even look at Gerard was Mikey.

After 20 minutes of awkward silence, Donald cleared his throat.

"You better go get your things. We're leaving in a minute."

Gerard huffed and slowly walked downstairs, dragging his feet. He was dreading this moment.

Mikey met him downstairs, and helped him bring his bags out to the car. He looked at the truck of his mother's car, stuffed with only three duffel bags and his   
messenger bag. His entire life was crammed into a 2 by 3 foot space. Well, most of his life. The most important part of his life was probably sitting in the attic across the street, either playing guitar or playing with Bela.

The drive to the bus station was long and drawn-out. Gerard felt like every light was red to prolong the torture. Mikey had scooted across the seat about five seconds after they pulled out of the driveway. Like the earlier that morning, he laid his head on Gerard's shoulder.

They kept the radio off. Nobody spoke a word. Donald didn't even swear at the woman who cut him off on the highway. They pulled into the bus station after an hour and a half drive that felt like two lifetimes.

Donna held the ticket out to Gerard as Mikey and Donald grabbed his bags and loaded them into the bus. He snatched it from her hand.

"Do I even have to tell you how pathetic this is? That you and your husband are so vain and self-centered that you don't care that you're making your son as miserable as he's ever been? Go ahead and bring me back at the end of the summer. If you think I'm ever going to speak to either one of you again, you're sorely mistaken."

Donna gasped and teared up, but Gerard didn't care. He walked away, leaving his mother wide-eyed and crying.

Gerard looked at his iPod. 8:58 pm. He blew out a heavy breath as his family more or less lined up to say goodbye. He didn't want to hear it. There was only one person there he cared about.

Donald set a hand on his shoulder, and he shook it off.

"Be good, son. Maybe if Phil tells us you're behaving, we'll bring you home for your birthday weekend."

Gerard rolled his eyes. Though it seemed as if Donald was a little sadder than he'd been these past days. Like a part of him genuinely didn't want Gerard to go.

He shot a glance at Mikey. He kept looking at his phone and shuffling his weight from one foot to the other. He was nervous about something, more than he'd been lately.

Before Gerard could ask him about the ants in his pants, Donna threw her arms around Gerard and hugged him tightly. But he didn't move. He just kept his arms at his sides and let his mother squeeze him.

"I love you, baby," She whispered in his ear. "I know you don't believe it right now, but I do."

She sobbed once as she pulled herself upright.

Gerard took a step in front of Mikey. His eyes were glittering with tears that hadn't fallen yet.

"I'm gonna miss you, Gee," Mikey sobbed as he, too threw his arms around Gerard. Only this time, Gerard squeezed back just as furiously.

"I'm gonna miss you, too, Mikes. Say goodbye to Aly for me. Tell Elena I love her. Be a little shit for Mom and Dad," He said through his tears.

Mikey chuckled once. He grabbed Gerard's hand and placed something into it. Gerard pulled out of the hug and opened his hand.

The blue gingerbread pawn from Candy Land was lying in his palm.

He couldn't help the smile that spread across his face.

"I love you, Mikey."

"I love you, too, Gerard," Mikey said, sniffling.

With one last hug from his brother, Gerard turned and walked to the bus. He handed the driver his ticket, who ripped half of it off and handed it back.

Gerard gripped the strap of his messenger tightly as he walked all the way to the back of the bus and sat down in the window seat.

He looked out the window to see Donald holding Donna, and her crying into his shoulder.

Gerard rolled his eyes again. If she really cared that much, she wouldn't be making him leave. Mikey was glancing around, like he was expecting some thing.

 _Mikey, you're so weird,_ Gerard thought.

He jammed his headphones in his ears, the first time in almost 2 weeks, as he closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the headrest.

He had already turned the volume all the way up. He didn't want to think about anything.

Just as his thumb hovered over the play button, he heard squealing tires.


	49. Chapter 49

The sound didn't alarm him. Normally, screeching tires meant a car was about to crash into something. But these were familiar. Gerard heard them more times than he could count.

He looked out the window in disbelief, just as the black Honda Civic skittered to a stop, not ten feet away from where his family was still huddled to send Gerard off. Donna and Donald looked terrified, like they were about to get run over, but Mikey breathed a visible sigh of relief.

Frank jumped from the driver's seat, leaving his door wide open as he ran over to Mikey. Mikey pointed to the bus, and Frank's gaze followed his finger.

Gerard felt as if his heart had been beating erratically for weeks, and looking into Frank's eyes, it had fallen back into step.

"Gerard! Stop!"

He started panting. This wasn't happening. This wasn't happening. This wasn't happening.

But the look in Frank's eyes was more distress than even Gerard's imagination could conjure.

Gerard all but leapt from his seat, sprinting down the aisle and out the door.

The relief was so apparent in Frank's eyes. The way he smiled when Gerard hopped off the bus and onto the ground, Gerard knew what this was.

This was a rescue.

He took off at a run, flinging himself into Frank's arms. Frank had never hugged him tighter, or kissed him harder.

"What the fuck were you thinking? You asshole! How could you even consider leaving me like that?" Frank sobbed as he pressed kiss after kiss to Gerard's lips and face.

"I'm sorry. I was just thinking about you. You don't deserve this, Frank. You don't deserve to be hated for absolutely no reason. You didn't do anything to warrant the hate and anger."

"Do me a favor?" Frank asked, setting his hands on Gerard's face, "Don't ever try to do what's best for me again. _You're_ best for me, Gerard. You're all I want in this world. Fuck the kids at school. Fuck the homophobes of the world. Fuck your parents!"

"Excuse you?" Donald asked; finally getting over the shock and embarrassment of seeing his son lock lips with another man in public.

"With all due respect, Mr. Way, butt out. This is between me and my boyfriend," Frank threw at him angrily.

Donald's jaw snapped shut instinctively.

"If I told you I didn't care, would you still go? I don't care about your parents hating me. I don't care about having to keep secrets. I don't care about having to sneak around. All I care about is you, Gerard. Don't leave me again. If your parents can't bear to share a house with you because you're gay, who cares? Move in with me. Mom loves you. Bela loves you. I love you. We'd be more than happy to have you. We don't even have to stay in the attic. We can move into one of the guest bedrooms," He said, chuckling.

Gerard cracked a smile.

"I will do _anything_ to keep you here with me. Tell me you can see how much I love you? It's unbearable without you. Please don't go. Come with me. Move in with me. You're 18, you can make your own decisions. Please, Gerard. I don't want you to leave me again."

Gerard was overwhelmed. Not with the weight of another choice, but with the thought that he and Frank could be together. In a house together, living together, being together in every sense of the word.

He flung his arms around Frank once more and kissed him as hard and passionately as he ever had, not even caring that his parents were staring at them.

"Is that a 'yes'?" Frank whispered against his lips.

Gerard nodded and kissed him once more.

He forgot how perfectly he fit against Frank, how electricity tingled his every nerve when they touched.

He turned to get his bags from the bus, but Mikey was already there, loading them into the back of Frank's car.

He walked over to them, and slapped Frank in the arm.

"What the hell took you so long? Another thirty seconds and you would've been too late!"

"I'm sorry!" Frank said defensively. "You should've seen the traffic."

Mikey rolled his eyes.

"You planned this?" Gerard asked, motioning to Frank. Mikey nodded smugly.

"You didn't actually think I _walked_ to school alone in the cold, did you?"

"Come on, babe," Frank said, twisting his arm around Gerard's waist, "Let's go home."

Gerard sighed in relief and walked with Frank to his car.

"Now, you just wait a minute!" Donald yelled.

" _Dad_!" Mikey screamed, and both Gerard and Frank stopped mid-step, "Why can't you just let them be happy? Gerard loving Frank is no different than me loving Alicia, no matter what the bible says. As a parent, you should be able to tell that," He said as he stomped off toward Donna's car. He crawled into the backseat and slammed the door.

"But–" Donald scoffed. He looked to his wife for backup, but she just shook her head and walked back to the car.

Gerard and Frank climbed into his car and took off without a second look in the rearview mirror.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you hate me for taking so long to update on purpose? I would. #trollface
> 
> Seriously, though, I'm sorry for all the distress I've caused. I was just trying to be suspenseful! I'm so glad that you like my writing enough to threaten my life for not updating! So thank you all! <3


	50. Chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case anyone's wondering, I have tonsillitis and it hurts like a bitch and I'm going to the doctor to see about getting a tonsilectomy and I'm really fucking scared because I've never had surgery before and because I'm a masochist, I've been reading horror stories online about getting your tonsils removed and I'm literally freaking TERRIFIED, so that's a thing that's happening.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

By the time they pulled into Frank's driveway, Donna's Taurus was already parked outside their house.

"You sure you wanna go alone?"

Gerard nodded. "Yeah. I'll be fine. They'll still be pissed, but they're not gonna do anything rash."

"All right," Frank said, squeezing Gerard's hand.

"How did I manage to find someone so amazing, yet stupid enough to forgive me for ending our relationship twice?"

Frank shrugged, a smile on his face. "I guess you're just really lucky."

"I am," He said, kissing the back of Frank's hand.

He didn't know if he should knock before he walked in or not. Did he still live there? He wasn't sure.

He decided to knock and let himself in. Nobody was in the living room, or the kitchen. As nervous as that made him, Gerard shrugged it off, walking down to his bedroom to grab the last of his things.

He was digging through a pile of old clothes, looking for a particular pair of jeans when he heard a knock on his door jamb. He shuddered, but pulled his head out of his closet to face his parents.

"Hi."

Donna sighed. "Hi."

Donald just stood there looking uncomfortable.

"What's up?" He asked, continuing his search.

"Are you going to Frank's?"

He stiffened, but thankfully he was half in his closet, so they couldn't tell. "Yeah."

Donna sighed and sat down on Gerard's bed. She pulled Donald along with her.

Gerard could tell that she had something on her mind, so he stood up and turned around.

"Listen, Gerard, we've been thinking. And discussing it. We were wrong to try to keep you from Frank."

Gerard was shocked. He'd never imagined his mother would've apologized so quickly.

"It's obvious that you love him, and you should be able to be with him."

"Wow. ,," He said, blinking slowly in confusion. "Thanks, Mom."

"But you have to understand, honey. This was difficult for us to deal with. We were raised in a different time, with different beliefs. We weren't taught to be so accepting. But regardless of what we were raised to believe, you're our son, and we love you. We never should've tried to push you to think like us. For that, we're sorry. _Both_ of us are sorry," She added, slapping Donald's knee.

"We're sorry," He said, though Gerard could tell he was reluctant to do so. He was a lot more stubborn than his wife.

"Are you sure that you love Frank?"

"Yes," Gerard said, nodding, happy to get a chance to finally explain what Frank meant to him, that his parents were finally willing to listen. "I've never met anyone that makes me as happy as he does. He's my world in a 5 foot package."

Donna nodded. "Then we will try to love him, too. Understand that it might take us a while, but we don't want to lose you. So we'll try to be more open-minded. Anyone that makes you happy makes us happy."

Gerard knew his face lit up. "Really, Mom? Dad? You, too?"

They both nodded, and Gerard all but threw himself at them.

"Thank you guys," He sighed, hugging them.

"On one condition," Donna added.

Gerard stood back up and prepared to face the whirlwind.

"We would prefer it if you stayed here. At least until graduation. Then you can move in with whoever you want."

Gerard smiled. "Deal. Can I have my phone back?"

Donald turned red and pulled Gerard's phone from his pocket, handing it over to his son.

"Any other rules and stipulations?"

Donna grimaced. "I guess you _are_ 18\. So we can probably trust you enough to pull the screws from the door. Frank has been spending the nights with you, hasn't he?"

Gerard tried to keep the smile from his face as he nodded. He wasn't sure he was successful.

"I guess he can stay over," Donna surrendered.

"But no more than twice a week," Donald added hastily.

"And no sex in my house," Donna threw in with a grimace. "We set the same rule for Mikey when he started getting serious with Alicia."

Gerard chuckled at the fact that even though his own mother and Linda were so different, they were both worried about the same thing. And that he and Frank had already broken both their rules.

"Deal. I'm tired. Can I go to bed?"

His parents stood and walked to the door. As they started walking up the stairs, he added, "Can Frank stay over?"

Donald's shoulders tightened, but he threw a "Yeah, sure," over his shoulder. Donald sounded defeated, like he'd given up on trying to keep Frank and Gerard apart.

Gerard waited until they were upstairs before he shut the door and dialed Frank's number. He picked up on the first ring.

"Are you okay?"

Gerard threw himself down on his bed and sighed. "I am fantastic. How could a day that started out so shitty turn so amazing?"

"What happened?"

"They're gonna work on getting over it. They told me you could stay the night. Come hug me."

Frank chuckled into the receiver. "I'll be right there."

~~~~

Gerard sighed as Frank kissed his jaw.

"I can't believe I was crazy enough to give this up. Twice."

Frank shook his head. "It's in the past. Think about from today on. We'll never have to be apart again."

Gerard sighed. "Hearing that makes my heart skip a beat."

Frank smiled. "I wonder how else I can make your heart skip?" He said as he trailed his lips down Gerard's neck.

"You know, my mom said no sex in the house."

Frank shrugged. "Yeah, well, we've already broken that rule. And so did mine, but a month later, I took your V-card in my bedroom."

"Hey! Don't make it sound so one sided. The way you said it, you made it sound like rape. I took yours, too."

Frank smiled against Gerard's skin. "And it was one of the most amazing moments of my life."

Gerard nuzzled his nose into Frank's neck.

"I don't think I've ever been happier than I am right now."

"That makes two of us."

~~~~

"Your mom _really_ fucking loves you," Frank said, sucking on the straw of his Icee.

Gerard smirked and licked away the whipped cream that was oozing out of the lid of his coffee.

"Yeah. Yeah, she does."

They were standing in the corner of the classroom, watching Donna squirm as the other parents riddled her with questions. Gerard smiled smugly. He probably looked the exact same way at his first GSA meeting.

But Linda rescued her, just as Frank had rescued him. She leaned over, setting one of her hands on Donna's, which were clasped tightly in her lap.

"She's still trying to get used to the idea of having a gay son," Linda announced to the other parents that had shown up to the 3rd annual Parental Gay Straight Alliance meeting.

"Think we should help her?" Frank asked.

Gerard chuckled as he watched his mother turn a shade of red he'd only ever seen in oil pastels before. "Nah. This is too much fun."


	51. Chapter 51

**Three months later...**

 

Frank groaned as he pulled off his cap and flung it across the room like a frisbee.

"I vow to never again wear that hideous shade of green. I looked like walking dog vomit."

Gerard raised an eyebrow. "Then what did that make me?" He asked as he carefully removed the tassel from his cap and pocketed it, per his mother's request. He set the cap on the bed for Bela to play with.

"Oh, it looked good on you," Frank said with a smirk.

Gerard rolled his eyes, struggling for a good two minutes with his tie before he gave up and started yanking on it.

"Don't do that!" Frank said, coming to the rescue with his nimble fingers. "It's silk, very expensive, and _very_ easily ruined."

Gerard's jaw dropped in wonder as Frank left the tie dangling at his neck. It had taken him an hour to try to knot it before he had to give up and ask his mom.

"How did you do that?"

"I spent 7 years in Catholic school," Frank answered nonchalantly as he loosened his own tie and slipped it off his neck.

Gerard just looked at him. "Catholic school?"

Frank nodded. "I know. 'Oh, the irony. The gay boy went to Catholic School!' It wasn't as traumatic as you might think. The Bible has some pretty awesome imagery. The shitty part was sitting still long enough to read it."

Gerard shook his head and grabbed his diploma, which was sheathed in a padded cover that was the same shade of dog vomit green as their caps and gowns.

"Can you believe it? It's over. The end of our basic education."

Frank scoffed as he all but jumped out of his dress pants and into a pair of black jeans with the knees ripped out. Dressing up made him itch. "Speak for yourself. My basic education ended with 5th grade. I swear, I haven't learned anything new since then."

Gerard chuckled and stripped off his own dressy clothes. He obviously wasn't as uncomfortable in them as Frank was, but he wouldn't choose them over his own worn jeans.

When they were both back in jeans and t-shirts, they threw away their gowns, Frank flung his cap clear across the neighborhood, and they settled down in Frank's bed.

"Oh, by the way, my graduation party's on Wednesday. My mom wanted me to invite you and Linda personally," He said, rolling his eyes. A) He'd told his parents repeatedly that he didn't want a fucking graduation party. He just wanted to graduate and get on with his life, and B) Like he hadn't already invited them.

"You really wanna introduce me to your entire family? 'Hi, Aunt Marge! This is Frank, the neighbor boy that I just happen to be fucking. Did you give me money?'" He said with a smile.

Gerard poked him in the side. "No, I'm gonna introduce you to my family as my best friend and boyfriend, and if anyone has a problem with it, they can take back whatever they gave me and leave."

Frank looked impressed.

"You've come a long way from hiding from your parents, that's for sure."

Gerard hugged Frank and set his head on his chest.

"It's all thanks to you."

Gerard stayed silent, just reveling in the fact that he could be with Frank, and he wasn't hiding from the kids at school, he wasn't hiding from his parents, and most of all, he wasn't hiding from himself.

"Gerard, can we talk about something?" Frank asked, uncertain.

Gerard swallowed the sudden lump in his throat. That was what people said before they ended relationships. He didn't understand. After all they'd been through, after just getting the blessing of everyone important, why would Frank end things _now_?

"What's up?" Gerard asked, sitting up.

Frank picked at the skin around his thumbnails, like he always did when he was nervous.

"I've been thinking a lot lately, about us. I love you. You know that, right?"

Gerard nodded, expecting a 'But' to come out of Frank's mouth next.

"How long have we been together? Less than a year. And already, I feel like I've known you my entire life. I'm closer to you than I've ever been to anyone else. I know that you're it for me. No matter where or how hard I look, I'm never gonna find another man that I will ever love as much as you."

Gerard took Frank's hands in his to prevent his further self-mutilation. "I completely understand. I know exactly how you feel. I feel the exact same way."

Frank breathed what looked to be a sigh of relief.

"I know you're only 19, and I'm only 18, but when I'm with you, I feel like we've been together our entire lives. Actually, I'm planning on it. I know that you're the man I want to spend the rest of my days with."

"Of course. There's nobody I'd rather spend my life with than you."

Frank beamed. "Then I have a question for you. It's serious, so don't laugh," Frank demanded, looking small and vulnerable.

In spite of himeslf, Gerard smiled. "Of course not."

Frank's grip on Gerard's hand tightened, and Frank looked directly into Gerard's eyes.

"I know we're young, but..." He licked his lips, "Gerard Way, will you marry me?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There it is! I really hope you guys liked it, and again, I wanna thank everyone that gave me feedback and smiled and laughed and cried and stopped sex to read. ;) You guys are amazing and I just want you all to know that every single comment makes me smile!
> 
> As of right now, I have not considererd a sequel. But maybe some day in the distant future, it could happen. Until then, I'm sending bear hugs to everyone that took the time to read my thrown-together ramblings! You guys mean the world to me!


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